My siblings (40s) and I are not on the same page with COVID and holidays ... sis and I live out of state, bro lives in hometown as does my 78-yr old mom. We all skipped Easter, but now with Thanksgiving coming, asked my sister about her holiday plans. "Oh are you coming home?!" Clarified that her Plan A is to be there for both holidays. 1/2

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I don’t have advice on this issue, but the fact that you’re asking these questions, and not immediately saying you’re right, they’re wrong, tells me that there’s a solution because of your ability to be self-aware. Best of luck OP

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You are in the right, OP. I live near my parents and have only been inside the house twice briefly while they are home since March and always with a mask and sanitizer. I stay on the deck or in the yard. Do your parents have a patio, deck, or yard where an outdoor celebration is feasible?

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I’m having the same discussion with friends. We live in NYC and usually host people. But I can’t imagine having 20 people over at Thanksgiving this year and I don’t want to exclude people so I’m wondering if people will want to do a picnic outdoors earlier.

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And this is how the second (or is it third?) wave happens. Everyone thinks it’s fine, then hang out 20 people to a house. I guess you make your own decisions but that can carry huge consequences.

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I would just say that it is too early to tell. The way things are going, I feel like we are going to have a big spike this fall.

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Agreed. I feel like people are still going to have thanksgiving/Christmas this year and it’s going to lead to a HUGE uptick in cases

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I dont think you are complicating it all. Its unfortunate that some people arent taking it seriously. Its def a tough choice to make as i have had to keep siblings feom coming over that i know arent taking the necessary precautions.

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Probably not what you want yo hear, but your stance seems a little extreme. Holidays are happening as normal in my family. About 20 people across small families will all meet up for an indoor gathering. Everyone will be cautious beforehand, and holiday meet up should be fine.

You have to do what’s comfortable for you, but let your siblings and mom do what they want

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My parents are in their 70s and not only would each of my siblings and I have to fly to visit my parents, but we have been practicing varying levels of quarantine. This is a hard call. While I miss everyone so much, I just know I would never forgive myself if I got my parents sick. We are in a global pandemic and may need to change our behaviors accordingly. I think we forget that sometimes.

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2/2 I said no, I'm not doing indoor gatherings with multiple families. However maybe we could share the holidays, like alternate? She had a meltdown (not entirely unexpected).

Finally says "fine you can have Thanksgiving" then ..."how about a thank you?". Um, pardon?

Then I started thinking ...bro is a wildcard and won't necessarily respect my concerns about indoor gatherings. Plus it would be rude for me to try to disclude him & family over what is essentially my choice.

I am ok with going on non- holiday weekends when numbers seem safe for a visit with my mom. Trying to be happy that my mom won't be alone on the holidays if she doesn't want to be, but worried that sibling petty competition & jealousy might put her in a risky situation from the other two. UGH. We are all pretty stron-willed, so I doubt I can say anything to the others to change their approaches. Anyone else dealing with family drama over this? Am I over complicating (AITA here?)

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Hi. Thankfully my bro and I are on the same page but my mom is in a hugely high risk group due to prior health issues. I’ve seen my mother very ill and as much as I want to see her I am terrified. We have been able to visit in outdoor areas for the most part but she lives alone and the isolation is definitely taking a toll. We haven’t exactly figured out holidays, and while I can quarantine leading up to, my bro and his family would not be able to. We are thinking of holidays light, no food, masks on and distanced, with just gift exchanging. It’s hard, it’s really hard, but if anyone got sick after we got together I don’t think we’d ever be able to forgive ourselves.

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My siblings and I (plus my husband) have decided that we are not doing any family gatherings this year and will re-evaluate next year.

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I have visited my parents with my partner and sister who lives down the street from us, from NYC to Boston. We all have taken extreme precautions throughout this whole pandemic, including one of us getting tested, and drive there in our own car (no public transit ever).

I don’t think it’s extreme to want to mitigate any risk by going in two different weekends - I think it’s so smart, not only for your own sake, but for your mom.

Maybe everyone can get tested a few days prior to going? Results come in 2-3 days and as long as you’re traveling there safely, then it should be fine.

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From this discussion I started a poll in coronavirus work/life on what people are doing for thanksgiving if y’all want to vote and discuss!

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Great idea!

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They can come to my house for the holidays since you're a WAP

Grow up.

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What if everyone gets tested after arriving to the city and isolates in a hotel until you get the results?
I agree that this is a bit extreme.

Sure, but there are ways to mitigate that risk and lower the amount of people you come into contact with. Hence the isolating in a hotel and testing before if you want to be extra cautious.
Can't you also infect others while dining outdoors, going to the grocery store, the gym, gas station, anywhere? Realistically people aren't isolating themselves as much as we were in March and even then cases were doubling every few days. So it really depends on your risk tolerance.

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