My partner hasn’t seen a doctor since he was a child. Says his parents don’t and as a freelancer the healthcare costs (unexpected costs) scare him. Also, he hasn’t seen a dentist since then due to bad experiences with braces. He makes good money (six figures).

He’s nearing 40 and gets frustrated if I ever offer to help him look into options. I worry about a preventable health issue becoming a real problem some day. Anyone go through this, any advice?

Not married. Don’t live together.

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Im in the same boat...married. and its certainly neglectful parenting. Although more recently i learned unresolved tooth issue can contribute to severe heart related issues (which could be more costly in the long run). We're still going back and forth but at least he's beginning to think about going.

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I honestly don’t go to the doctor for yearly check ups (mostly for lack of having a good pcp) but I am about to go on my firms health insurance and it’s one of the first things on my to do list (late 20s). I do go to the dentist regularly though. If it helps at all, my previously doctor (previous for a reason) weirdly said at my age you only really need to go to the doctor once every 10-15 years. 5 years in your 30s-40s.

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Well that makes me feel better bht I also don’t know what routine screens I should be getting so don’t do that either lol

Might be an unpopular opinion but he's a 40 year old man who can take care of himself. Pushing him to get health insurance and see a doctor really isn't your place, especially considering you aren't married or living together. Express your concerns from a caring, loving, place (which you did) and let him make his own choices.

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Regardless, he's still a grown adult capable of making his own decisions. OP isn't his mother.

West 10th Dental was the best experience for me. I had a bad experience years ago and they helped me with my fear.

This is a little weird. Maybe a poor upbringing? He needs a doctor, if only for a yearly checkup.

Also I forgot to mention he currently doesn’t have health insurance from the exchange and gets frustrated when I bring it up. Had it last year for awhile and didn’t renew it.

Yeah it’s frustrating. I think he sees a high premium plus copays plus any fees for testing. And then he gives up. I offer to help him with finding coverage and a doctor but he gets frustrated and it’s too expensive. We otherwise have a great relationship, this is an issue I think more about lately.

My husband doesn’t go either. He has insurance and he keeps waving me off. I’ve similar concerns like you.

My brother in law doesn’t like hospitals. (Childhood trauma). He’s 65, hasn’t been to a doc in 20 years. He’s alive

My grandmother lived to almost 90. She didn’t see a doc for most of her adult life. (Untreated Schizophrenia)

“Checkups” nowadays don’t prevent much. He is taking a risk not getting cancer screens. But if he gets cancer he will feel it eventually. Same with dental. When his cavities start to hurt he may change his mind

It’s too bad he won’t go but not really your business to get him to go. His fear is something that he might get over once he has a health issue.

Does he realize his behavior is abnormal? If not, perhaps there’s a way for your mutual friends to help normalize the concept of routine healthcare for him? I’m not saying ask them all to have individual heart to hearts with him. My partner and I were at a dinner party recently and someone shared a healthcare experience with the group and it was actually really interesting to hear everyone’s different experiences and perspectives on local healthcare. Perhaps if he sees his friends express value and gratitude for routine healthcare he’ll open up more to it.

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