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Subject Expert
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? 🙂Does the name have a natural nickname? Maybe one child will end up using the nickname and it’ll be less of an issue. I do think it’s a little odd to use same name as a cousin, especially if the family gathers together often, but I’m guessing the parents must have REALLY loved the name to do that. And if someone really loved a name, I could see going with it regardless of who else in the family shared the name.
If there is a good nickname for the name, I’d start calling their kid by the nickname when I see them. Yes, petty. But I would be so mad.
Alternative opinion. You don’t have exclusive rights to your child’s name. They are entitled to name their child whatever they choose, just like you were. However I come from an Irish/Italian Catholic family and there are multiple people with my name in my family and it’s all good, so this is my perspective.
Interesting to know its common in other cultures. My brother and husband happen to have the same name and my sister and this SIL have the same name. Obviously non of that was intended but its been crazy confusing. I feel like I went out of my way to pick a unique name so my son would feel a bit special about it and it just backfired. I’ll get over it eventually I’m sure, just need to vent.
It’s a million other names out there, I’d be so pissed. Can’t she pick some other names???
My feelings exactly.
My husband has 8 aunts, they are all named Maria. Lol.
Sicilian.
Can I ask if there is existing conflict between your SIL and you? I think it’s interesting you specifically call her out, but later note that you know her husband has liked the name for a long time. Generally naming is a joint decision (between the parents of the baby, not necessarily the extended family). Putting yourself in their shoes is it fair they’d have to automatically nix a name because you used it first? They were probably pretty bummed when they heard that news (even if you weren’t aware).
I’m not trying to be a jerk, I understand we all put a lot of effort into names and often think that they’re just as unique as the kids themselves so I understand the instinctive reaction but you can’t own a name. You mentioned that you want your son to feel special about his name, but an alternate scenario is that he’ll actually think it’s really cool he shared a name with his cousin and could be a thing that leads to a special bond. Maybe lean into that?
No existing conflict.
And yes, my husband and I nixed several names I loved because he had cousins with those names and he didn’t want duplicate names. We were trying to be mindful of others in the family. I guess that’s what family does?
Its not about owning a name but it is about acknowledgment. She knows unique names are important to me. She didn’t acknowledge her choice and still hasn’t. It at least warranted a conversation.
Subject Expert
Not petty. It’s rude on her part.
Now I’m really curious what the name is!
Subject Expert
That’s so weird haha, so the grandparents have two grandkids with the same name? Is that common in your culture? So so weird.
Thanks SVP1. It was a joke. I’ll probably just come up with an endearing nickname for him.
Omg is is a family name or something sentimental to both of you? Super strange - I hope you think of a good nickname for your nephew
Not a family name, they just really liked it.
Coach
Shallow of her. Can you tell your sibling how you feel?
Very common in my culture. In fact my son has the same first and last name as his first cousin.
My aunt named one of her sons Kevin the year after my other aunt named her son Kevin. The whole family groaned, but turns out copycat Kevin is the only one of his siblings not currently in an evangelical cult. So maybe better sense ported over with the name?
My aunt did this to my mom and named her son the same name my mom had already named my brother. We just always put “little” in front of my cousin’s name. So we had my brother “Jeremy” and my cousin “Little Jeremy”. That being said my mom is still annoyed with my aunt that she did this.
I have two uncle Carlos’ by the same grandparent lol
My sister and I had girls 2 months apart and named them the same name, different spelling. Her daughter goes by the actual name and mine goes by the common nickname. We had always planned on using the nickname. I checked with her I guess, I can’t really remember. It has never been an issue and they actually really love they have the same name and celebrate it. People ask if it was a family name and we say it wasn’t, but now it is ❤️
Glad there was mutual agreement between you and you were both excited about the names. Its cute the girls like their shared names.
I would take it as a compliment. You brought a name to your family that folks really loved. Long term, natural nicknames, etc. will develop and a shared name may make a special bond between these cousins. Maybe, you just started a “family” name/tradition.
I wouldn’t trip. It’s probably a nice name!
If that's a name they chose along time ago how did you not know about it? Did they not mentioned it to you ever? I would assumed they would have especially after you announced the name. I think I personally would be annoyed too but idk... my nephew has my sons first name. My son is 7 and my nephew is 3. You don't own names. What is the name btw?
No you’re not. What she did is in poor taste. Especially if the babies are close in age
Honestly that’s weird of her to do