My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Really crushing on a Partner that I’ve been working with closely on an internal project… there have definitely been flirty vibes. I’m willing to leave the firm to be with him. Any advice on what I should do?

like

My boss asked me to take care of some of the details of a project for her—the stuff that isn't really my area of expertise. And now I feel like a shirker because I haven't been able to finish them yet.

like

My company (biotech start up >50 employees) are looking to collect diversity data about current employees to provide to candidates when they ask about the company as well as to investors. Any thoughts on whether this is industry standard? What roadblocks to be aware of? Advice on how to go about this as meaningfully as possible?

like

Hi! Trying to sell a client on casting someone with a disability (that in no way affects or changes the story) in a film. Their concern is it will 'add an unnecessary layer'. Does anyone have links to a good presentation/data set to prove the benefit of normalising the inclusion of disability? Want to convince them with data. TIA!!!

like

Tired of all the respectability politics. Just once I want to write what I really mean in an email or tell a client what I really think of them when they ask. F*cking tired of walking on eggshells and constantly wondering if I did or said the right thing in the right way or the right tone to make sure the people around me are comfortable. Who's doing that for me at work? Nobody.

like

Good maternity clothes for work???

like

Diversity is just a gimmick and mostly on papers, I found females are not respected in corporates and are been opressed. Has anyone faced the same

like

Anyone meet clients at home?

I'm an RIA, and my home office is much nicer than my office. Unfortunately it doesn't have a separate entrance and you have to walk through the living room/kitchen.

like

Diversity is something that BBs have been pushing in recent years, but how well has it actually been executed? How diverse is your group and do you feel like diversity recruits are treated the same?

like

Is there a corporate way to bring up to senior leaders that an IC is causing issues across multiple teams because they are demanding and also doesn’t collaborate well? The IC gives vague “direction” then says they are too busy to clarify. They also refuse to use our project management/ collaboration tools.

like

How do you overcome humility at job interviews?
I haven’t been at the market for 8 years, and I am struggling with bragging a lot. I don’t even know where it comes from but I downplay my achievements a lot. I practice Buddhism and bragging is not the best trait for a Buddhist for sure. But downplaying is not a Buddhist trait too.
So I guess the question here is how to reframe bragging into something more acceptable...

like

What do you think is the best diversity initiative in London?

I'm done getting paid 1/3 of the class teacher pay and expected to teach the lessons. The other Paras in the class seem to think this is normal. I certainly don't get the same respect as the teacher. Am I alone here?

like

I have no interest working today. Work Wife is on vacation so I have nobody to flirt with to pass the time. Who's looking to text flirt today to help the time pass?

funnylikeuplifting

We are exploring having a third party come in and assess our I&D efforts across our company. We have many locations across North America. Is anyone aware of an entity who does this? We have found questionnaires through target organizations and have done anonymous employee surveys but are hoping to find someone who can do an assessment for gender, minorities, disabilities, 2SLGBTQ+, etc. and provide feedback on the actual employee experience and where we may have blind spots.

like

What do you think:

Teachers should/should not discuss their opinions and ideas around sexuality, gender, and religion with students.

Best and worst experience relating to diversity? For me. Best: winning an agency competition for a diversity related thought piece. Worst: reporting a sociopath creep and nothing being done about it.

like

What empty gesture did your employer give you for your work during Covid? For us, it was chocolate chip cookies in the cafeteria lol.

like

U.K. thread 👇🏽 post: age, gender & location!

More Posts

Before kids i was high-maintenance, but kids and EY made me tired exhausted woman, but I’m just 35! So i took a week off, kids are with my mom and I have a week to remedy. What could be my must haves for just one week. Haircut, mani pedi, massage is a must, but what else - want to do something for body and face - what are your favs? Want to wake up my sexy stunning woman locked inside mom and auditor.

like

Newbie question: why mutual funds over ETFs? I've learnt how each work but curious to learn from experienced investors here why one would pick funds over ETFs

like

Hello Folks,
I am being considered for the role of BDE at Gartner. I have total 15 years experience with 8 years of quota selling. What is the salary bracket at Gartner for this role.

like

I got offer as a Power Bi admin . what is this actual profile in Infosys ? Is it different from Power Bi developer or consultant ?

like

I am working to secure an opportunity at a large corporation.

I spoke to a few people working in the same function at the company to gain some insight and have applied through a referral link.

I know who the hiring manager is but have yet to connect with them but I am worried my application will get lost in the shuffle.

Would it be fine to reach out to the hiring manager on LinkedIn as my application is under review or should I just wait it out?

I am a Staff and was giving the task of organize audit conclusion lunch with client. So I am looking for restaurant recommendations in Newark,NJ to take client for lunch. Anybody?

like

If a company is hesitant to meet salary expectations, what are ways to set yourself up to get to that number over time?

I've heard suggestions around something like, "If at my 3 month evaluation, you are happy with my performance then x?" Does this type of salary discussion work?

like

Hi All,
I have 2 years of experience in React js, highly skilled in DSA and problem solving and currently serving notice period.
Looking for openings in product based company or startups. Considering current market and my skill set expecting 20 LPA package.
Preferred location - Chennai/Banglore

Need 11 ❤️ to unlock DM.

like

Hi Fishes, what is the EY’s expected CTC for Manager in Audit. I’ve a interview scheduled with EY for role of manager. YOE 5, current ctc 19lpa

like

Travelling to SFO for next 6 months. Client in San Jose. What nature places can I explore after work? I can leave early and have a car. Anyone else in the Sam's boat?

What do other meteorologists in the private sector get paid? And what kind of work, generally, do you do?

Living in a HCOL area, with 10 yrs Meteorology experience and another 10 years scientific experience.

like

Hello,
Does anyone have leads on any associate brand strategist openings in Los Angeles?

like

Does Salesloft ask for proof of targets being hit in previous roles?

likehelpful

Folks any recommendation for getting a storage place? In midst of job change and looking for a company that can manage pickup and provide storage without going crazy on pocket

GM!
im 10 weeks into my contract as a PO at a large satelline/wireless provider (synonym: plate) and the company has offered to bring me on as an internal employee.

currently i am hourly contractor at a rate of $50/hr + 2k sign on

the salaried offer is for 104k ( $52/hr)/ no bonus

problem here is that i work 48-52hrs/wk & get paid overtime, so taking this offer would actually be a paycut by about $250-300/wk

how / what should i negotiate as a fair compensation package

like

Just signed my offer today! I am beyond excited to start! I'll be in the Chicago office 😁

likeuplifting

Hi looking for a candidate with 4-5years of exp in Accounts payable

like

Would anyone in the employee experience, L&D, or events space be willing to take a look at my SOs resume?

He is looking looking to transition from non profit engagement to corporate/tech and is not getting much with his current resume

like

Do women in their 30s and 40s still friend zone guys? Asking for a friend?

like

Why do Partners move from one Big4 to another?

likehelpful

Additional Posts in Tech

Hi!! Can a company deny you short term disability benefits if you get approved for fmla. So basically you’re on unpaid leave but the std benefits of payment don’t go through

like

I have a Microsoft onsite interview coming up for an SDE1/2 role. Any tips from current employees or people who took the interview before on how I can prepare for this? I have been doing top leetcode questions for the technical portion but I am not sure how hard the questions can be and how they pick their questions. Also not sure what kind of systems design high level questions/answers they're looking for.

like

How do you manage other team’s and teammate’s quarterly goals? I’m currently swamped and doing damage control with a bunch of people suddenly wanting to make their goals (to get their bonuses) at the last minute and wanting to cut any corner with my product that they can. What do you do? I’ll have to clean up the mess after if I don’t play defense and that’s NOT on my quarterly goals.

like

Do you feel like hiring with diversity in mind is sometimes necessary at the cost of merit-based hiring? How might one go about it in a way that's respectful and moving toward greater diversity when you happen to have a pool of candidates for a particular role in which it would be a choice you have to make?

like

For those working remotely, what does your company do to help teams connect, especially around holiday periods? Do you have regional Christmas/Holiday parties or other in-person gatherings during the year? As a remote employee, do you expect perks like in-person company events?

like

Anyone hiring Security Analyst? I work on completing security assessments. Ping me if you have anything available please.

like

I recently graduated college last year and am trying to pursue certifications to help build up my resume. I currently hold an AWS SAA certification and Azure AZ -900. I am looking to try and obtain the CISSP next. Is there something else I should start with before diving into CISSP or should I direct my studying and focus in that direction?

like

What’s an excellent hourly rate for a senior change management consultant at a multinational company?

like

AWS Cloud and Security+ certified,
6+ years of tech experience ranging from hardware networking to Security and compliance.
Looking to get into cloud security, analyst, TAM, consulting... I'm open and hungry for something new.

like

About to get an offer at Microsoft as an SSP for data and AI. What should I be expecting as far as comp ceiling, role, wlb, etc?
Current TC: 225k (salary/OTE)
Is looking for 300k OTE realistic outside of equity/signing?

like

Any advice on how to improve my technical skills? I keep getting rejected on the basis it’s not strong enough

like

What types of projects should I work on if I want to transition into a data science role? I have a comp sci background and currently work with large data sets; ensuring quality and accuracy

like

Calling all remote workers from the UK who are fully embracing or occasionally doing the digital nomad thing, who are you working for and are they hiring? Asking for a friend.

like

Anyone from AWS public sector willing to connect? Hoping to get a general sense of the group (pros/cons) & how it’s viewed in the larger organization

like

Has any gone through the Accenture skills interview for a product owner role who can help provide some insight?

like

Facebook has extended its remote work policy through July 2021, but I'm told I'd still have to relocate by the end of the year if I accept an offer. I have an infant so this is risky. Can I request an exception or will they look for someone else then?

like

Quick question - are online coding schools worth it? I’m thinking of a career change and I’ve thought about a coding Boot Camp but saw an online full stack developer course by mammoth interactive. Would I be wasting my time and money with something like this if I wanted to go into an industry as a coder? Or should I just go back to school?

like

Anyone have thoughts on a MDM on your personal phone? I want to be able to check my email/slack on my phone but I don’t want my company to also have all this access to my personal device. Can anyone give insight if I’m overthinking this or if it’s a definite “No”.

like

GCP cloud engineer associate offer was rescinded by kpmg last minute due to “business needs”. If anyone can refer me to any associate cloud engineering roles preferably GCP please ping me!

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal