{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Curious what everyone’s caseloads look like in their district if you are a resource room teacher. Do you have 504’s and IEP’s on your caseload?

like

Hey! I’m a self-contained teacher for grades K-2. This is my first year at the school I’m currently in, and apparently in the yearbook every year they have a class page solely for the handful of students in my classroom. They do this instead of putting my students in the yearbook page of the class they participate in for inclusion services. I feel like this is extremely wrong and violates some privacy laws. Do y’all have suggestions on how to bring this up with admin and the yearbook director?

likesmart

Sick of corporate crap, considering going from a big company to contractor designer. Diversity experience, portfolio and less excel and meetings a day. Does anyone have anything to share on that?

like

Have you participated in LeanIn Circles at your firm? Thoughts? Also, let's please keep the gender issue hating comments civil if they come at all

Need a few good questions for a micro-aggressions webinar I’m hosting.. any one of you done this before or have any ideas? Planning to touch upon various types of micro-aggressions such as race, religion, gender, religion, age, title etc.

like

At your firm, how would you say internal initiatives/ ENGs are split by gender? Flipping through some of ours, I’m seeing the majority are women. How can we get men more involved?

like

How do you deal with non-accepting family members? I don’t make it a thing, but I’ve been advised to take off my tie and change into more feminine clothing around them. I am okay with not discussing my personal life, but I don’t feel comfortable changing my dress. So I just don’t keep in contact with those relatives. A therapist told me that I am not secure in my gender identity if I am not willing to take off a tie and show compassion to a family member who would be upset by it? Am I selfish?

like

Parents are deciding between moving to WVirginia vs Virginia for retirement to be closer to us based in fairfax, va(ideally be at 1 hour driving distance). They currently in the mid west but WVirginia appeals to them because of low taxes, low cost of living. We are also poc so appreciate some diversity. What are some areas you would recommend both in Va and WV? What else should they consider prior to house hunting? Dad likes to garden/farm as well so looking for homes with large backyards. Tia!

like

My agency leadership is a Boys’ Club (...nothing new). Female leaders are not appreciated nor given any opportunity for advancement. Any agencies out there with a “no gender bias” leadership? 🤞🏻

like

Of course Bezos tapped another cis-gender White male as his successor...why would we expect otherwise?

likefunny

I absolutely hate that HR essentially forces me to attend diversity workshops on how to be a successful Hispanic. Efforts should be focused not on race but economic background... am I the only one?

like

Let’s hear some stories of adversity and overcoming challenges. Socioeconomic, race, gender, disability etc. Work or personal. I think we all need some inspiration that we can overcome, no matter what.

like

I just landed my dream job at a big tech company but I think I might have benefited from affirmative action. The recruiter mentioned how I would add diversity to the leadership team of the product...

likefunny

Does anyone have a diversity focused recruiter that they like? I’m tired of the lip service that my current employer pays to diversity and inclusion but don’t want to jump right over to somewhere worse. Thoughts?

like

had a miscarriage (knew the gender and developed a connection) and trying to pull it together for my toddler. will start therapy but feeling so unstable. any tips to survive this? husband knows i’m sad but not as supportive as I want him to be.

like

We spout gender equality, but often ask women to do things men don't get asked to do. From organizing lunches/events at work (pre-Rona), to babysitting our siblings because we are girls with motherly insticts. It is generally expected that women do certain things that are "for the good of the community" which is just unpaid work for no praise. Let's change this. Let's start the change at home and it will translate elsewhere If you won't ask your son to do it, don't ask your daughter to do it.

likefunnyhelpful

"Ah, a question about gender equality. I'll refer that to the only woman at this table, an aggressively smiley thin blond white lady of no discernable age, to tell you how great we're doing"

likefunny

:) diversity is good, as long as everyone is Wealthy!

Post Photo
likeupliftingsmartfunny

Does your gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, or other defining (lack of a better word) class impact your experience in practice? (Curious about good and bad experiences we can all learn from)

like

Dog owners— does gender matter? I’m adopting a puppy and noticed people prefer female. I really don’t have preference but i’m curious the reason. Male dog owners- what are the cons or something i should be aware of when adopting a male puppy?

like

Additional Posts

What can I do to get the AWS cloud practitioner cert in the next 4 hours ?

likefunny

Was originally planning an October 2020 wedding (nothing booked yet luckily) but now with COVID am thinking of delaying until 2021. Thoughts on when weddings of 50+ guests should start back up in USA?

like

Can anyone share Salesforce salary numbers in Houston. Solution Engineer or Customer Success?

like

Thougts on this - I’m an associate in big law real estate transactions team. 8 months in.already feeling swamped and can’t see this going on for the next years as it likely just gets worse. Been interviewing for a smaller firm litigation dep. hours are perfect and pay is manageable. Am I making the right choice or should I stick it out more? No debt issue, as school is paid for, so it’s just a personal preference. Will I regret it?

like

Is anyone aware of case law or a statute in Florida that prevents an employer from discriminating against an employee for having a medical marijuana card?

like

From 15th November will TCS employee need to report to "ODC Location"? If their "base location" and "ODC Location" is different; will they get deputation benefits i.e. "air ticket, tata quarter, deputation allowance"? Or will they forcefully transfer and change the base location without employee's consent?

like

Any dangers of quitting on H1B approval email/online status and not the physical notice? Manager pushing to put my 2 weeks in but lawyers are saying that sometimes online approval maybe incorrect

helpful

Accepting a contract job offer and still interviewing for other full time jobs until I get one. Target is full time job. So in the meantime if I receive a full time offer, can I apply for the second TN visa at the border within a month without notifying each of the companies? I will leave the contract role if TN visa for full time gets approved.

like

Hello, I have been through two rounds of interviews at Deloitte UK and it seems like I will get an offer. I wanted to know what's the general salary range for a SC role at Deloitte UK. Joining as an Enterprise Architect with 13 years of IT experience. 5+ yrs relevant.

like

Well, guess I will be using my standing desk…

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and exhaustion is hitting me really hard, even worse than in my first tri. I'm sleeping 6-8 hours a night (I'm waking up without an alarm and unable to go back to sleep) but then need a 2 hour nap in the morning (?!?!) to get through the day. Even then, I'm still exhausted and having a hard time focusing when I wake up. Any tips? I've been using melatonin at night, which helps but isn't fixing the whole thing. Ideas appreciated!

like

Would appreciate some perspective: my SO, who I live with, is closely following coronavirus and it’s to a point where he’s asked that we wash our hand every time we get home, ctd:

likefunny

Interviewed for a role. 4 interviews total. 2/4 interviews went extremely well (Including 1 with hiring manager) . 1/4 I’d consider went fine. 1/4 not great (with the hiring managers manager), lacked confidence in my responses and certain questions I just didn’t have any experience. Pretty much tried to BS an answer. How likely is it that I get the offer if I performed better than other candidates but unimpressed my future bosses boss?

like

I am gifting 5 over responsible HR professionals who are tired of chasing permission, perfection and praise and are ready to career confidently, embrace their brilliance and integrate their soul’s goals with their life’s work a customized clarity session to identify what’s holding them back from moving forward with ease. Comment below if ready to get unstuck

like

Does pwc ac/sdc management consulting also has an up/out culture and what are the general hours at pwc ac for management consulting finance?

like

What should be the salary of a tester with 6.5yrs experience?

Any advice on interviewing with Strategy&? Haven’t interviewed in 5 years and am incredibly interested in a position. Have first round coming up next week. Thanks in advance!!

like

Expecting our first baby in a month and as a male I have no idea what to expect; insurance does not include any videos / content to help prepare. Any leads to free content / paid content to help me prepare?

likesmart

Too early to leave MBB after <1 year for a start up if you think it’s a good opportunity? Anyone with experience doing this? How easy is it to return?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal