{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

What’s a better way to say, ‘you guys’?

like

Curious what everyone’s caseloads look like in their district if you are a resource room teacher. Do you have 504’s and IEP’s on your caseload?

like

I hope most of us can agree on the below as fellow Americans: -Any group wanting to cause harm to people or a specific group of people have no place in our country. -Clearly our country is hurting and needs productive dialogue at the community, state, and national level from both sides. -One side is never right. MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN are also rarely right. -We’re in dire need of empathy and care for one another regardless of political views, race, geographic location, gender, etc.

like

Is there a better city than the A in terms of diversity, cost of living, weather, airport, and overall stuff to do (nightlife, outdoors)? Some contenders (although doesn’t fit every category) include Dallas, Houston, Austin, Philly, Chicago, NOLA, some FL cities, Seattle, Denver, & Phoenix in my opinion

like

Parents are deciding between moving to WVirginia vs Virginia for retirement to be closer to us based in fairfax, va(ideally be at 1 hour driving distance). They currently in the mid west but WVirginia appeals to them because of low taxes, low cost of living. We are also poc so appreciate some diversity. What are some areas you would recommend both in Va and WV? What else should they consider prior to house hunting? Dad likes to garden/farm as well so looking for homes with large backyards. Tia!

like

This question is not gender related, yet I don’t want to be ‘mansplained’ to, hence asking here ;) it’s related to taxable income at Deloitte...

like

Is anyone else having difficulty when teaching pronouns now with non-binary terms? My students insist on the fact that Susan doesn’t have to be she it could be they. Answer key says she. How do we handle this?!?!

likehelpful

Happy Monday all! I am working on a panel discussion with 3 business leaders for increasing young female talent/pipeline in Tech with an inclusion lens. What questions do you have at the top of your mind? Theme is enhancing D&I through building female talent pipeline. Any suggestions are welcome :) Thank you.

likehelpful

Of course Bezos tapped another cis-gender White male as his successor...why would we expect otherwise?

likefunny

Are others seeing nepotism in candidates during recruiting that is counteracting diversity and inclusion efforts? How are you keeping the motivation to continue fighting for equality? Feeling very discouraged right now.

like

What are the chances of tesla going down to 450-500 range by next week end after snp inclusion?

like

Agency Idea: The Ginger Group. Redheads only. You should see our Diversity and Inclusion page!

likefunny

Which firm takes inclusion the most serious?

like

Someone in the country is going to say something amazingly stupid and hateful comment regarding Orlando. Let diversity and peace prevail.

like

Is anyone following this post about men not wanting to coach women because they’re afraid of false accusations? I’m very disheartened because I already face gender bias in a very competitive cont.

like

So. Much. Diversity.

Post Photo
likefunnysmartuplifting

Be honest; are you tired of the word "diversity"?

like

Everyone: We asked for diversity and visible minorities in this video. This edit shows 90% whites dudes... The producer: The guy in the first shot is latino and there’s also an Irishman and an Australian bro at the end 😑

likefunnysmarthelpful

Let’s hear some stories of adversity and overcoming challenges. Socioeconomic, race, gender, disability etc. Work or personal. I think we all need some inspiration that we can overcome, no matter what.

like

Hey ladies 😊 I wanted to come on here for some objective opinions about the highly publicized gender wage gap conversation...cont.

like

Additional Posts

Has anyone here made the move from agency life to tech? I have a job offer from a unicorn series G company for a senior design program manager role and need help understanding if the equity they’ve offered is fair. Would appreciate the help as I need to get back to them ASAP.

like

Generalist🐠at MBB: do corp dev roles at FAANG, or operational VC/PE roles, care that you were a “generalist” when exiting? I’ve been approached for data analytics roles at MBB (some specialized), but everyone tells me to go generalist when starting....

like

My contract has 4 week notice for leaving the job, and the new job I’m about to accept would like me to start asap (and so would I). How shitty is it to do 4 week notice with 2 of those being vacation? Wouldn’t want to burn a bridge but 4 weeks, jeez.

like

Anyone know of opps for someone with 10+ YOE in sales strategy and operations. Exp includes Leading business/digital transformations focused on BPI, go-to-market strategy & channel optimization. Heavy data/analytics exp focused on customer. Candidate has an MBA.

like

People on H1B, how is the job market now? I haven’t applied for a job for almost a year now and returning from my maternity leave soon, so wanted to gauge if it’s a good time to start applying.🙏

like

having trouble itemizing cell phone expense and finding a wbs code @ deloitte. any help is appreciated

like

Hi! Can anyone share offers they have negotiated for a program manager role at Facebook, google and/or sales force? Or similar companies. Almost 11 years of management consulting experience. Total comp including base, rsu and any bonuses would help!!

like

Is it recommended to get two full years of consulting experience before looking for a move elsewhere...for more comp (say to another Big 4, industry, attempt at MBB or FAANG)? Already have 8 yoe in the DoD space outside of consulting. And about 16 months of consulting exp

like

Highest paid accounting exit opp? (Eg. Accountant, FP&A, Internal audit, advisory, etc)

like

Seriously considering buying a used camper, doing a light renovation, and taking it out west and just working remote next summer. Put all of my belongings in storage, set my parents address as mailing address, and just be a nomad for at least next summer. I would get a Verizon router for WFH. Am I crazy to be seriously considering doing this? Single M 🐠, 26.

likeuplifting

Deloitte India offering Associate Director role. How is the work culture and work life balance? SCNO team.

like

Is it normal for companies to schedule more rounds of interviews with you after the on-site?

like

Best consulting firms with best WLB? Do they exist? Young professional starting to think about where I'd like to work hard to end up in the next 5-10 years.

like

Can’t wait for excuse #2292928272 as to why I’m not getting a promotion that I was promised months ago...

Average total comp for a PE associate?

like

Currently working in tax consulting at a big4 considering making the switch to strat consulting since I have internship experience at an MBB or move to a stratops/ bizops role in tech. For context I have 2-3 years work experience and my goal is to have a somewhat decent WLB with an interesting team. Should I go through the process with strat consulting firms or directly look into stratops?

like

Anybody here in cyber security transformation? Or a similar technology transformation / strategy type role? I am just wondering more on what to expect in my next role, and if I will be picking up some useful knowledge or skills — or if I’ll be back to doing PMO for more money. Thanks in advance.

like

Anxiety during time off - I’m currently (& usually) worried about going back to work during the break. just anxious of all that I need to do. Any advice? I just want to enjoy this this holiday break

like

Applying for MBA programs in Fall 2021. When I matriculate I’ll have 7 years of healthcare consulting experience. Will this give me a competitive advantage when I apply and will I be among the oldest students by far?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal