{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 68, "vote_count": 21, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Anyone looking to move to a mid size consulting firm (West Monroe)- doing super exciting work with a great company culture and very fair compensation, hit me up. We are growing very rapidly and hiring aggressively! Also really trying to increase diversity so there’s that too! Shoot me a message and let me know!

like

Thoughts on BBDO SF? Specifically on creative diversity?

like

Thoughts on Deloitte getting rid of diversity groups...it seems unnecessary to me. IMO Including white males in the discussion can be accomplished without disbanding groups.

like

I’m in a final round at Uber, but worried I’m there to just fill the diversity candidate spot from their “Rooney rule” policy. Anyone have any advice on how to figure out if that’s true or am I just being crazy?

like

Hello all, how can we approach the gender pay gap at our respective employers? I know I’ve mentioned it before but it seems to make Culture & Talent, as well as Legal cringe. I don’t expect them to publish salaries, nor do I wish this, I just want to see what steps we can take to make our voices heard. Let’s open the floor up for ideas and suggestions!!

Post Photo
like
like

10-person team and I’m the only woman. Yay for diversity.

likefunny

Yay! It’s “diversity” y’all! 🙄

Post Photo
funnylike

I know this topic does not get talked about much but will eventually impact almost all of us so here goes. I am thinking of retiring (early) and would love recommendations for countries that I can retire to that. Primary factors would be cost if living, safety, warm climate, good health care system, (preferably) close to the US - not a requirement, stable government and laws, diversity in landscape (beach, rivers, mountains). Definitely not super rich so thinking of 5k a month in expenses.

like

we just had a day full of workshops about inclusion, so maybe my job is safe for a few months.

likefunny

wtf does a "chief diversity officer" do exactly? forgive my dumb white ass but besides recruiting multicultural people and maybe hosting some events, is there really place for a c-suite role here?

like

Can you one whose worked at multiple firms gove insight on which ones are/were better in terms of diversity, compensation, and culture?

like

Diversity and Inclusion speakers. Who’s got it going on? Can be from anywhere. Any topics/questions that they addressed that stood out to you?

like

Doing a poll here to see the gender split in this bowl. can you lease ‘like’ one of the options below ? (It’s more efficient than each of us typing a separately response)

I do not care about my gender. I do not identify with anything and I don't care what pronouns people want to use for me. They can call me a she or he or they and it just doesn't matter to me. I don't know what to call that? Non-binary folks I've met feel pretty strongly that they are not "male" or "female." I don't feel strongly like that. Idk. Just confused I guess lol

like

Anyone have insight on joining a company that’s known as a “white boys club?” Have an offer in hand that I really like but not much diversity from what I see. Not sure how this’ll impact me, if at all

like

Desperately seeking more diversity in this industry. No matter how much one agency claims to be diverse, it’s just never there

like

I am Looking to make an impact at the middle school I work at. Does anyone have any ideas? I was thinking of starting a social group or inclusion group. I am an RSP teacher.

like

How come there’s no diversity hires for Asians...😕

likehelpfulfunny

What industries are people in this bowl from? I love the diversity!!

likehelpful

Additional Posts

What are fund accountant at admin currently making (i.e CITCO, MORGAN STANLEY,SS&C, NT? ) Please provide the below information: Company Position Years at company Salary Bonus

like

I’m up for promotion for a senior role, but also got a management consulting offer (associate) at a B4. The consulting role sounds more interesting on paper, but not sure which to choose

likesmart

Happy Friday everyone! Does anyone have insight on SmartAsset? I have an interview with them next week and was wanting to gain some insight if possible

like

I have managed and implemented Oracle projects for the last 10 years. I am a PMP, CSCP and PSM certified. I am looking for a change with a salary of 150,000. Any recommendations?

like

Anyone looking to move to a mid size consulting firm (West Monroe)- doing super exciting work with a great company culture and very fair compensation, hit me up. We are growing very rapidly and hiring aggressively! Also really trying to increase diversity so there’s that too! Shoot me a message and let me know!

like

Does EY pay for global entry renewal fee? If so how do I expense it?

like

Is 106.7 the bonus multiplier in AP? 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

What's the typical salary at Deloitte for 3-3.5 yoe in java at Deloitte USI? Deloitte

like

ACN Strat: how common is it for people to be let go? Be it being on bench too long, performance, etc. Seems it’s a common thing at some firms

like

Hi All, Can you please give some idea about the salary expectations from Accenture for AWS devops position of 3+ yoe. I am having a offer letter from TCS(8 lpa) for same role. TIA🙏

like

Delta broke my checked in luggage wheel and is reimbursing me around $150. What should I get? Domestic carry-on mostly.

like

For those who does internal strategy or consulting, what is the SOC job code used for h1b or 140? Thank you!

like

I feel like my classroom is really small. It’s an interior room, so there are no windows, which doesn’t help. I’m looking for suggestions that make my room feel larger and brighter. Thanks!

like

Hi folks! Does anyone know if you need full original copy of h1b i797 notice or just the bottom section of it for DL renewal? I only got the latter from the HR so wondering 😕

like

Any insights on CP+B Boulder? Are layoffs still rampant/has Bogusky’s return changed anything for the better?

likefunny

Easily the shittiest internship ever. Way to go PwC, not even your brainwashing trip to Disney will save this 😂👌🏽.

like

What’s the comp for a shareholder at GT?

like

What should I brush up on for my 75-100 min AWS assessment for the Solutions Architect role? Any specific technical knowledge that’s tested?

like

Any ADs need book pieces? I have some cool stuff that’s been approved by multiple Miami ad teachers and intern mentors, but the art direction could use some love.

like

Absolutely crestfallen... Seven year old son said he wanted to be a firefighter...NOT that he wanted to become a management consultant for the prestigious McKinsey & Company. I even asked him his total comp and he said he didn't have any... Fellas, is he behind? What TC should he expect at this age? How can I get him to pivot and realize his dreams are wrong?

likefunnyhelpfulsmart

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal