{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Has anyone else experienced gender discrimination in their organization?

like

Frustrates me so much that almost all the partners in Mckinsey regions I see are from Harvard - can’t make that alumni connect. They need some diversity up there, throw in a state school will ya!

like

increasingly wary of the concept of "cultural fit". wouldn't you want a diversity of personalities? isn't it important for business to have at least one skeptic in the room?

like

So. Much. Diversity.

Post Photo
likefunnysmartuplifting

What are the best cities to move to now for young single wanting to socialize more, enjoy the weather and outdoors, explore more diversity, have a good professional environment, and find a partner? Looking at LA, SF, and NYC. 31M currently Chicago based.

like

Agency Idea: The Ginger Group. Redheads only. You should see our Diversity and Inclusion page!

likefunny

Heads of Diversity & Inclusion. Do we never get any Asian persons to qualify for such positions in Corp America??

likeuplifting

It’s 2020, are men still expected to pay on the first date or is it acceptable to split 50-50? Not trying to start a whole debate on modern gender dynamics, I just need practical advice.

likefunnysmart

Have you participated in LeanIn Circles at your firm? Thoughts? Also, let's please keep the gender issue hating comments civil if they come at all

Which firm takes inclusion the most serious?

like

Get to know me! - Worked in Tech for over 20 yrs - Born and raised in The Dominican Republic - Moved to he US at 17 after HD - Living in NYC - Started as a Help Desk Support Technician - Love humans way more than technology - Fierce advocate for Diversity and Inclusion - My mission si to elevate the voices of women and underrepresented minorities in Tech - Love traveling and photography - Ready to give back! How about you?

Post Photo
likeuplifting

Of course Bezos tapped another cis-gender White male as his successor...why would we expect otherwise?

likefunny

Everyone: We asked for diversity and visible minorities in this video. This edit shows 90% whites dudes... The producer: The guy in the first shot is latino and there’s also an Irishman and an Australian bro at the end 😑

likefunnysmarthelpful

I hope most of us can agree on the below as fellow Americans: -Any group wanting to cause harm to people or a specific group of people have no place in our country. -Clearly our country is hurting and needs productive dialogue at the community, state, and national level from both sides. -One side is never right. MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN are also rarely right. -We’re in dire need of empathy and care for one another regardless of political views, race, geographic location, gender, etc.

like

Two-thirds of women say they’ve been bullied by another woman at work. What’s your take on it? I’m pretty sure that we’re equal with men on that one. Should bullying be assigned a gender?

likehelpful

Is anyone else having difficulty when teaching pronouns now with non-binary terms? My students insist on the fact that Susan doesn’t have to be she it could be they. Answer key says she. How do we handle this?!?!

likehelpful

Hey ladies 😊 I wanted to come on here for some objective opinions about the highly publicized gender wage gap conversation...cont.

like
like

Is anyone following this post about men not wanting to coach women because they’re afraid of false accusations? I’m very disheartened because I already face gender bias in a very competitive cont.

like

Additional Posts

EY - What is the maternity leave breakdown? 2 weeks prior to DD + X disability + 16 weeks parental leave + up to 3 weeks PTO? Is the usual 6-8 week disability/medical separate from the 16 week bonding leave?

like

Does anyone at McKinsey have product management or Data Analytics opportunities? Manager at Big 4 and want to also understand what level I should aim at?McKinsey & Company

like

Question - are junior partners at consulting firms “middle managers”? Where do you draw the line at MBB, S& and Deloitte?

like

Looking at senior associate roles in VC - what should comp expectations be?

like

Girlfriends mother attempted suicide last Friday (didn’t go through). We are long distance and she had panic attacks all weekend before calling me today to break up with me. I had no idea. Said she doesn’t have emotional capacity to be in a relationship. Not looking for advice, just heartbroken for her and for our relationship. I loved her more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life and she pushed me away 😞

like

Hey fellow fish- What is paternity leave policy for McKinsey (evaluating a transfer)

like

Anyone went through a interview for Sr. Delivery manager for Mulesoft recently. Looking for tips on questions and such.

like

How long did it take for you to get the i797 document after you see ur h1b transfer is approved when the case was premium?

like

Any other women get so overwhelmed the more we learn about our bodies and waht women have to deal with? Like PCOS, Thyroid, hashimotos, chronic pain, hormone imbalance, leg pain, endometriosis, undiagnosed ADD, birth control effects, PMDD etc. WHY didn’t we learn about this is health class???? Would have saved me so much struggling as adult had I been more educated on my body, what to look for and how to help it😭I hope anyone going through it knows you’re not alone!

like

Little overwhelmed at the moment and want to use passive investment. What is the closest thing to robo advisors like Wealthfront and Betterment, that we are allowed to use with the Independence related restrictions in B4? TIA

like

I’ve been tasked with finding a good gift to give an entire team to celebrate a milestone in the project - hoping to crowdsource some ideas. Budget is ~75 dollars per person. Can’t imagine people want a virtual happy hour or something that requires a time commitment. What are some good gifts you’ve seen/received?

like

I recently went alcohol free due to health reasons. Are there many other alcohol free fish out there? What are some tips in this business? The long dinners are tough. Thanks!

likesmarthelpful

Can you get points and Platinum benefits for your stay if you get a Marriott using Hotwire?

like

Currently at BCG, received offer from another MBB offering additional 12 months tenure credit for recognizing my prior-MBB experience. Jump?

like

Do you have any recommendation on a very good home office chair?

like

Any other analysts living paycheck to paycheck until that bonus or what

like

I asked my CFO (given they have worked with many HR) - what do the best HR do? They said HR can stay out of the fray. What does that mean to you? And what are your best techniques to being effective while staying out of the fray?

like

Why as an A2 in big 4 audit I feel I don’t know anything still. Is this normal? How do you go on to get promoted to senior if you still don’t know anything?

like

What’s the Kpmg match for 401k?

like

How’s the EY tech consulting interviews like? Any tips? Thanks y’all

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal