{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 69, "vote_count": 21, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech", "feed_type": "crowd" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Micro aggressions are real and not acceptable in professional offices. If it bothers you, it bothers someone else too. There are great ways of shutting it down politely and publicly so that others can feel empowered to voice their discomfort in those situations.

like

Shutting down someone publicly is the definition of dick behavior. If you expect someone to respect you, you need to offer them the same respect in kind and work it out in private. This is also a great way to give people a reason not to want to work with you.

No you are not

like

Related Posts

Does working for Partners (particularly Boomers) of your respective ethnicity or diversity demographic feel like the ultimate haze? Do you feel like they haze you worse than your non-diverse peers?

like

I would love to hear views on should you make Diversity & Inclusion training mandatory? Why or why not? Thanks for any feedback.

like

Fun ideas for a mixed babyshower? Themes, games, activities, etc? (Gender and name known by everyone)

Hello, I am dying to know the average age and gender ( even non Binary) of people in this bowl. Just curious , I will start - Female 33Y

like

#Genders Women, do you find it difficult to work with men? Men, do you find it difficult to work with women? If there is something you absolutely hate and would like to change when working with the other gender, what would it be? PS: I'm sorry for focusing on male/female genders in the question, but it's valid for anyone having different experience working with other genders than theirs.

like

How are your firms responding and messaging to employees about the legislative attacks against LGBTQ+ folks in Texas, Utah, Florida, etc?

likefunny

Should we try our hand at matchmaking? Drop your age and gender and what you are looking for in the comments and maybe we can find your soulmate or at least a semi decent date

like

Looking for meeting someone in early thirties (as thats where I fall in) for a potentially long term alliance. But that someone must be understanding, non judgemental, supportive, kind, like a friend instead of someone who has like ownership rights over their spouse, would be great if they loved to travel/backpack, and most importantly don’t believe in gender roles. If atheist, that ll be a good common value to have too. Height, weight, looks, income not the deciding factor. I am a woman.

likefunnysmart

Genuinely curious as to why mansplaining occurs. Is it because they are not listening? Or were not listening? You explain something to them that they didn't know but they still explain back to you like you needed to be lectured on the topic. Why does this happen? (Also, the word is "mansplaining" but no exclusive of gender. I've seen men and women all do it. Although, most cases with men). This didn't happen to me, but I've seen it happen to a lot of people in meetings recently. Is it because..

like

My manager recently skipped me for a promotion. On confronting him and his manager they told that the reason for skipping me was budget constraints and some constraints from HR for gender diversity. They will look into my promotion next year only. Tried convincing them multiple times but of no use. However since I’m a key player in the latest project. The moment i put my resignation they are willing to give me promo but not matching the offer that i have. What to do?

like

Thanks for doing this Paul! I'm pretty interested in data on this. Do some states have teachers w/ more student loans than others? Is there a gender gap?

like

Anyone have insight on Reed Smith’s SF office? (Compensation, billable hour requirement, work life balance, diversity). I am considering a mid-level associate role.

like

So so cool to see Air Canada using a sari-clad, bindi-wearing lady in the safety video! Can’t think of many other countries where this would be possible, love this country and it’s diversity 😍🇨🇦

Post Photo
like

What’s the best way to explain the gender pay gap to a male coworker and friend? Men don’t seem to understand

like

Serious question - why don’t B schools treat everyone the same? Why is it harder for males? Why is it harder for Asians/Indians? I think each application should be viewed on its merits and gender and race shouldn’t be a factor at all. Thoughts?

likesmartfunny

Would like to start a salary, role, level, years experience, gender, market thread in this bowl...

like

Help! I’m hiring, and it’s down to 2 candidates. One is not as qualified, would require a lot of training, a great fit culturally and brings diversity to the agency. The other is more qualified, still a great fit culturally and wouldn’t require as much training, they were more prepared and I could put them in front of the client tomorrow, but they are non-BIPOC. Both are in the same range salary wise, and my team is SUPER small. Both are great fits, and I am torn. Advice? Please?

likefunny

Additional Posts

Bbdjdndjdjgsjdjcbbdbxndbdbcghsbxhdbdbbxbbdbdbbdbdhxhdbbdbxjdbxbhebsbxb dbdbdbd Bebe the. Dbdbdbd sehsbevshdvhdbdbdbdbdd dbhsbvdbdvdvdbvduchhcbd dbhsbvdbdvdvdbvduchhcbd and I have love you so too but I

like

Testing a new post at 12:06PT 5.12

like

Post with company

like

Hhjjndjjffjjddjdh dndbbdndjjdjdndnnf dndbdhjxjdjd djdjhdjdjdjhdjndndndjdjdjdjjcncndjdjnd dhdjhdjdjdjhddhhd ghhhhhhh ghbbbbb fghhhhhhbh cvhhhhhhbhbb ghhbb. Hjnxnxndbd vsbdbddbbxbdbbd dbdhdhdjjxndnbdhdh

like

Pouring one out for our fallen brethren who have to travel for the short thanksgiving week. May God have mercy on your souls.

like

Senior last week:"Friday's are a great day to get work done, plan to stay till at least 6". Other senior this week:"Why are you still here? It's 1 on a Friday!" 🙄

like

Does anyone else find it troubling that firm holidays are not factored into our utilization targets? Think those 12 days should be removed from the CSH 🎯 denominator we're judged by at YE.

like

Plane moving = anesthesia

like

Anyone taken the pay day to switch between competitors (ACN, Deloitte, PwC, etc.)? If so, what kind of raise / bonus did you get? I'm a new consultant making ~$95k. Also interested in MBB figures.

like

Do you prefer Starwood or Marriott and why? I have roughly half points in both but thinking of focusing on one now.

like

I resent athletes who don't stand for the national anthem. Especially one day like today, where I'm reminded of the immense sacrifice so many have made for this country.

like

1% raise, 0 VC, joined as an associate Sep last year. Deloitte is offering me the a 30% raise + higher title - do I stick it out at KPMG bc I've garnered a network or start over at Deloitte?

like

I know this is going to start so much shit talk, but as a white female who likes and has nice things, I find myself in situations where some less privileged black people treat me like crap.

like

iOS10, can't swipe to open my fishbowl notification?! Bad update

like

I haven't stayed at Marriott for a while but I just logged in and it looks like they think I'm Platinum. Last time I checked I was Gold (a year ago). Has this happened to anyone else?

like

Most ridiculous title you’ve seen on LinkedIn? Bonus points for their real job title

likefunnyhelpfulupliftingsmart

It’s officially Christmas season, what are the most 🙊😱 🙈you have seen at your firm Christmas party??

likefunnyupliftinghelpfulsmart

Hot take: consultants at MBB have big egos and seem to promote the idea that they're the "best of the best" not realizing that, in 2021, the "best of the best" works in "tech" typically as engineers and consultants are actually just overworked also rans with oversized egos.

likefunnysmarthelpful

Kid isn’t legally allowed to buy a gun so what law would’ve prevented this? I’m in favor of some laws, I also own guns.

Post Photo
likesmarthelpfulfunny

Vote the second language that you can speak🇨🇮🇮🇳🇨🇳🇨🇦🇧🇷🇨🇰🇯🇵

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal