{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 68, "vote_count": 21, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Referral for FaceBook Diversity Equity & Inclusion Manager? Looking for someone who is currently a Diversity Equity & Inclusion Manager for a tier 2 city and previously a DEI Program Coordinator for a tier 1 city.

like

Big four advisory salaries and diversity across geographies

like

I’m a mid-level working in a niche area in NYC. I like the work I do, put in long hours, high quality work, take time to mentor juniors, etc. I see myself at a law firm long term but now wondering if this is the right firm to make partner. Among others, one big concern I have is the non-existent emphasis on diversity and inclusion initiatives (they aren’t even pretending to care...), no committees, no statements in support of POC, etc. How do I find firms really committed to these issues?

like

Anyone ever used a ride share app that employs women only? Really wish it was an option to choose gender on Uber... especially for late night rides

like

Once again liberals show how much they really want diversity and equality by banning conservative pundit Ben Shapiro from speaking at DePaul university. Way to go social justice warriors.

like
likesmarthelpful

Parents are deciding between moving to WVirginia vs Virginia for retirement to be closer to us based in fairfax, va(ideally be at 1 hour driving distance). They currently in the mid west but WVirginia appeals to them because of low taxes, low cost of living. We are also poc so appreciate some diversity. What are some areas you would recommend both in Va and WV? What else should they consider prior to house hunting? Dad likes to garden/farm as well so looking for homes with large backyards. Tia!

like

trying to decipher: Persons background is very technical and they are the "go to" for technical matters on the team. When projects are being considered, they are usually last in line for inclusion

like

Thoughts on Deloitte getting rid of diversity groups...it seems unnecessary to me. IMO Including white males in the discussion can be accomplished without disbanding groups.

like

Which brands are killing diversity and inclusion right now? They all won’t be Nike-Kaepernick but would love to know who else is implementing meaningful, measurable work.

helpful

Shameful! Diversity, inclusion, and support is a good start.

Post Photo
likefunnyhelpful

What agencies out there have great diversity in their employees and in their work?

like

Favorite gender neutral secret santa gifts under 25. Go!

like

Does anyone notice there has been an increase of Asian Americans suddenly trying to benefit from initiatives fought for by Black Americans while claiming their struggle trumps that of Black Americans? I find it strange. At my firm, I am a senior exec who have seen Black colleagues fight for 7+ years for diversity initiatives and we have finally gotten some notice at my firm. Nobody wants to be a minority until it’s beneficial to be one. And I peep the game and the change in behavior

likefunny

Let’s discuss gender pay gaps by assessing our own discrepancies. I’ll start. I’m a 29 YO female, almost 6 years experience total, at a 115 base, guaranteed 126 if I meet utilization, with potential for more bonus. No target school or MBA. I’m happy with where I’m at, but are my male counterparts on here making more or relatively the same?

funny

Sometimes I want to test the boundaries of the firms diversity tolerance by wearing suits in the style of Deion Sanders, Shannon Sharpe, and Steve Harvey in the workplace.

like

Just got a new job and feeling like the “diversity hire.” Everyone else is white or Indian and in the town halls they keep talking about upping Diversity and Inclusion targets to include more Female and Black/Latino individuals.

like

Additional Posts

Anyone here in testing practice? I have interview coming and would like to run something by.

likehelpful

Interviewing for a manager role at Deloitte consulting human capital team. What’s the typical salary at this level?

like
like

Is it rude to ask for someone’s salary? I’m trying to do market research but I’m not sure how to go about it

like

Good morning, Salesforce! I know this is a pretty general ask but could anyone who works in Finance at Salesforce shed some light on work life balance in the org? How often do you find yourself working on the weekends? Do you actually get to use your vacation?

like

The new Neiman Marcus commercial with designer clothing. Seriously?

like

Tax associate here who is masochistic and thoroughly enjoys writing long-form opinions, writing memos, doing legal analysis and research, but hates deal work and churning out documents. Where is the best place for me? I assume DC boutique or national Big 4 would make sense. What about sophisticated T&E, in-house, other ideas, etc.?

like

What’s the average salary of Senior Associate in highest band in Management consulting? In Finance effectiveness team

like

Besides S2S, are there any other veteran or military networks associations / programs that I should connect with for MBA prep / networking? Thanks fam

like

KPMG can I chat with someone about a senior associate position (supply chain position) in “customer and operations in the consulting practice” I feel pretty qualified and would like to get to know more about types of projects, WLB, benefits , potential comp etc. TIA!

like

Billable hours- anyone know of or work at a big law firm where 1800 hours is acceptable?

likehelpful

Wish the Delta would let you switch flights within the app like United does, instead of calling them. ✈️

like

Interviewed with big 4 month back but are still in process of interviewing others. Another recruiter who doesn’t know I am already being considered wants to chat for a better role. How to handle?

like

How many of you feel like your employers take advantage of controling your lives through the visa sponsorship? Example: You work harder and twice as much as the average white male but get paid less.

like

What are the best things about working at Bain? Especially interesting in if their mba sponsorship is good

like

I’m genuinely curious as to what life is like as a consultant. Is it as glorious as youtubers make it out to be? Do you guys get to travel everywhere and claim meals as business expense?

funny

Is it stupid to leave for another company before expected promo and bonus in November? Would be significant increase in salary but not sure if new title would be better to get first before leaving

like

Bombed an interview case. Felt like an idiot... now what

like

Bf is an analyst at a hedgefund in NYC with 4 years experience, he’s looking for an exit opp to another fund. Can provide more details offline, if anyone has any leads shoot me a message, thanks :)

Lawyers who have left big 4, where did you go? What group were you in? Why’d you make the move? Any regrets?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal