My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Any good books or suggestions to improve communication skills to speak confidently with executive or leadership. Many times I end up blabbering and having unstructured discussion.

like

My boss asked me to take care of some of the details of a project for her—the stuff that isn't really my area of expertise. And now I feel like a shirker because I haven't been able to finish them yet.

like

So I recently started a position with Fox. When it was presented to me in interview, I was told I would be working aligned with Fox Sports & Entertainment, not so much News. Now that I’m here, I’m seeing everything I’ll be doing is with the News team & makes me uncomfortable. No diversity, outdated software & process.
Financially, it’s the best position I been in. But mentally in this environment, it’s depressing & slow. Nothing innovative or engaging. What would you do?

like

Diversity is just a gimmick and mostly on papers, I found females are not respected in corporates and are been opressed. Has anyone faced the same

like

Anyone meet clients at home?

I'm an RIA, and my home office is much nicer than my office. Unfortunately it doesn't have a separate entrance and you have to walk through the living room/kitchen.

like

How many Firm (non-billable hours) a year do you commit, where do most of them go, and what’s your gender?

like

Question for everyone; what are some of the better job boards for underrepresented groups in tech? Non-traditional job boards that promote inclusivity and diversity hiring?

like

Hey 🐠 I have recently realized that my verbal communication is not the greatest. It’s not bad. I just don’t sound like my boss(she is great). Any advice on courses/books/podcasts/prep/anything?

like

Age, gender, tech stack, yoe, ctc, company name

like

This is so AWKWARD. We had our holiday party last night and everyone was drinking (open bar) a group of us went outside to grab cabs together and go home, everything was cool. Tell me why once I got in the cab I got a drunk call from my manager asking if he could get a cab to my place and if I would give him the address 🤦🏻‍♀️. I'm single and not mad that he finds me attractive, more worried that all my other coworkers heard him calling me while they waited with him!!

Any consultant here who has worked at Citadel or knows someone who is working at Citadel? A recruiter from there reached out to me today, and I got the sense that the culture there is more intense compared to consulting. How would you compare Citadel vs MBB on the below points:

a) Culture
b) Diversity (I am an international student and a person of color, and my sense is that Citadel is not as international)
c) Comp trajectory

Thanks!

I freaking hate when colleagues use the term “ Pull Up”. For example, “ I wanted to pull up with you in XYZ client”. What TF happened to “meet with you” or “touch base”?

likefunny

Larsen & Toubro Infotech Deloitte India Lets date if we are in same city.

Comment out your city names and gender.

Larsen & Toubro Infotech Tata Consultancy Infosys Accenture IBM Nagarro ZS Associates Deloitte India KPMG EY Deloitte Twitter Amazon

like

Networking question here. A retired partner at the firm I used to work out reached out to me recently about attending an afternoon during the week (b4 4/30) with one of his long time clients. The partner and I have kept in touch since I joined my new firm and I feel like his invitation is a great networking opportunity since the client (who I have worked with before) is on a number of boards. Torn as how to request off as an S3. Could materialize to nothing but could be good for reconnecting.

like

Adventures of an all female team:

"You totally have sex hair.... I'd look like that every morning if I had a boyfriend like yours"

Client and coworker bonding over period flow colors.

likefunnyuplifting

Hi! Trying to sell a client on casting someone with a disability (that in no way affects or changes the story) in a film. Their concern is it will 'add an unnecessary layer'. Does anyone have links to a good presentation/data set to prove the benefit of normalising the inclusion of disability? Want to convince them with data. TIA!!!

like

It’s funny - I’ve been rejected so many times in my short career. But when it happens, I still feel a small sting. Just got dinged from an interesting role - how do you deal with the aftermath?

⚠️Toxicity Alert ⚠️

My previous manager would track us by hours daily, made a fuss everytime anything stretched and guilt us for that and the unplanned leave too unless it was COVID. Hinted him a lot of time, this is problematic but apparently he considered it "standard practice for agile".

Now 8/10 teammates have switched within < 1 year of project start (6-7 months with him) which tbh had good work in our opinion and even team was fun to work with even though none of us ever met in person.

Do you personally care how other people look like on camera? Obviously not talking big client meetings, but just day to day. I’m starting a new job soon, and thinking how much effort I should put into my face and tops lol At my current agency I got pretty comfortable with hoodies and just concealer to cover my dark circles.

like

Hello everyone, this bowl is just the start. We will make it big. Request you to stay here after joining. Meanwhile, do share this in your network. It would be a great help.

Till the time this bowl is growing, you can post confessions, advice, requests etc.

Use the format:
Age, Gender[M,F or any other]
Then your post.

like

More Posts

For those of you taking metformin to help with weight loss, what dose did you take? I’m taking 500mg of ER twice a day, wondering if adding another dose will help things along?

Any clue how pepsico manages global movement?
Does it consider global role movement or not?

Do you think Fishbowl posts are truly anonymous? It seems likely to me that Fishbowl/GlassDoor is selling companies data with the privacy stripped away so they can see what their employees are posting. Do you think they sell the data but it’s still anonymous?

likefunny

Hello, I'm a fan of Formula 1 news and I've been trying to find some nice YouTube channels to follow on a daily basis, but most of them are pretty slow uploading new content. Any suggestions?

like

Dear fishes,
Looking for referrals for the role of a product owner.

experience - 6 years.

Available to join immediately. Any referrals would be highly appreciated.

Regards

like

My anxiety is so bad in the mornings especially if im sleeping without my boyfriend. Depending on work-related stress, it can get better through the day but not always. I feel like i just want to be

like

When to put in two weeks notice? I've received and signed my offer letter- best practices to wait for background check to clear?

like

Salaries for hospital and/or pharmacy billing in Indianapolis area?

like

What is exactly shadowing a deal? I heard newbies do that for few months.

like

Does anyone know what is the usual Notice period for ENOs at Credit Suisse ?

How can companies justify cutting research and development expenses when they literally have no future without it

like

Calling all NY Agency Creative Directors: What are your salaries?

like
like

So I have completely lost interest in my area of practice mainly because I haven’t been exposed to many matters (our team is really slow) and I am the most junior in the team. So billable work is never constant. I feel like this has impacted my interest and stagnated my growth. I am thinking of moving into a different area of practice that I’m interested in. Has anyone ever done this? I’m actually depressed and I really hate being given work now. I have ADHD. Please advise

like

How realistic is it to ask my company to help me relocate to another country to be closer to family that I need to take care of? This is a country I previously lived in but didn’t have citizenship, and would hope that while living there again I could apply for it. Wondering if anyone here has done it? Would love insight on this!

like

What the heck is cyber security strategy? Is it really cyber? What skills does someone have when they specialize in that? And what exit ops do those guys get?

like

Thoughts on lip color in the office? Lip stick, lip liner etc.

like
like

Looking for tech leads & engineering managers in Java tech stack for reputed product firm. Let me know if anyone is interested.
Prior product development experience is a must.

like

Additional Posts in Tech

Hello,
I’m a junior data scientist and in my current job I mostly code using Pyspark (no machine learning) so I would like to work on a side project that could leverage my profile and data science/ML skills. What project would you advice me to work on ? (it can be a kaggle project, or a classic task that you do at your job, or a paper that you read).
I’m overwhelmed by the many suggestions online and would prefer to get a suggestion directly from professionals.
PS : I’m not a beginner.

like

Need help from Amazon 🐠 Anyone interviewed for Amazon L5 BIE in GSF supply chain team? The JD said basic qualifications include data modeling, ETL, data warehousing and optimization. Any idea or experience how they will test these topics? Asking about related experience? Or show some data and ask how you will deal with that? Or like a case study, given a senario and ask how you think in order to tackle problem? Need advice/idea/experience urgently. Thanks in advance.Amazon @BIE

like

Cont. from Previous Post 3 mos 8 rounds: Thank you for your interest in NR. We appreciate the time you took to apply for the CSM position. We were very fortunate to have a strong group of applicants to consider for this role and have recently filled this position. Unfortunately, because this role is no longer available, we will not be moving forward with your application. We will hold onto your application, and if a position opens that closely matches your skillset, we may contact you.

How do people get data analyst jobs at the New York Times any tips are welcomed.

likehelpful

AWS Cloud and Security+ certified,
6+ years of tech experience ranging from hardware networking to Security and compliance.
Looking to get into cloud security, analyst, TAM, consulting... I'm open and hungry for something new.

like

Is it a good idea to tell your manager intentions of leaving?

Recently had my review and it didn’t go how I expected. No raise, no promotion. I expressed disappointment but took the criticism I was given to reach my goal in 6 months or a year.

However, there are a number of issues that bother me enough where I want to move on.

The team I am on is small and I know that when I leave, they’ll have a lot on their hands. I only have a couple of interviews scheduled and nothing is solid yet.

like

How much do team leads make in your organization? I am renegotiating my salary soon. Thanks in advanced

like

Did any of y'all know about this? (found it in the Privacy section under Account. It's already toggled off on mobile, but webapp was still on)

Post Photo
likehelpfulsmart

GCP cloud engineer associate offer was rescinded by kpmg last minute due to “business needs”. If anyone can refer me to any associate cloud engineering roles preferably GCP please ping me!

like

At Visa Inc, is it standard to have a sign on bonus with package?

like

Can someonoe explain to me how an oil pipeline got hacked? Pls be kind, I'm not a tech role :P

like

How is it working at Nutanix as a Technical Account Manager?

like
like

Facebook has extended its remote work policy through July 2021, but I'm told I'd still have to relocate by the end of the year if I accept an offer. I have an infant so this is risky. Can I request an exception or will they look for someone else then?

like

Do I have to learn software in order to continue being an engineer? Every time I do a job search for "Mechanical Engineer" - software, IT systems engineering positions pop up.

like

I recently graduated college last year and am trying to pursue certifications to help build up my resume. I currently hold an AWS SAA certification and Azure AZ -900. I am looking to try and obtain the CISSP next. Is there something else I should start with before diving into CISSP or should I direct my studying and focus in that direction?

like

Quick question - are online coding schools worth it? I’m thinking of a career change and I’ve thought about a coding Boot Camp but saw an online full stack developer course by mammoth interactive. Would I be wasting my time and money with something like this if I wanted to go into an industry as a coder? Or should I just go back to school?

like

How do you manage other team’s and teammate’s quarterly goals? I’m currently swamped and doing damage control with a bunch of people suddenly wanting to make their goals (to get their bonuses) at the last minute and wanting to cut any corner with my product that they can. What do you do? I’ll have to clean up the mess after if I don’t play defense and that’s NOT on my quarterly goals.

like

Anyone in PWC London Digital & Cloud COE?

like

For those working remotely, what does your company do to help teams connect, especially around holiday periods? Do you have regional Christmas/Holiday parties or other in-person gatherings during the year? As a remote employee, do you expect perks like in-person company events?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal