My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

How is H.S. sped different than middle? I’m considering moving to H.S. One does resource and the other school doesn’t. What’s your typical day like as an inclusion teacher?

like

I have a boss from hell. She’s the GM of my hotel and she is a mean girl that never grew out of highschool. She loves gossip. She will trash talk her employees with other employees and once her toxic garbage starts to leak amongst us peons she will send a group text telling us all to stop spreading rumors and to stop being bullies like she isn’t the mean kid with a magnifying glass torturing ants for no reason. I want to stand up but I’ve seen her retaliate on people who have tried to. Help.

like

Anyone have insight on Reed Smith’s SF office? (Compensation, billable hour requirement, work life balance, diversity). I am considering a mid-level associate role.

like

Hi! First time working with a larger company - suggestions on handling pronouns at work?

I’ve worked with smaller agencies where it was easier to bring up. Now I’m on a larger team, talking to/referencing people I’ve never met. I’m less concerned about my own pronouns and more concerned about how to make sure I’m using the correct pronouns for the people I work with.

I’ve been structuring sentences to avoid gender specific pronouns but would love to hear suggestions. Thanks!

like

How do you speak up in client meeting if you don't know anything and are just busy taking notes?

like

I freaking hate when colleagues use the term “ Pull Up”. For example, “ I wanted to pull up with you in XYZ client”. What TF happened to “meet with you” or “touch base”?

likefunny

What do you do with employees who keep finding excuses for being slow on their tasks? We hired someone a couple months ago. She is doing ok with her routine tasks, but when I assign her one off project, she’s slow and would never report her progress unless I ask her. And when I ask (weeks later), half of the time she says “I was planning on doing it this week.” I tried to tell her deadlines, but it’s not working.

like

Are there any diversity clubs/groups in B4/EY? Are they worth it in terms of meeting new people/networking/making friends?

I'm struggling with how to approach my manager about a raise I was promised. Does anyone have advice on navigating this kind of situation? I've never done it before. Thanks

like

Do NOT claim you are "colorblind" in the workplace. 1. DE&I knowledge is now a core leadership competency. Colorblind claims will earn you the reputation of being DEI-ignorant at best & racist at worst. 2. Colorblindness within the context of workplace diversity is an obvious lie. You do NOT want to be painted as an intellectually dishonest leader. 3. Colorblind claims signal that you lack the leadership skills & vocabulary to have key conversations. Ask questions here, in this safe space.

Post Photo
likesmart

How do you subtly let a coworker sitting near you that they are overly loud? He conducts all his zoom meetings at his desk and I have to listen to his conversations.

likefunny

How did you begin to implement equity and inclusion into your organization?

like

Is there a corporate way to bring up to senior leaders that an IC is causing issues across multiple teams because they are demanding and also doesn’t collaborate well? The IC gives vague “direction” then says they are too busy to clarify. They also refuse to use our project management/ collaboration tools.

like

Is it normal for a start-up to be super vague and keep setting up meetings to get to know you but gives you bare minimum details about them?

I had a start-up reach out to me and after a few meetings I have barely been able to get any information about them. I don't know name, size, or anything but a vague description about what they offer (don't even know what role they would want me in). Is this normal or am I right to be annoyed?

like

Networking question here. A retired partner at the firm I used to work out reached out to me recently about attending an afternoon during the week (b4 4/30) with one of his long time clients. The partner and I have kept in touch since I joined my new firm and I feel like his invitation is a great networking opportunity since the client (who I have worked with before) is on a number of boards. Torn as how to request off as an S3. Could materialize to nothing but could be good for reconnecting.

like

Is it reasonable to elbow bump (vs shake hands) on interview day?

likefunny

I am looking for a 6th year program in equity or diversity Any information ?

like

what do you talk about in your 1:1s?

I got lucky and now have leadership that seems to care about my career growth, but I'm 1. a little overwhelmed taking over a new role from someone who went on parental leave earlier than expected and 2. not used to thinking outside my day to day job, happy to keep my head down and just produce good work.

most of what I bring up in these meetings are logistical or prioritization concerns but I feel like my manager is expecting a lot more from me.

like

Good maternity clothes for work???

like

How does everyone handle PD about LGBTQ+ inclusion, terms, pronouns, language, etc.? We had a session last week and the presenter became political (digs against a certain party, specifically naming our governor) and stated factually incorrect information regarding transgender women in sports. I chose to bite my tongue for fear of being labeled a bigot, trans/homophobic, etc. What would you do?

More Posts

Who or what is driving the decision to make so many versions of the Skyrizi commercial. Would love some insight. The original song is so catchy.

like

Is their any company which gives a lot of job security. In the crazy times of this immigration policy? It’s so important to find a safe place. Any input partners ?

Physician assistants in Chicago area/surrounding suburbs. What specialty are you in and what is your salary ($/hr)?

like

If anyone is hiring in the DMV area or remote for a Mechanical Engineer, please feel free to DM me!

like

My students come to my class first every morning and are really hard to settle. They continue to carry on whatever they were doing on the bus. It takes about 20 min to get them settled down and doing the warm up and the class is only 45 min. Any tips?

like

Hello,
I recently graduated from Stevens Institute of Technology with Data Science major. I’m looking for Data Analyst / Data Scientist positions. Could anyone provide me referral?
Thanks

like

Advice for overall discomfort in 3rd trimester with twins?

like

Just got a one year contract to work in London UK for 1 year. Where should I live in the city? (30y.o woman)

like

What is the salaries offered for SAP Consultants with 4 YOE?

like

How much are your raises every year on average? As a senior it’s been 6-8%

like

Can saturatory bonus be 75 k per month , is it paid monthly or yearly

like

What are some ways that have worked for your anxiety/depression that you initially thought wouldn't work? Mine is excersizing, not a cure all but seems to help alleviate things.

like

Any JAGs around?

On YE I turned work quickly but the M didn't review after a month because they were busy. Now the P is blaming me because of quality of work even though I leveraged what they approved PY. Thoughts?

likehelpful

Hi , I recently started preparing for " data analyst" course. I have masters degree in computer science and 2 years experience as business analyst. Currently I'm on a career break of almost 7 years and trying to get back into IT as a data analyst now.
I started doing a course on coursera " Google data analytics certificate " . I'm not sure how to get back into job market. Please suggest any courses or road map to entry level data analyst jobs?

like

Any advice for someone switching over to TAS. I’ll be in cyber though

What has been your most successful lead generation technique?

like

Anyone work in Corp Dev at Amazon and willing to chat? I'm looking at roles there. Excited about what I've heard so far!!

like

Where do I start if I want to take therapy?

Additional Posts in Tech

I have an excellent resume but tend to be bad in interviews because I'm an awkward guy. Any tips on being less nervous in interviews?

like

Do I have to learn software in order to continue being an engineer? Every time I do a job search for "Mechanical Engineer" - software, IT systems engineering positions pop up.

like

Has anybody changed locations from SF or NY to a Lower COL city like Chicago during COVID (specifically in tech) and had their salary adjusted down? If so, how much was the decrease?

like

Cont. from Previous Post 3 mos 8 rounds: Thank you for your interest in NR. We appreciate the time you took to apply for the CSM position. We were very fortunate to have a strong group of applicants to consider for this role and have recently filled this position. Unfortunately, because this role is no longer available, we will not be moving forward with your application. We will hold onto your application, and if a position opens that closely matches your skillset, we may contact you.

When it comes to your job search:

1) How often/much do you get feedback from recruiters or whoever you just spoke with? Feels like we're always in the dark. One way feedback street.

2) Who do you like to work with? Headhunters vs internalrecruiters? Is the experience different?

3) Have you had to align your interviews so that the offers would come in close/same day? What's your strategy?

4) What's your process in weighing [multiple] offers? If that ever happens? Where do you keep your notes?

like

Hi, did anyone here experience interviewing with Revolut for technical product owner role?
I got on a Hr call with them and they said they really expect technical product owner to know the nitty gritty of backend like payload or system designs etc, and that I would need to brush up on backend knowledge if i want to pass their technical interview.
The HR said I can do some brush up and let her know once I’m ready for the interview and she will schedule it then, as if i go ahead and fail now, i wo

like

Python is a very popular programming language. But there aren't many python jobs in the market?

like

Facebook has extended its remote work policy through July 2021, but I'm told I'd still have to relocate by the end of the year if I accept an offer. I have an infant so this is risky. Can I request an exception or will they look for someone else then?

like

Calling all remote workers from the UK who are fully embracing or occasionally doing the digital nomad thing, who are you working for and are they hiring? Asking for a friend.

like

Would anyone in the employee experience, L&D, or events space be willing to take a look at my SOs resume?

He is looking looking to transition from non profit engagement to corporate/tech and is not getting much with his current resume

like

Could someone provide me with referral for Accenture?

like

I have an offer from Capgemini and I have my H1-B transfer approved. After I resigned and told my manager about it, asked me if I wanted to stay back. Initially I said no, but agreed to stay if they match. today told me they ready to match the hike with what I'm getting there over 30%. I'm just in a mix. Capgemini has spent money on me filling transfer petition and premium and I'll be feeling guilty to ditch them. At the same time my manager in current company has done everything. Wat shud I do @

like

How long does the interview process take at Proserve?

Does Proserve have the same culture as AWS (PIP)?

like

Anyone interview with Lending Tree ? Want some insight into the interview process.

like

I am about to hand in my notice at a job I am pretty secure in, to go to a job for a relatively new company (with a significant salary increase). Any tips for:

1. Getting over the nerves that are as a result of taking a risk (I am late 30's)
2. The guilt of leaving a role where I have an amazing working relationship with all my colleagues and my boss

Any tips would be appreciated as I am a mess of nerves!!

like

Can someonoe explain to me how an oil pipeline got hacked? Pls be kind, I'm not a tech role :P

like

Is it normal to wait two weeks from a final interview to get an offer regarding a PM role? Kind of nervous to be told by HR the waits a bit longer until other candidates are finished before an offer can be made.
AFAIK the feedback has been positive and the HM has been super nice, but nerves are nerves!

like

What is the most ridiculous/annoying reason a company has given you for not being able to give you a raise? Mine just pulled the “if we give you more, we have to pay everyone else less” card. Like… ok, fine by me!

funnylike

Do you feel like the competition is much higher lately for startups in terms of winning the attention of investors, or have there been more investors entering the market to fund more potential succeses (to make up for it)? Basically is it easier to raise funding or less, given the amount of unicorns we're seeing.

like

Is it a good idea to tell your manager intentions of leaving?

Recently had my review and it didn’t go how I expected. No raise, no promotion. I expressed disappointment but took the criticism I was given to reach my goal in 6 months or a year.

However, there are a number of issues that bother me enough where I want to move on.

The team I am on is small and I know that when I leave, they’ll have a lot on their hands. I only have a couple of interviews scheduled and nothing is solid yet.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal