{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

You may be pleasantly surprised by people. I'm a proponent of visibility in the workplace. It may give strength to someone else that you don't realize may be struggling with coming out too. Plus, it's now a part of pop culture to be LGBT; and workplaces are leading the charge with diversity and inclusion initiatives. I leverage this aspect of myself in the workplace and upper management and partners frequently reach out to me to provide me with opportunities for higher visibility in the office strictly because of that aspect of myself.

like

At your firm, how would you say internal initiatives/ ENGs are split by gender? Flipping through some of ours, I’m seeing the majority are women. How can we get men more involved?

like

Has anyone done a 2-hr roundtrip daily commute for years? Unfortunately in this situation due to location of spouse’s job -it’s fairly rural and that area doesn’t have the same level of education (kid is about to start K), diversity, convenience, jobs opps me, stuff to do or parks as our current city has. Switching jobs is not an option for him unfortunately. I do feel very guilty about the long commute for him though.

like

had a miscarriage (knew the gender and developed a connection) and trying to pull it together for my toddler. will start therapy but feeling so unstable. any tips to survive this? husband knows i’m sad but not as supportive as I want him to be.

like

Someone in the country is going to say something amazingly stupid and hateful comment regarding Orlando. Let diversity and peace prevail.

like

Quite a few diversity posts have popped up, here are my thoughts and would like yours too: the end goal should be to have a work force that is representative of our country. Cont.

likehelpful

I wish glass door would tell you gender. Would love to see how much more men creatives still get paid more than women.

like

How do you deal with non-accepting family members? I don’t make it a thing, but I’ve been advised to take off my tie and change into more feminine clothing around them. I am okay with not discussing my personal life, but I don’t feel comfortable changing my dress. So I just don’t keep in contact with those relatives. A therapist told me that I am not secure in my gender identity if I am not willing to take off a tie and show compassion to a family member who would be upset by it? Am I selfish?

like

:) diversity is good, as long as everyone is Wealthy!

Post Photo
likeupliftingsmartfunny

thoughts on this inclusion thing? As a minority it seems to be a publicity stunt... for the pictures and social media posts... Just confused about why we are still talking about what needs to get done

like

Hello London folk. There’s a lot of great chat about diversity in adland on fishbowl, but it’s all very US based. So I’ve just started a bowl on diversity in London specifically - 9qo8f

like

The concept of PAR can be applied to racial equity and inclusion work as: Privilege Accountability Responsibility Privilege is reinforced over time - it does not happen suddenly!

I hope most of us can agree on the below as fellow Americans: -Any group wanting to cause harm to people or a specific group of people have no place in our country. -Clearly our country is hurting and needs productive dialogue at the community, state, and national level from both sides. -One side is never right. MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN are also rarely right. -We’re in dire need of empathy and care for one another regardless of political views, race, geographic location, gender, etc.

like

Anyone here work for Accenture? Curious on the culture and what diversity looks like there.

like

What are the chances of tesla going down to 450-500 range by next week end after snp inclusion?

like

Can y’all confirm someone’s gender + interest before sliding into their DM’s please. Very out of pocket behavior. M here, tired of random men sliding into my DM’s and being weirdos. Same with y’all women. My DM’s are a safe, respectful place. Be. Nice.

funnylikesmart

I really don’t understand the hate against Diversity and Inclusion efforts. I grew up hearing my parents worry about being passed over for promotions and denied opportunities, due to race. It’s a real concern for black professionals.

likefunnysmarthelpful

If I ever hear the argument "we shouldn't push this person, she has an excellent chance at promotion to start with and she'll additionally benefit from the Diversity targets" as an argument to OPPOSE someone's promotion, I may scream! Insight of my day: some of my colleagues are both sexist and quite petty. If this weren't a candidate I already support, I'd now be pushing this promotion just to piss them off!

likesmart

I did a photo shoot for my firm’s diversity campaign and they made me look browner than I am to make a point :/ Not sure what to do

likefunnyhelpful

Additional Posts

Can I please get a referral in Amazon..I have the job id ready. Will be really grateful 🙏

like

What are the current financial benefits like at all the big 4 these days after corona? (401k, pension/alternative investment contribution etc). KPMG has a pension currently but it’s been severely reduced as well as the 401k match.

like

How many of you have complicated relationship with your father? My father had an affair and hurt my mom all throughout...they r still married but I can't forgive him!

like

Looking for a referral to BCG. Anyone willing to help?

funnylike

Currently looking for jr copywriter job, but I’m seeing mostly copywriter jobs that require 2-3 yrs. My other option seems to be an internship. What’s the likelihood of a jr copywriter position?

Is there such a thing as an A1 experienced associate at PwC? Got an offer for an A1 experienced associate but the salary is lower than I was expecting - I was thinking A1 would be a campus hire. Any insight from PwC fish appreciated

like

I have 3 bonus kids and 2 bio kids. I am counting the days until my youngest bonus kid leaves the nest.

like

Just got laid off and want to move back to the east coast. Any advice for either before I'm officially kicked out of the office or for the new job hunt?

likehelpful

Honest reviews about interview kickstart? Is it worth it?

like

How much should I spend on an office chair for this next period of WFH time?

like

PwC reimbursement policy - will it cover part time MBA for assurance staff ?

like

A recruiter reached out to me and told me that the company is targeting $130k-$160k depends on my experience and 10k sign-on bonus. It’s a senior full stack software engineer position at a start up/mid size company. I have 3 YOE, how much should I negotiate?

like

Anyone want to study for the CPA over zoom? I hate studying alone and feel it would be better with a group everyday. Let me know if interested!!

like

How are the ice rinks doing in times of Covid? Crowded? Closed? Safe? Other fun activities for a Saturday afternoon with friends that are Covid-safe?

like

What is this about OT labor laws that took effect on 12/1/16 resulting in Big 4 layoffs nationwide? Does anyone know a little more about this?

like

Legal question for internationals. Is it ok to work remotely as freelance from US agency without working visa? I will be in the US for vacations.

While working through this pandemic, has anyone else realized that biglaw maybe isn’t for them? The partners will do anything to protect their partnership share at their associates expense.

like

Client was at a desired exit, had weekly interactions with the team there, and project ended well. Any recommended next steps, ultimately would like a role there but perhaps not this team.

like

Help, I started at Wayfair and it’s terrible 1 month in. Looking for a referral anywhere else. Strategy and technology focused.

like

I always beat myself up after an interview because I realize I left something out or could’ve used a better example. Any tips on how to stop thinking about an interview after it’s done? It’s driving me crazy…

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal