My S.O. is dealing with really crippling anxiety and PTSD and lately it's been wearing on me hard. On top of a pretty hard job I feel like I've also got caretaker stress. Anyone been in similar shoes?

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Yes. Wife has mental health issues from child abuse and suffers from PTSD among other things. It's beyond tough.

She just spent 5 days in the psych ward and I had the police at my house the other night because she said she was going to kill herself.

I wish I could say it get easier, and it does in some ways, but that's mostly because you adapt to mental illness being the new normal in your home. She has a psychiatrist and psychologist and she takes her meds but there is just some stuff you can't fix.

I'd think long and hard about whether or not your partners mental illness is something you can cope with over the long term. I've been around mental illness in my wife and others for a long time and there is no guarantee it will get better. Physical illness can be easier to deal with in a partner in a number of ways.

Obviously I've had a tough week or two. I love my wife. She's a great person when she's mentally healthy, but I honestly wouldn't do it again.

As an aside EMDR is supposed to work fairly well for PTSD. My wife tried it a while back and it didnt work for her (I think it made her worse), but like all things mental health related ymmv.

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There are groups in most/all major cities. You can just search for them on Google. My mom likes Facebook groups quite a bit (adopted children with mental illness). I'd try to figure out something that works with your schedule.

I would also look into couples therapy. It can be helpful to have a (hopefully) mental illness free moderated place to discuss relationship issues.

Anyway feel free to pm me if helpful. I've gone through it all with the wife and adopted brothers and sisters and am happy to be a sounding board. I do not have any answers though 😉

I’m a combat veteran, and had pretty bad PTSD for a number of years. Intertwined in that time were several destructive relationships that I gravely regret. I don’t blame my ex’s for leaving me, and I wouldn’t blame you for leaving your partner. It’s the toughest thing I ever had to endure, and it was probably worse for my partners back then.

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That’s encouraging to hear BCG2. I still feel guilty some days about leaving (even though I know I couldn’t have done anything differently to help him and I was getting dragged down with him). I hope my ex can be that mature and reflective one day.

Sorry for what you’re going through OP! I haven’t personally with an SO, but my brother is in law enforcement and had a traumatic near death experience and suffers from PTSD as a result. Has your SO sought professional help? My brother regularly speaks with someone and has medication to help him sleep

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yes she is in therapy and has been for a while. I think they hit some really hard topics recently. she has been trying to work but sometimes can only stare at her screen. it's terrifying for me. went through a hospitalization earlier this year too.

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Yes. My husband is a veteran with PTSD. he gets night terrors and 3-4 times a night will patrol the house for intruders. And when it’s bad he sits silently and stares at a screen.
It’s very hard. I remember the good times and have encouraged him to get help. We have also made some significant shifts in our life - I have switched jobs and he is now taking a year sabbatical to care for our son whilst he thinks about what he wants professionally.
Is there any way one or both of you can step back a bit? Honestly I found trying to deal with it on top of 80 hr weeks was taking me to breaking point.

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Further thought. I don’t know if BCG do secondments? Maybe they would consider it for you? It’s one way many friends have got a break from consulting / law for six months or so. And it would let you try out industry side relatively risk free.

Either way I imagine you are not the first nor last BCG consultant to have a personal challenge. They are a big firm and will certainly have policies in place to help you. It takes courage to talk to HR but being open and honest about how hard it is will make it much easier for them to lay out options for you.

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OP, have you gone to talk with someone about it yourself? In your position I would of course worry and want my SO to get the care they need, first and foremost. But do take the time and steps you need as well. Not at all the same experience (just the closest comparison I have personally), but my SO dealt with postpartum depression and some severe health issues on top of that. What we learned is that there are a certain % of spouses who experience subsequent anxiety and depression along with them (not as severe or due to physiological factors). The advice, however, may apply, in that it’s just as important for you to seek care and work through its effect on you, and how you can approach everything in a way that best suits your collective needs. Again, I am not intending to equate the two experiences at all, so hope everything ends up ok for you.

I am not seeing anyone right now, but I will definitely consider it.

My ex husband had anxiety and PTSD on top of alcoholism. He also did EDMR and said it helped. I ended up leaving because the alcoholism and emotional abuse got too bad, and he wouldn’t get the help he needed.

For you OP, just remember it’s not on you to fix things or to carry the burden alone. I went to therapy, and actively sought some self care every day (for me that was exercising) because you need to care for your mental health as well. It’s not selfish, it’s self preservation as you try to help someone else. It will be essential for you to do this long term

All the love and positivity to y'all here!

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