{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 19, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Need a few good questions for a micro-aggressions webinar I’m hosting.. any one of you done this before or have any ideas? Planning to touch upon various types of micro-aggressions such as race, religion, gender, religion, age, title etc.

like

Let's talk about diversity and recruiting. I'll go first. I've had unconscious bias training and it helped me a lot. It taught me how to look a little harder at portfolios of candidates who may- con't

like

Hey teachers! Have any of you ever used the program Transmath? It is a math program for secondary students. I am a high school inclusion special education teacher, and this year I am teaching a math class for some of my students using this program. I would love to hear if any of you have used it before and what it looks like in your classroom! Thank you!

like

It’s 2020, are men still expected to pay on the first date or is it acceptable to split 50-50? Not trying to start a whole debate on modern gender dynamics, I just need practical advice.

likefunnysmart

What are the best/most respected DEI certifications or programs? I would like to choose one that really walks the walk, and highlights all of the various areas of a diversity wheel to ensure it is well rounded.

like

(First ever post) I originally I joined this app to learn from others in consulting on a variety of topics (gender perspectives, comp, tips/ recommendations). Ever since downloading, I see more hatred and people making judgements on others with little context. Consultants are supposed to problem solvers but instead of people sharing perspectives I feel I’m back on Twitter reading threads that only create hate. Anyone else feel that way?

like

Newbie question. I currently have VTSAX as my only investment. Is VOO essentially the same thing? Does it make sense to put money into both? Just looking to diversity a little beyond just VTSAX

like

How long does it take you to get ready in the AM? Include your gender. I'll start...Female and about 45 minutes.

like

Thinking about moving to a big city with the following preferences. I am thinking about Dallas, philly, or Chicago. What’s your experience living in those cities? Is there any other city I am missing? 1. Growing economy and population 2. Great food scene and things to do as a young professional 3. Relative LCOL can’t afford housing in NY, SoCal, etc. 4. Diversity of culture especially a bigger Chinese presence

like

New York. All talk and no action here when it comes to actual inclusion and not cosmetic efforts.

like

What is a gender neutral phrase that conveys the same meaning as “Needing to man up”?

like

At your firm, how would you say internal initiatives/ ENGs are split by gender? Flipping through some of ours, I’m seeing the majority are women. How can we get men more involved?

like

just bc I saw some uneducated BCG consultant go off on affirmative action today ...affirmative action/diversity hiring doesnt tip the scale in favor of minorities, it balances the scale

Post Photo
likefunnysmart

had a miscarriage (knew the gender and developed a connection) and trying to pull it together for my toddler. will start therapy but feeling so unstable. any tips to survive this? husband knows i’m sad but not as supportive as I want him to be.

like

Curious what everyone’s caseloads look like in their district if you are a resource room teacher. Do you have 504’s and IEP’s on your caseload?

like

Wharton Interview thread: comment your stats, gender, race, industry, and outcome below

like

What are the top suburbs in the DFW area in terms of housing affordability, diversity, and school quality? One caveat is we’d like to own a large lot, 5+ acres.

likefunny

Anyone had experience with EY experienced hire? I got invited to this Spotlight on Diversity networking event as part of their recruiting process. Just wondering what to expect. Thanks!

like

Companies need to not dilute diversity with this whole diversity of thought jibberish - there are real issues re: bias, race, gender and respect in the workplace. Education around how to build better

like

Why is New York cool? I know there's haters too but generally NYC is seen as a cool place to live or travel. Why is that? Lots of cities are big, old, have great food, music and art, what makes NYC special or different?

likefunny

Additional Posts

Thoughts on a firm requiring a verbal 2 year commitment? Is it a red flag?

like

What are the top consulting firms that are known to allow full-time remote work?

like

I have my interview for Darden business school MBA program this Friday. Any tips or anyone gone through the process?

like

ZS vs KPMG vs Roland Berger? US NE office Have an offer to join rb or zs trying to determine if I should. strategy work at KPMG almost non existent in my practice. Not super hyped on healthcare but also don’t mind it. What are your thoughts? It’s basically ZS brand in NA seems to be better than RB, RB has more diverse clients and strong brand in EU

like

Would you accept capping billable hours at 40/week in exchange for being able to work while completely remote?

like

Do you need an MBA to reach partner in consulting?

like

How often do experienced hires from Industry to MBB take place at the post-MBA level?

like

Anyone shoot in Toronto recently? Wondering what the going 12 hr day rates are for for non union OCPs? Session and year buyout for NA broadcast, and WW internet?

like

Anyone able to find any dates with Prometric for CPA exam around California ?

likehelpful

How to figure out what to specialize in? I’ve heard to make the big bucks, moving slides around and knowing excel isn’t enough - you need to have expertise in some kind of subject matter. Anyone know how to develop this expertise? How do I choose an industry/what is the best way to develop expertise?

like

Had my first hook up in almost 2 years over the weekend and now I think I have covid. How’s everyone else doing?

likefunnyuplifting

I am interested in getting the AWS Cloud Practitioner cert (foundational). I’m tech-savvy, but have not been involved in Cloud work. Any idea on how difficult the exam is?

like

Hi all, Views on the below- We must stop glamorizing working for over and above the contractual hours if there isn't a system for fair overtime pay. Things would have been way different if there was a strong employee rights union.

like

YOE 5 TC 90k CPA and CISA Trying to transition to a big4 as a M1. Best starting pay ?

like

3 months pregnant. So far I’ve had two ultrasounds at visits. I’ll be 4 months at next visit and yeah I guess I go every month for a visit. Question, do you get an ultrasound done at every visit? Maybe not required but can I ask for it?..

like

More and more colleagues are claiming that bringing a job offer from the competition is the fastest way to get a promotion from mgr to sr mgr and/to MD, do you agree?

like

Hi, I graduated from St. John’s university in May 2021. I am currently enrolled in St.John’s MBA program studying strategic management. I am looking for a consulting role, and would really appreciate a referral.

like

Interviewing with a FAANG for an ACD/Creative Lead position and trying to wrap my head around salary negotiations. What are people making at similar tech companies with 6-8 years of experience (base salary and total comp)?

like

I work a w2 salaried position and also 1099 contracts. I have an LLC. Anyone know how to use a SEP IRA? I max my personal Roth IRA every year and also have a 401k through my full time roll that I max out every year also

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal