{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 69, "vote_count": 21, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech", "feed_type": "crowd" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Micro aggressions are real and not acceptable in professional offices. If it bothers you, it bothers someone else too. There are great ways of shutting it down politely and publicly so that others can feel empowered to voice their discomfort in those situations.

like

Shutting down someone publicly is the definition of dick behavior. If you expect someone to respect you, you need to offer them the same respect in kind and work it out in private. This is also a great way to give people a reason not to want to work with you.

No you are not

like

Related Posts

Hi this year my school went to full inclusion therfore my mild moderate self contained class was dissolved as my students were pushed into general ed classes. I am now called an inclusion teacher. Anyone else experience this? If so what are your thoughts? Thanks!

like

VMLY&R's "diversity and inclusion" hero image...

Post Photo
funnylikeuplifting

Did anyone else lol at some of the suggestions in that “how to increase diversity in agencies” thread on the main bowl last week?

likefunny

Any ladies in this bowl? Lot of talk about gender inequality. Hope folks don't turn their attention to analytics, sheesh.

like

We are told not to speak about religion, politics and money at work, etc but doesnt this counter the idea of furthering society? Should we instead learn to speak about these with respecting diversity?

like

I’m about to have EY file my I-485 based on my employment (I-140 pending)… but my spouse just got picked for diversity lottery. Given his current I-485 application is dependent on my job is it worth him filing under diversity lottery or should I just leave it? Thanks in advance for thoughts!

like

Considering moving to Denver for starting a young family. Corporate Tax/ASC 740: how are the opportunities/job market and pay level in PA vs industry in Denver? Which company with Corporate Tax/ASC 740 would you recommend? I'm an Asian woman, if anyone would like to chime in on diversity/opportunity for minorities too. Appreciate it!

like

Any Jewish folks here? Need help addressing a Bat Mitzvah card. The invite says “Sarah is called to the Torah as a b’nei mitzvah”. According to Google, b’nei is the plural term for boys and girls. Want to avoid assigning gender to someone I don’t know and just saying Bat (vs Bar for men). What do I say in the card… congratulations as you celebrate your Bat Mitzvah? Bnei Mitzvah? Thanks!

smart

Australian recruiters - how do you find and attract female engineers and tradespeople? Having trouble meeting the diversity KPIs for this profile... Cheers

like

hello all! as a gender non-confirming person i wanted to create a space where queer folks can come together and connect over topics that affect us uniquely in tech and otherwise. thanks for being here 🤗

like

65 Ads aired durning yesterday’s Super Bowl. 2 were directed by women, 1 by an Indian director and 3 by Black directors. On advertising’s biggest stage we failed as an industry. Yes we saw more diversity in front of the camera, but that’s performative because it’s SEEN what was needed was greater diversity behind the camera. New Year - same ole BS. When will things change?!

like

I don’t get these gender reveal parties. If it’s a boy they are happy, if it’s a girl they are happy. Just get a party and be happy ... lol

like

I hope most of us can agree on the below as fellow Americans: -Any group wanting to cause harm to people or a specific group of people have no place in our country. -Clearly our country is hurting and needs productive dialogue at the community, state, and national level from both sides. -One side is never right. MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN are also rarely right. -We’re in dire need of empathy and care for one another regardless of political views, race, geographic location, gender, etc.

like

PROPOSAL: everyone states their race, gender, and age before posting or replying to anything This way we can guess people’s motivations better without having to address the point their making and can just generally expedite the marginalisation process

likefunny

You’re a WOC who advocates for inclusion in the industry. Your supervisor refers to what you do as “waving the diversity flag.” Are you offended?

likefunny

What is the point of HR? Supposedly champions diversity and ⬇️pay gap??? I’m on the inside -all but 1 of new leaders got £30K pay rises. The 1 who didn’t is female,muslim, POC, 40+ -expose them or not?

like

How do you promote diversity and inclusion on your teams?

like

Best hair ties for men? places like target don't even include men in gender option 💀

like

I cannot stand when the men on my team start calling eachother "dude" and "bro". Am I crazy or are these slight microaggressions? It feels like a flaunt of masculinity and makes me uncomfortable as a female in the same conversation.

likefunny

Additional Posts

test on 1.1.5!

like

What are some good companies to work for in Dallas?

test post from test

like

Post for comments

like

Post for push testing

like

Not seeing any other posts!

Living it up in the city.

Bhh d hhjjj dudjejr the jejune rhjejej. Jdjdjdn dhejejjdne dhejejjdne hehehehehje rhjejej he hehehehehje rhjejej

like

Top top post!

like

Fhhbbbbjjnnnnnnsn dnnsndjjjd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd now djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd do. D dndnnfndnnsdhjdjdjdjnd

like

Hhjjndjjffjjddjdh dndbbdndjjdjdndnnf dndbdhjxjdjd djdjhdjdjdjhdjndndndjdjdjdjjcncndjdjnd dhdjhdjdjdjhddhhd ghhhhhhh ghbbbbb fghhhhhhbh cvhhhhhhbhbb ghhbb. Hjnxnxndbd vsbdbddbbxbdbbd dbdhdhdjjxndnbdhdh

like

My company is now displaying!

like

This is looking great!

Post new user

like

Reality Check. Driving up 275 in DTW on way to client. Pulled over at Rest Area as a particularly animated conference call I needed to focus on. Spent the next 30 mins on the call observing (cont)

like

Guys - What are the best/cheap shopping malls to visit today around NYC or NJ. Have some family over and want to take them there

like

I need help with Amex point redemption. Is there a website or tool that aggregates Amex partners and flight redemption options?

like

Book recommendations threads! Include title with a brief summary: ‘The Philosopher and the Wolf’ by Mark Rowlands. A book about connections beyond humans. Not just with animals, but the world. He does a phenomenal job of wrapping philosophical thoughts and theories into every day life. Highly recommend for those who love the outdoors, have a dog, or want a new outlook on life.

like

I vacationed on a luxury ($40M) yacht this past week. The owner is a family friend and owns a Hedge Fund. I realized that in order to generate real wealth you have to own your own business. The small increments I get for promotions will never allow me to create real wealth. Starting my own business seems like it will cost my mental and physical health. The American Dream of making it from the bottom to the top seems “almost” unattainable. Anyone else feel this way?

likesmarthelpful

Got a T&T violation email from Deloitte saying that I will have a ethics review within 60 days. I added a security but forgot to add a brokerage account, I promptly closed my account when T&T reached out to me last month. Should I be worried, how serious are these? Can they ask for my tax returns?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal