{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 68, "vote_count": 21, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

How do you promote equity, diversity, and inclusion in your school community?

like

What’s your gender, age, & city? After dropping your info, respond to others in your area

like

I’m a mid-level working in a niche area in NYC. I like the work I do, put in long hours, high quality work, take time to mentor juniors, etc. I see myself at a law firm long term but now wondering if this is the right firm to make partner. Among others, one big concern I have is the non-existent emphasis on diversity and inclusion initiatives (they aren’t even pretending to care...), no committees, no statements in support of POC, etc. How do I find firms really committed to these issues?

like

SM asked me to “fix the gender ratio” on a pursuit deck where I had a team of 3 men and 5 women. Guarantee if it had been 6 men and 2 women he wouldn’t have batted an eye 🙄

likesmart

Anyone ever used a ride share app that employs women only? Really wish it was an option to choose gender on Uber... especially for late night rides

like

Happy MLK day 🐟 fam! Would like to get some positive buzz going. Start: I appreciate the diversity of discourse here, so many strangers offering helpful advice, a shoulder to lean, or simply empathy.

likeuplifting

Diversity in advertising is great, however I think it should also include diversity in opinion/political views. Anyone agree/disagree?

likehelpful

I know I want a job change but not sure to what. I actually enjoy strategy and consulting and want to make good money. I can learn and get interested in just about anything and I like diversity in my work. That’s all I’ve got so far. What else do you all consider in a job move?

like

Google is putting on an entire Juneteenth celebration complete with a concert, happy hour, cookout etc for employees...🎉🎉🎉 The lack of diversity at Google is quite real, but I appreciate their...

like

Does anyone love the fact about FB that the comments are gender neutral - meaning you don't know whether they are from a guy/gal explicitly ?

like

Be honest; are you tired of the word "diversity"?

like

I’m working on a diversity and inclusion survey. Interest in workplace surveys can be low, but I’d love to see high engagement on this one as it will help us understand where we can improve...(cont)

like

#Genders Women, do you find it difficult to work with men? Men, do you find it difficult to work with women? If there is something you absolutely hate and would like to change when working with the other gender, what would it be? PS: I'm sorry for focusing on male/female genders in the question, but it's valid for anyone having different experience working with other genders than theirs.

like

we just had a day full of workshops about inclusion, so maybe my job is safe for a few months.

likefunny

How many agencies that have spent the last year talking about Black Lives Matter/equality/diversity and then don’t do a very simple thing like closing in recognition of MLK Day?

likesmart

Question for the married folks. What in your opinion would have been the right age to marry? I also understand there are several factors but im respectfully more so interested in the age, gender and reason for your answer. Grazie!!

like

Just wondering how many of y’all volunteer at your agency’s Diversity and inclusion committee/taskforce/Ect?

like

Anyone have first hand experience working at Ryan, LLC? Pay/Culture/Leadership/Diversity etc..

like

My work is highly focused on inclusion and today, while driving through the park, I felt bad for laughing at a group of larpers. They have nerf combat gear, too. I tried hard not to be insensitive to them being their true selves but i laughed … hard! And now I feel bad for laughing at them.

Additional Posts

Currently I own VOO, VXUS, QQQ, and tiny positions in ARKK. Should I buy emerging markets/mid-cap etfs? Increase my 10% position in international? Or something else. Mid 20s.

like

Long shot but anyone exit into a consumer insights role at a creative advertising agency?

likefunny

What’s up dad fam? Nanny vs. Daycare - we just had our second kid. Thoughts??

For those who got fired, what were the reasons given?

like

This is just weird. (Layoffs a week or so ago)

Post Photo
likefunnyhelpful

I'm up for a promo, EA to SA. Currently making 80k base. What would you expect a promotion raise to be? Given the pay band shift and new cohorts?

like

Seeing some people just roll out the bed and show up on zoom meetings. I think this will come in handy to remind them to shower and change, ‘hopefully’? 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Post Photo
likefunnyhelpful

For annual bonus and raise, if you came into the company mid year,do you still get the annual raise, or is it after one full year of service, and then you have to wait until the usual bonus month?

like

Is anyone on here familiar with Activate Consulting, the TMT-focused boutique? I’d love to hear anything and everything about the firm’s reputation and culture. What is the bulk of the functional work that they do? Are they very involved in deal origination and strategic due diligence?

like

Would you leave to a Microsoft PMM role if you only have one year left till promotion to manager at your firm? Exit now or wait and get the title? Thoughts?

like

Looking at making a move from a top 20 city to PNW farm style living. Work from home permanently and live peacefully. I'd be close enough to SEA that I'd be able to make it work if I had to (ie if remote ops reversed course) Anyone thinking similar or already done so? Also,has anyone sold their house to an institutional buyer? Obviously, you may get less cash, but it will also take longer to sell, so you are paying holding costs, etc and taking on more market risk.

like

Looking for permanent work from home ,any idea which companies can provide that.

like

Deloitte IT M&A or KPMG IT M&A. Theoretical gun to the head and you gotta choose one, where do you go? Why?

like

Reviews coming up, seeking a promotion to SAE, what range should I be looking at? 5/6 yrs experience. LA.

like

I’m planning to buy the study materials for the SHRM-CP certificate through Amazon. What are the best ones to obtain?

likehelpful

Vuzix, got in at $4.50 and this company is going places. Their smart glasses can be used across nearly all industries and has a ton of applications, and they hold critical patents for their industry. Very long on this one - cell phones went from clunky to sexy in just a few years. The wearable tech is getting better and better by the day and the pricing more affordable, just about to gain steam. High insider ownership and no selling with the run up or attempts to raise capital

like

How do you make WFH work for you? Dealing with loneliness, inefficient communication with team, client, etc. thank you!

like

How is culture at Strategy&?

like

Have you ever been staffed on a project by yourself? Can this really be anything other than just staff aug or if you are a super SME?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal