My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Question for folks in here who work at a company with unlimited PTO/vacation - how do you manage this from being abused by employees?

like

With covid this year, most firm holiday celebrations/dinners etc. have been canceled. Other than actual bonuses, what is everyone doing to show your associates and assistants you appreciate the hard work they put in all year? (Pre-covid, we would’ve taken them all out to a really nice dinner)

like
like

Hi everyone! I’d love to hear your thoughts on EEO surveys during the job application process. Is it more beneficial to self-disclose or refrain from disclosing race, gender, disability, etc?

Which method is more likely to get your application noticed? Any guidance would be helpful on my job hunt. Thank you.

like

I’m planning on requesting my raise before my anniversary (in December). Any advice as to how to approach the conversation with my boss?

I am looking for Job referrals for social impact organizations and international development sector . Looking to Provide research, advisory and consulting expertise

I am an international development professional and consultant passionate about increasing access to quality public health globally. I have extensive experience in research, project management and consulting in the Southern Africa non-profit sector with expertise in SHRH, Gender Policy and Violence Against Women.

We are starting to really address diversify and inclusion and build partnerships with community resources.

What do you feel is important in building out DEI program?

My company is in need of a update online, could use your opinions! We need to better showcase our culture (caring, supportive, fun, intelligent IT industry leaders) as well as diversity. We are predominantly white still but making strides to improve here. What’s the best way to approach? I don’t want to seem disingenuous or that we are singling out our diverse employees (asking for photos). We have a remote and on-site workforce about 350+ EEs. Non white EEs make up about 35% of the company rn.

like

How do you deal with teammates who don't take initiative or move things forward on a project without being told to do so?

We have a deliverable due on Friday with alot of things to get done before then and seems like no one cares? I ask for status updates and all I get is no, haven't done that, will do it now. Sure enough, ask next day and the response is no, haven't done it yet.

These folks are seniors as well. Partner looks to me to provide a status update, and all I can say is in process.

like

Does anyone else wish their school had been more up-to-date on STEM when they were a kid? I went to college with some kids who had been practicing and studying code since middle school. I learned about it from the internet in high school enough that I wanted to go to college for it, but I still feel like I started behind everyone else regardless of gender.

like

Hello! I am an admin professional here with no tech background currently, seeking a position in tech! I am focusing on hr or project/program management for now until I can build up my skill set. Is there anyone who would be willing to offer some suggestions on where to apply/get an interview? I am a woc as well so places that value diversity is important, and I’m really looking to get even just a pinky in the door. Thank you!

like

Do NOT claim you are "colorblind" in the workplace. 1. DE&I knowledge is now a core leadership competency. Colorblind claims will earn you the reputation of being DEI-ignorant at best & racist at worst. 2. Colorblindness within the context of workplace diversity is an obvious lie. You do NOT want to be painted as an intellectually dishonest leader. 3. Colorblind claims signal that you lack the leadership skills & vocabulary to have key conversations. Ask questions here, in this safe space.

Post Photo
likesmart

Could anyone tell me about the technology consulting practice of NTT Data in the UK? How are the work culture, WLB, clientele and nature of the projects, bench policy, ethnic diversity in the UK?
TIA.

like

How do you speak up in client meeting if you don't know anything and are just busy taking notes?

like

I don't want people to think I'm just a "diversity hire" because I'm a minority female. Not sure what to do about this. Any input or advice would be appreciated. Thank you

like

What kind of shoes do you wear for long COVID shifts? My crocs are starting to get uncomfortable now. I guess no footwear is meant to be worn for 16+ hours straight.

like

I'm an older non-traditional engineer. My current job was an over the phone interview. I was raised with a suit in mind for interviews. What should I wear? Jeans and a polo? Khakis and a button down? I read that anything beyond dockers and a button down is a negative. Thoughts?

How do you deal with feeling guilty for leaving your current job in the middle of a project?

like

I am looking for a 6th year program in equity or diversity Any information ?

like

Hi fishes!

I am seeing too many post about awards like rising star, Kudos, etc. People keep telling there managers recommended them for these awards.
My manager doesn't interact much with us. I consider myself as some one who has worked hard for project and other intiatives. Should I ask my manager to consider me and if yes how should I initiate it.
Part of MC team.

Thank you.

like

More Posts

What will be the future opportunities to join delivery excellence group of TCS with the experience of 9 years (pl/sql developer) or is there no future growth?

like

Any up and coming LA based DPs recently worked with?

like

How do you build a marketing resume without any professional experience in the industry?

like

Have an offer for boutique firm for internal audit and BDO for M&a. Pay is approx the same. Which one should I choose to start a career and please mention anything that you have to say (growth opps, pay now and later, wlb, boring and exciting work)

like

I’m trying to get a job as a pharmacist at bcbs. Anyone ever worked there or have experience there? Any tips on how I could make my resume stand out for them?

like

For those who pay attention to cryptocurrencies and are not bitcoin maximalists, which altcoins do you think are doing the best work in terms of useful innovations?

like

Hi All,

One of my friend is having 6 years of experience in .Net with Angular and he got 13.5LPA from FIS Global. He discussed with HR to revise his package and HR asked to share the salary expectation over the email.

Is it okay to send salary expectation on email and if okay then how much package he should ask either 15, 18 or 20? Please Suggest

like

Explain this logic: if you are fresh out of school and finish exams before starting to work- no problem. BUT once you start working you aren’t allowed to request less hours or part time because then you are weak or can’t handle it. Why must we break ourselves for this exam and our work?

like

1 yr treasury bills almost at 4% interest. Maybe not a bad time to buy bills for those looking for a short term investment (assuming you’ve already maxed the Series I bonds)

like

We own a rental property that has appreciated quite a bit and have the opportunity to do a 30-yr cash out refi at 75% LTV that would leave us with about $200,000 at the end of the deal. Rent currently wouldn’t cover the costs and we’d need to deploy the cash and earn about $750/mo to break even. We’d ideally like to use the money to invest in other property and syndicates. Seem like a good idea? Not sure if we are over leveraging ourselves and it’s worth the risk.

like

Anyone take the Blue Line from Ohare to downtown late in the night (1am)? Wondering if it's safe to travel at that time. M here.

like

Anyone who moved from consulting to PE ever think about going back to consulting? Entering my 2nd year on the deal team and not sure I want to do PE long term

like

Anyone who had to do an arrival test with switchhealth lately? How long did you wait for the results?

like

What’s your credit score and debt amount?

Hello guys,

Any information on below would really help!!
I had package discussion with TCS HR this month 4th but I have not heard back yet. Tried to reach out to hr but no response.

Does anyone know how long they take to release offer letter?

If they put on hold or reject..will they notify us..
Please respond!?

Did anyone receive offer from TCS this month??

Located in the Midwest. Masters degree. 5 years of Corporate Recruitment experience coupled with 6 years of management experience (not all within recruitment). 15 years total professional experience. Currently overseeing a team of 10 nationwide Recruiters. Where do you feel that my compensation should fall?

like

Does anyone have the solutions of the power platform certification? :D

like
like

What amount can i ask for 4+ years of experience in devops profile in EPAM Anywhere?

like

I'm recently been laid off by Publicis Sapient. I joined as a fresher. Trained in front end and android mobile app development. Are there any openings for fresher,do help me by sharing a link?
I'm skilled in SQL,data structures, core java.
Looking for new opportunities.

like

Additional Posts in Tech

Hypothetical: If you are new to a job and working part time on a startup and your team was accepted into Y Combinator, would you quit your job so you could go full time for the three months? You have other full time founders so your company would still attend without you, but presumably you would miss out on most of the experience and networking opportunities.

likehelpful

I have an offer from MetLife for full stack Developer which pays $145k in NYC. Should I go for it? How is the growth for developers in MetLife?MetLife

like

Hey Fishbowl peeps!
Does anyone know of a US based company hiring freelancers based out in Canada (Montreal to be specific) please?
Thanks guys!

like

I need a career mentor for the tech industry!!!

like

Hello,
I’m a junior data scientist and in my current job I mostly code using Pyspark (no machine learning) so I would like to work on a side project that could leverage my profile and data science/ML skills. What project would you advice me to work on ? (it can be a kaggle project, or a classic task that you do at your job, or a paper that you read).
I’m overwhelmed by the many suggestions online and would prefer to get a suggestion directly from professionals.
PS : I’m not a beginner.

like

Can someonoe explain to me how an oil pipeline got hacked? Pls be kind, I'm not a tech role :P

like

CGI Can I please request for a referral? I'm applying for an Industrial Placement at CGI and would love to get the opportunity to gain some real world work experience. Thank you!

like

Hi, did anyone here experience interviewing with Revolut for technical product owner role?
I got on a Hr call with them and they said they really expect technical product owner to know the nitty gritty of backend like payload or system designs etc, and that I would need to brush up on backend knowledge if i want to pass their technical interview.
The HR said I can do some brush up and let her know once I’m ready for the interview and she will schedule it then, as if i go ahead and fail now, i wo

like

Where does Senior Manager fall in terms of hierarchy at Booking-com (Amsterdam)? What is the expected total compensation for SM role at Booking (Amsterdam)?

like

What's something about a member of your team you wish you could say to their face?

like

I recently graduated college last year and am trying to pursue certifications to help build up my resume. I currently hold an AWS SAA certification and Azure AZ -900. I am looking to try and obtain the CISSP next. Is there something else I should start with before diving into CISSP or should I direct my studying and focus in that direction?

like

Hi I am being interviewed for Business operations specialist position with 4 member interview panel. I am coming out of my career break. So any insights on cracking the interview would be helpful. Thanks

like

Hi everyone! Curious if anyone here works for Slack and can shed a little light on the culture and perhaps offer a referral for an associate brand manager position I just saw on LinkedIn. With the Salesforce acquisition are SF employees allowed to refer for Slack roles? Currently a senior analyst with 4 YOE looking to break into a branding role! Thanks in advance.

likefunny
like

How do companies now view candidates from Meta?

like

When applying to be a hardware engineer are you still expected to go through multiple rounds of coding challenges?

like

Hi all! Looking for a new position. What are the best places to grow as a UX Researcher? Not so much pay scale and promotions. Rather learning and opportunities for research. Thanks in advance!

like

When it comes to your job search:

1) How often/much do you get feedback from recruiters or whoever you just spoke with? Feels like we're always in the dark. One way feedback street.

2) Who do you like to work with? Headhunters vs internalrecruiters? Is the experience different?

3) Have you had to align your interviews so that the offers would come in close/same day? What's your strategy?

4) What's your process in weighing [multiple] offers? If that ever happens? Where do you keep your notes?

like

Recently started in FAANG and I feel like I'm in way over my head. Should I throw in the towel?

like

AWS Cloud and Security+ certified,
6+ years of tech experience ranging from hardware networking to Security and compliance.
Looking to get into cloud security, analyst, TAM, consulting... I'm open and hungry for something new.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal