{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My partner treats me like his daughter?? My partner on the project is the same sub-ethnicity and he has a daughter the same age (just graduated college). I feel like he often treats me like his (cont)", "post_id": "5e3585492e819f001c0ee9ae", "reply_count": 102, "vote_count": 17, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
null

My partner treats me like his daughter?? My partner on the project is the same sub-ethnicity and he has a daughter the same age (just graduated college). I feel like he often treats me like his (cont)

likefunny
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Agree with comments. On the surface doesn’t seem like anything is wrong per se. clearly he is trying to look out for you in his own way. You need to decide if that’s comfortable for you or not. My guess is you are pretty new to the firm. But I have several partners who look out for me as well (not as a daughter) but def more than an employee/ employer relationship. I’d consider them Friends. It can bring its own challenges but certainly worth it for me (doesn’t hurt professionally) and also have a friend out of it. If you do feel uncomfortable then you should raise it to your coach/ manager.

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Older Mum here - I have team members that are the same age as my kids. I see them as part of my team, not my kids. As long as he's not creepy, ask him to be your sponsor- young women are over mentored, and under sponsored in our world.

But in MY mind, my kids are younger and more kid-like that our Associates who are literally the same age. I think what freaks me out more is to see people who were Associates years ago who are now on the verge of Partner.

My kids come to me with totally different types of things - BF/GF talks, personal dynamics at their work (not professional), stuff about their friends and free time activities, etc. My teammates bring their whole self to work and aren't afraid to tell me about that stuff too, but just not at the same depth or duration.

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sure thing.

Recent IconRecent

Many of us struggle to find someone of a senior level to take an interest in them and mentor them.

So you might also want to look at the bright side of this and turn it into something useful.

like

She can pivot it to career advice and mentorship, unless it’s creepy. Sounds like it’s platonic/fatherly.

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Use every edge you have to your advantage

likesmart

Agree. Weird flex, Mck3

You just found a sponsor. Use it to your advantage, even move projects if the “paternal” portion bothers you that much - but keep the relationship and use it.

likesmart

Nicely put by PWC3 on the same post.

Post Photo

Old guy here, who has been sort of guilty of doing the same. It is pretty easy for this to occur when you are basically the same age as his own child. Politely, let him know that you appreciate his interest, but he isn't your father. Then let him know you would be honored to have him as a mentor (this will ease the sting of the "not my father" comment).
Also, learn not to tell him things about your private life that he may not agree with for the simple reason it's none of his business.

likesmarthelpful

Say “OK boomer” instead

funnylike

To be honest, I often tell my teammembers to not smoke and not go overboard on drinking ... is that bad? They of course are adults, and jeep doing so at their own discretion, but i just like to let them know that i wouldn’t want them do die on me for stupid reasons...

Never thought of it as controversial - would love to understand better what bugs you about it.

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P1, dont listen. Keep doing. People will take what they need and will leave stuff they dont like

helpful

It's wrong when this happens, is right when partner tries to fast track you to promotion.... 🤷‍♂️

Improve your emotional intelligence and play the partner like a fiddle.

likesmart

!!^

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I don’t understand the concern here. As long as he isn’t being creepy or preventing you from doing what you want (personally or professionally) it’s fine. In fact, this is exactly how you build a strong mentoring relationship. Mentors generally see a bit of themselves in the person they mentor and hence want to genuinely see that person succeed.

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If I could have a partner take an interest in my career trajectory and personal well being in exchange for being lectured not to drink soda on occasion, I would gladly take that tradeoff. But hey, that's just me 🤷‍♂️

likesmartfunny

Find photos of his daughter housing Sprites and post them around his office.

likefunny

There’s a line between being creepy and just looking out for someone. You’ll have to decide where this guy falls on your scale.

like

Here is a curious question. How many cans are you drinking in a day for strangers to be concerned about your soda intake?

likefunny

How exactly does this work to your disadvantage ? If you don’t want to take his advice - just ignore it and move on . What are you expecting to achieve from your conversation with him ?

like

And then we worry about having empty relationships? Or fear of emptiness? Fear of shallow relations? Fear of no empathy in professional setup?

Well what’s bothering you? Is he treating you as daughter or you thinking it’s interference in your choices? Nothing he said is wrong, even you know it..

it’s probably bothering you because you never had someone caring as father figure or mentor in professional life telling you that...or probably you know that he has soft corner for you as daughter and you connecting dots to prove your fear right?

It’s difficult to find someone genuinely caring in professional environment... learn to respect

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Daughter. He’d tell me that drinking is bad when I give the team an update of what I did over the weekend and has even told me not to drink soda for lunch. I’ve noticed he doesn’t tell anyone else things like this. It’s not the end of the world and I understand how he may have protective instincts over me due to age and ethnicity but I don’t know how to have a conversation with him about this.

like

Just read the rest of your post, the soda part is a little far. Maybe responding something like: “I️ appreciate your advice, but I’ll stick with my soda. We’re all old enough to pick our own poison.” It’s sounds like this person genuinely cares about you/your success, which is great on a professional level. They probably don’t even realize they’re giving unsolicited life advice. I️ suggest politely addressing any “helicopter-dad” comments while also showing appreciation for their investment in you

This is so paternalistic! I'd talk to your PM/coach about the situations, but this doesn't sound right to me. He seems to be crossing the professional line

likefunnysmart

Down with the patriarchy!!!!

funny

Jackpot 🎰

likefunny

What is the conversation you wish to have, and what do you want to get from it?

likesmart

Just ignore his advise and maintain the great relationship you have with him. As others said, as long as he’s not being creepy, I don’t see the need to confront him.

like

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