My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

I am a woman Business Analyst. How can you respond when a solution architect is throwing you under the bus and wants you to do his job deflecting things back at you of things you ask or you identify are needed? (He is an Indian man) example: look into databases and queries to define solution, provide to be workflows, identify back end data points, reverse engineer an excel spreadsheet with formulas, queries and macros so he can create the solution.

like

How do you guys handle female toxic coworker, how long you should wait before you raise concern to your manager

like

Comment your city and gender.

Looking for input on how to handle a direct leader that is hot &cold. 1 yr ago my leader promoted me & has indicated she wants to mentor me to take her role when she retires (director). However, her behavior towards me changes from week to week, sometimes she is very supportive and encouraging then she switches to making critical or harsh indirect comments that are not about the results of my work but imply she would do it differently. How would you handle approaching this with your superior?

like

Hey! I am currently working as a Diversity, Equity & Inclusion consultant but looking to transition into DEI Program Management (or similar) for an organization. I’ve started getting some follow ups for jobs but unsure of a firm salary range. One organization said they were offering 92k which I thought was pretty low. Another organization was transparent and said they were looking at 135k. What’s the going rate? Sidenote, I have 10 years of HR experience, 3 DEI certifications.

like

How do you guys handle someone else taking credit for your work?

A colleague keeps running point on my projects and regular work. I do 80% of the work (strategy + execution). Her involvement is much smaller yet she’s established herself as the main person for this area of marketing.

I have little visibility for my hard work and it’s frustrating nobody sees my contributions as “mine”. They ask her questions she then ask me. Bc we’re remote nobody sees what’s happening and I’m demotivated.

like

Hi, I am a single-parent with a 9 year old daughter. Is anyone else dealing with same gender sleepovers with sexual exploration occurring? Exploring as in my daughter says outright “I am going to kiss you,” to her bestie before bed. Then after 15 minutes of giggling in bed I go to tell them to be quiet and see my daughter’s bestie is showing her buttcheeks to my daughter. To top it off they start trying to tell me they are laughing because they are reading “belly laugh books for kids”. Help.

Hello! It seems this bowl is not very active but I'd like it to be. So here's my story: Born & raised in PR, moved to CA for undergrad & have been here since then. I graduated from law school in 2019, followed by a 2 yr bk clerkship. I did the evening program. I really enjoyed law school, in spite of the microaggressions, the late nights, & crazy competition. Love all things diversity in the law. Anyway, currently looking for a position in NYC/DC area. 🤗

like

Diversity is just a gimmick and mostly on papers, I found females are not respected in corporates and are been opressed. Has anyone faced the same

like

Need a quick point of view all - today on a group call, I asked a new c level male exec if it was fine for me to provide a client with a piece of information we had been discussing on the call (this required his approval). He replied “you’re an adult so tell them what you want”. I was immediately livid and felt it was a totally weird, condescending response. I’m a senior female employee at the company and this guy has already had issues at the company with his tone, thoughts? Am I overreacting?

like
like

I'm an older non-traditional engineer. My current job was an over the phone interview. I was raised with a suit in mind for interviews. What should I wear? Jeans and a polo? Khakis and a button down? I read that anything beyond dockers and a button down is a negative. Thoughts?

My company (biotech start up >50 employees) are looking to collect diversity data about current employees to provide to candidates when they ask about the company as well as to investors. Any thoughts on whether this is industry standard? What roadblocks to be aware of? Advice on how to go about this as meaningfully as possible?

like

Would it be wild if I added my preferred gender pronouns to my signature? (He/his)

like

On a project with higher level teams, and my partner and I can’t seem to crack the brief or keep up. Can anyone else relate? Will it always feel this way?

like

I recently went on disability leave and my boss Auto forwarded my emails to my coworker. I have plenty of emails that I need to access that have to do with my getting appointed with the carriers and policies that I have signed for groups.. How do I approach this ? I am upset that he didn’t even tell me. Didn’t clarify weather it’s a standard thing or not so as to ease my mind, etc. NOTHING! Jerk doesn’t care about my success

Biglaw recruiters trying to pump their diversity numbers:

Post Photo
likefunny

Ladies, need interview suit recommendations for a non-vanity-sizing size 4. Thoughts?

like

I freaking hate when colleagues use the term “ Pull Up”. For example, “ I wanted to pull up with you in XYZ client”. What TF happened to “meet with you” or “touch base”?

likefunny

Hey fellow fishies! There have been some questions lately about men lurking in this bowl. I’ve reached out to Fishbowl and a rep reassured me that only users who identify as women are allowed access to this bowl. If any men have misrepresented their gender in order to gain access, please flag the user and/or reach out to a bowl leader or Fishbowl support asap! Definitely want to make sure this space remains safe and private so we can continue to share freely 🙏

likeuplifting

More Posts

How supportive are your companies when it comes to taking PTO for mental health days?

likesmart

Can anyone recommend a quick Excel course / video / tutorial online to brush up Excel skills? Looking for an intermediate level course (so not super basic but also not too advanced). Thanks!

like

How much is the referral amount in Nagarro if my reference joins Nagarro and after how many months I'm going to receive it?

like

When will the bonus letters come for AC Kolkata and will it come for someone who joined in March this year on a prorata basis?

likefunny

Hey all, I would love some advice - I have been in healthcare for 10 years and recruitment for 4. I am looking to transition into tech recruitment but it has been difficult. Any advice on how I can start developing skills to make me more of a viable candidate?

like
like

What's the admission rate for the top part time mba programs? (booth, haas, Kellogg, etc)

like

Looking for Referrals and Opportunities for QALead positions in India.

YOE: 10 , CCTC : 10 LPA,
SKILLS : Performance testing (2.5yrs) ,API testing (5+yrs)

like

I quit smoking 5 years ago but I feel like I’m gonna need a pack...

Post Photo
likefunny

Spent an entire day in-person for year end GTM all hands. Flew in for an agendaless day of Q&A with a partner who effectively ghosted an entire room of people. 🤦🏻‍♂️

One shining light - we had a Director who stepped up and spoke his mind with candor and authenticity - the real leaders in GTM are DIRs!

I am collecting my own thoughts and formalizing how to give my constructive feedback.

Would love to hear from others from GTM who attended this in-person that could have literally been an email 💌

like

5 YOE In deskside support with Google technical support certification and m365 administration certification from udemy

How much can I get paid for my new job

Current CTC <3 under paid

These are the benefits for a client we’re working with that needs Sales Engineers and Applications Engineers ASAP! These are regionally specific jobs that can sit in SC, CA, NC, GA, anywhere from Houston to Chicago - pretty much just hit me up if you’ve got an engineering degree and some moxy!

Post Photo
like

Cram studying for CFE. Is it recommended to study for one test and take one at a time, or study for all and take the 4 on the same day?

like

Hello, I need advice on salary negotiations at my current employer. Got offered a HR management role @ $62k a year. The average salary in SLC is $73k. Someone less than 1 year of experience earns $69k. I’m also PHR certified and have 5+ years of progressive experience in all functions of HR. Anyone in the outdoor or sporting goods industry with a company size of 250-300 employees? TIA

like

Do you spread your investments in ETF products that track the same index? IE VOO and SPLG.

Was just thinking the other night if you drop it all (or a large part) in VOO and they have some unheard of scandal that somehow slipped by audit your path to FIRE could be hurting.

Am I overthinking here?

like

What can I do with a communication degree and a minor in human Resources

Is there such a thing as work-life balance for salesforce admins in the tech industry?

like

London, UK. Currently work in real estate finance for a retail/commercial bank. 2+ years exp in debt (mezz and senior). Graduated 2018 from UK target in Real Estate (around 1/5 modules were finance). Looking to get out of retail and move to corporate. Think IB might be a push but MBD at GS sort of think more likely. I’m doing CFI modelling course to get my skills up to scratch. Any other suggestions? I think CFA has slim to no value in my situation but open to hear otherwise. Cheers

like

Five days but whose counting? 😵‍💫

Post Photo
likefunnyhelpful

Additional Posts in Tech

Does anyone know of any good part time jobs in tech? I’m qualified so if you know of any please let me know!

like

Need help from Amazon 🐠 Anyone interviewed for Amazon L5 BIE in GSF supply chain team? The JD said basic qualifications include data modeling, ETL, data warehousing and optimization. Any idea or experience how they will test these topics? Asking about related experience? Or show some data and ask how you will deal with that? Or like a case study, given a senario and ask how you think in order to tackle problem? Need advice/idea/experience urgently. Thanks in advance.Amazon @BIE

like

What’s up with this trend of hiring managers rejecting developers who don’t have FAANG experience on their resume? People in consulting companies also work for clients who handle high traffic and complex architectures. Also, not everyone wants to work at FAANG companies due to moral issues that these big tech companies ignore and blatantly misuse personal data and privacy.

like

Hey everyone, I was told I’ll be receiving an offer from my recruiter at Apple for Retail Solution Engineering position based in Sacramento,Ca , what compensation package should I expect? Apple

like

Looking spend 3000 bucks on a watch but many say the watches in that range is just for wannabes of the luxury brands. Do people really judge you when you buy a only 3000dollar watch?

like

Hingehest paying companies for IC Sales in EMEA. Currently working as an Account Executive at AMZN (3YOE & Masters from European Ivy League) , making TC 80k € in DE. I’ve been having offers at other companies btw 90k-120k and also hearing from colleagues that came in externally that their TC is significantly higher than mine. What are some known salaries in sales positions that you’ve heard for similar profiles. Trying to stay in DE/NL/CH

like

What are your policies on cameras in Zoom calls? My weekly meetings feel like I'm just monologuing in front of my team.

like

What types of projects should I work on if I want to transition into a data science role? I have a comp sci background and currently work with large data sets; ensuring quality and accuracy

like

I am looking for a solution that can do data mapping from many data sources to a common model with AI. It would automatically map source to target off existing mappings. Are there any products on the market?

like

Bless you PMs.

Post Photo
likefunny

I studied computer science in school but I didn’t do well due to life coming in the way. I got poor grades but ultimately finished my degree without any internship experience.

After three months of job search, I started for 45K at a construction company as a Jr App Support. After a year I shifted in to QA for 65k and now after a year of QA, I have finally gotten a position as a software engineer for 78K base.

The imposter syndrome is finally gone!

Hang in there, hard work pays off.

likeuplifting

If company is trying to enforce new hires to come in 4-6 times a month, when you've been WFH since pandemic and now have settled in that lifestyle, would you move?

like

Hi, Looking for a UI (specific) design Referral. Preferably for an agency or contract. Non agency roles are also welcome. If you want to take a look at my portfolio I’ll pm you :)

I have 5.5 YOE.

#design #interviews #uipathcompensation

Current Tc: 70k 🥜

like

Looking for new positions in the SaaS world. Would love to know if anyone is hiring. I have 4 years SaaS experience and currently worked in the e-commerce SaaS space for over 2 years

like

Has anybody changed locations from SF or NY to a Lower COL city like Chicago during COVID (specifically in tech) and had their salary adjusted down? If so, how much was the decrease?

like

For ex Apple employees: if you left because of a better paying job than your current salary - did Apple offer to match it? Or did they let you go?

like

So I’ve been with FAANG for 5 years (I’m 30 y/o). I’m pretty comfortable with my situation. Got average grades at a good undergrad university, total comp ~300k. I’m debating Ivy League MBA. I don’t think it’ll benefit me at FAANG, but I’d like to start a company eventually. Worth it?

like

How to get into Apple? Never ever heard back from any application ever made. Not even ding. All applications go to a black hole?

like

I am 5 years experienced and I have two offers from cognizant for 12LPA and capgemini for 11LPA. I am not sure which one I should go for. Please suggest me

like

Anyone interview with Lending Tree ? Want some insight into the interview process.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal