My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Thie bowl is created to listen and uplift other, Judgmental and negative comments against any gender will be kicked out from the group..

You age, sex, marriage status, family doesn't matter here...its all about sharing your negative or positive experiences of life and get the positive comments from friends around you...

You can look for friends, partner and whatever you want here... But your post should not be debatable...


MENTAl HEALTH IS VERY IMP FROM FRESHER TO LEADERSHIP PEEPS..

like

I am looking for a 6th year program in equity or diversity Any information ?

like

Crazy ethics issue. Client 1 has VPO against man who later becomes Client 2. This is the 4th VPO this year, previous ones dismissed.

In the meantime, State has filed rape charges against man who becomes Client 2 and A/B charges against Client 1. Client 1 also files for divorce.

Clients reconcile (which is how they both end up clients...) and want VPO dismissed, divorce dismissed, and criminal charges dismissed.

DHS gets involved and want to remove the child from Client 1's custody. (1/2)

like

Attending a company holiday party where they're doing a white elephant gift exchange. I barely know anyone except through emails and IMs given that most of us WFH. Fun but office appropriate gift ideas $30 or under?

like

At work do you ever describe who you’re dating without using gender specific pronouns just to avoid finding out if a co-worker is going to act weird about it? Lol

like

Question for everyone; what are some of the better job boards for underrepresented groups in tech? Non-traditional job boards that promote inclusivity and diversity hiring?

like

Hello HR Colleagues, do not be afraid of implementing equity and inclusion strategies into your organization culture work. Wondering where to begin? How to begin this work? Should your organization hire a consultant? Is this something that a HR Professional can do?

like

Any agency in Chicago hiring for Diversity & Inclusion and open to actually addressing the challenges and make change? Bonus points for an agency that allocates a proper budget.

Took my first vacation (1 week) in over a year to visit family. Was bombarded by emails from one partner asking me to complete non-time sensitive motions, which he hasn’t even bothered to review. This is my third firm in three years (first I left as I was severely underpaid, second I left for a 100k increase in salary), but this lack of respect for my boundaries has made me want to move again once I’ve completed 18 mos. Bad? They don’t do this to the other associates (all male).

like

It's funny how our entertainment industry never misses the chance to report each year how diversity in Hollywood is still wanting and then do absolutely nothing about it. Yes queen, give us nothing, lol.

like

did y'all listen to SCOTUS oral arguments today about ending affirmative action?

it was super triggering listening to white conservatives and Clarence say that diversity does not matter.

like

Starting therapy tomorrow. A little bit nervous tbh. I have not been performing well at work and I am trying to get back to being a solid performer before I get end up getting fired. I was wondering, how do you communicate this sort of thing with your team? My therapist wants to do a 9am call and i’m worried something may pop up during my session. I also don’t want to work and do personal stuff at the same time. I feel like such a mess rn 😔

like

Any consultant here who has worked at Citadel or knows someone who is working at Citadel? A recruiter from there reached out to me today, and I got the sense that the culture there is more intense compared to consulting. How would you compare Citadel vs MBB on the below points:

a) Culture
b) Diversity (I am an international student and a person of color, and my sense is that Citadel is not as international)
c) Comp trajectory

Thanks!

What kind of shoes do you wear for long COVID shifts? My crocs are starting to get uncomfortable now. I guess no footwear is meant to be worn for 16+ hours straight.

like

Hi, we just launched Diversity and inclusion committee at our work place and one of our many initiatives is to share some reminders /notifications about safety and inclusion in common employee platforms/portals e.g There’s no place or time when discrimination is acceptable. Please feel free to report to HR if you com across any discriminatory behavior. Anyone has any more similar ideas what other topics we can add?

like

Genpact Hiring for below positions . Required female candidates only for diversity hiring . Interview will be scheduled on Saturday 9/18 . DM me if anyone interested .
Consultant - 4+ YOE
Lead consultant - 6+ YOE
principal consultant -8+ YOE

Post Photo
like

Can I wear Tudor GMT to client or do I need to bring my Seiko?

Post Photo
likefunny

Hey fellow fishies! There have been some questions lately about men lurking in this bowl. I’ve reached out to Fishbowl and a rep reassured me that only users who identify as women are allowed access to this bowl. If any men have misrepresented their gender in order to gain access, please flag the user and/or reach out to a bowl leader or Fishbowl support asap! Definitely want to make sure this space remains safe and private so we can continue to share freely 🙏

likeuplifting

Your colleague keeps busting your chops because he/she has a terrible sense of humor and doesn’t understand the inside joke. I got frustrated and tried to correct, but oh no no… I should’ve raise my voice even a little or I’m crossing the line.

likehelpful

More Posts

Been thinking about striking it out on my own. Have some top notch litigation and transaction experience in the construction and energy space. I’ve represented small shops up through global players. Thoughts? Recommendations? Advice?

like

I am finally in the last 2 week's of my job at my toxic workplace that I have been at for 2.5 years. I have a new role already lined up, but I'm feeling quite nervous due all of the bad experiences in my current toxic workplace. Does anyone have any helpful strategies to start healing, moving on and regaining confidence?

like

Hi looking for a candidate with 4-5years of exp in Accounts payable

like

Considering leasing a place on the beach for a few months since WFH isn’t ending. Not seeing any good choices on Airbnb. Anyone have other suggestions of places to look?

like

How does your creative department structured?
How many people, CDs, ACds, seniors, mid, juniors?
How do you integrate the design team?

like

Now that’s a lot of damage!

Post Photo
like

How do you establish a culture of academic rigor?

like

Planning to get H1 stamping done in Canada. But have to apply for Canadian visa first. Should I indicate my purpose of travel as tourism or specify that it’s for visa stamping? Cond..

Hey everyone! Any openings in Canada for an RSM or VP sales? I have 11 years of exp in tech and SaaS sales.

I’m not happy where I am right now.

Suggesting headhunters/ recruiters helps too.

like

Does anyone here work for the custom or express underwriting department at Liberty Mutual? Wondering how you like it and the differences between the two as far as work life balance goes. Appreciate any insight.

like

Hi All,

I am having 9 years of experience in testing (Both Manual and Automation)
My CCTC : 12 Lacs

I hold 2 offers
1. TCS : 18 Lacs including 2.4 lacs variable
2. Appian Corp : 21.1 Lacs including 2 lacs variable

Please help me which company should i go

McKinsey & Company Hi all - any McKinsey & Company, AlixPartners fishes willing to mentor and potentially provide a referral?

like

Attending a company holiday party where they're doing a white elephant gift exchange. I barely know anyone except through emails and IMs given that most of us WFH. Fun but office appropriate gift ideas $30 or under?

like

Why is trump lashing out on facui?

like

Started dating someone recently and just got staffed on a travel project through end of year. We both want to make it work. Any advice about being a relationship while traveling all the time?

like

How does one go about working with a legal recruiter? I’m connected to a few on LinkedIn but don’t want to reach out to a recruiter that my current firm has a relationship with....

likesmart
like

Is there any difference in salary between Deloitte and KPMG? Just curious. Thinking to move to KPMG

likesmart

Does Accenture match external offers ?

like

Truthfully, how much do you milk your hours in your time sheet for FDD

like

Additional Posts in Tech

like

GCP cloud engineer associate offer was rescinded by kpmg last minute due to “business needs”. If anyone can refer me to any associate cloud engineering roles preferably GCP please ping me!

like

Quick question - are online coding schools worth it? I’m thinking of a career change and I’ve thought about a coding Boot Camp but saw an online full stack developer course by mammoth interactive. Would I be wasting my time and money with something like this if I wanted to go into an industry as a coder? Or should I just go back to school?

like

Hello,
I’m a junior data scientist and in my current job I mostly code using Pyspark (no machine learning) so I would like to work on a side project that could leverage my profile and data science/ML skills. What project would you advice me to work on ? (it can be a kaggle project, or a classic task that you do at your job, or a paper that you read).
I’m overwhelmed by the many suggestions online and would prefer to get a suggestion directly from professionals.
PS : I’m not a beginner.

like

What's the most inspiring story you've heard for the origin of a tech advancement? For instance, Samuel Morse invented the telegraph after he spent 6 days riding to get to his sick wife, just to find out she was dead.

like

Anyone interview with Lending Tree ? Want some insight into the interview process.

like

Could someone provide me with referral for Accenture?

like

can any one let me know a good consultancy which for processing Canada PR

like

If I go into Amazon as a Senior Program Manager, how easy is it to switch to a Senior Product Manager once at the company?Amazon

like

Do you feel like hiring with diversity in mind is sometimes necessary at the cost of merit-based hiring? How might one go about it in a way that's respectful and moving toward greater diversity when you happen to have a pool of candidates for a particular role in which it would be a choice you have to make?

like

Hi all! Looking for a new position. What are the best places to grow as a UX Researcher? Not so much pay scale and promotions. Rather learning and opportunities for research. Thanks in advance!

like

Is anyone open to giving a referral at Deloitte? I have 3 jobs I'm interested in.

like

What’s the new FAANG? I’m confused 😆 😆 😆

MAANG? Meta, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, Google
MATANA? Microsoft, Amazon, Tesla, Apple, Nvidia, Alphabet
MAANA? Meta, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, Alphabet
MAMAA? Meta, Amazon, Microsoft, Apple, Alphabet
MANAMANA? Microsoft, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Meta, Adobe, Nvidia, Alphabet
MANGA? 😆😆😆

funnylikesmarthelpful

I recently graduated college last year and am trying to pursue certifications to help build up my resume. I currently hold an AWS SAA certification and Azure AZ -900. I am looking to try and obtain the CISSP next. Is there something else I should start with before diving into CISSP or should I direct my studying and focus in that direction?

like

This may be an unpopular opinion.

But I think it's kinda shitty that when FAANG people get laid off, everyone feels bad for them and they get so many resources to get rehired, but the same is not true for people that get laid off at smaller lesser known organizations.

Like those FAANG people will be fine, they got generous severance packages. The people who actually need help often get overlooked or are forgotten.

likesmart

I am 5 years experienced and I have two offers from cognizant for 12LPA and capgemini for 11LPA. I am not sure which one I should go for. Please suggest me

like

I need a career mentor for the tech industry!!!

like

Looking for new positions in the SaaS world. Would love to know if anyone is hiring. I have 4 years SaaS experience and currently worked in the e-commerce SaaS space for over 2 years

like

Hey everyone, I was told I’ll be receiving an offer from my recruiter at Apple for Retail Solution Engineering position based in Sacramento,Ca , what compensation package should I expect? Apple

like

I am looking for a solution that can do data mapping from many data sources to a common model with AI. It would automatically map source to target off existing mappings. Are there any products on the market?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal