My SO and I are talking about getting engaged, and how we have 0 desire to spend upwards of $50k on a wedding (would rather have that money for house, future kids, etc). My mom takes such offense to this because she feels like we’ve been so supported by others (we have!), and that these people would want to share in this time (extended family, framily, etc). If money was no object, I’d agree but my dad and her will not be footing the bill (may gift $10-20k). Continued in comments…

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I know it should be our decision only, but I’m very close with my family and many of the extended members she would want at this life milestone. I just hate that weddings have this aura around them! We’d love to do a small 30ish person wedding and maybe throw a party later on?

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This is what I want to do - something very intimate and later down the line maybe a party. No one seems to agree with me though 🤷🏻‍♀️ also come from an Indian background where weddings tend to be multi-day affairs, but I don't want it to be. I also need to find a guy now that is onboard with this 😂 last few wanted big weddings.. best of luck convincing ppl or finding a way to meet in the middle 🤗

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We eloped and then threw a catered picnic. The picnic was mostly for family and it cost under $5k. It sounds like your mom wants to celebrate and you aren’t opposed - maybe reframe what “wedding” means to you.

likesmart

1. If you don’t have one don’t. I loss 10lbs 1 week before my wedding due to the stress of it all abs making sure my out of town guest (90%) were going to have a good time (I’m 5’3 so that’s a lot). I should’ve gone to the courthouse.

2. Unfortunately the wedding isn’t for you as much as you think it is. Parents get involved and make it for them. And if they contribute 1 dime they’ll ask why you don’t have xyz or why isn’t 3rd cousin on your maternal grandmas side invited. 😓

likesmart

Also love the idea of a brunch wedding - much cheaper!

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The biggest cost of a wedding is food and drinks. Finding a venue can be relatively affordable. Find a public park and get a catering order of a 100 tacos and a couple boxes of pizza and call it a day. 🍕🌮👍A couple cases of beer, wine, and hard liquor and you got a party. Dress up or down as much as u want.

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I totally agree with you OP, and it's a really rough spot to be in!
Is money the biggest issue for you? And including everyone in the extended family, how many people would that be?

We recently had a 75 people wedding in a HCOL city for under 30k. You'll definitely need to get creative and make compromises if money is the biggest concern and you want to keep your costs down. Happy to share more details if you'd like!

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Have a very small ceremony and rent out a private space in a restaurant afterward.

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You could elope and then have a dinner party to celebrate. I just got married three weeks and the total came out to 85K. My parents gave us 16K and my SO gave us 20k. While we were lucky to get that from them it came at a heavy cost in that they invited so many people and had so much say and my mom ruined the say. The 50k we spent I would have rather spent fixing my second bathroom, re-painting my walls etc...

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PM1 you should see some of the Indian weddings, I know people that spend over $150k 🙈

Offer to help plan a family reunion instead of a wedding. Be firm about what you want for YOUR wedding. If you know you don’t want a big one, you need to honor that because it’s such a burden to take on, financially and emotionally. It’s really ridiculous as an expectation.

If they are gifting $10-$20,000 you 100% can have a wonderful wedding without much money. We had a $13k wedding that was a full weekend adventure with 40 of our closest friends and family. I have amazing memories with every single person and the people who came are truly special to me. Total fairytale

It was at Deep Creek Lake! In MD. 4 large lake houses on the same street (we only paid for one). It was so gorgeous. We took boat rides, campfires, hot tubs, some people went fishing and hiking, and that was all the non-wedding stuff! I wore a full ball gown strapless dress - most money went to my dress & the photographer. We got married right by the water, with such beautiful backdrop. Partied all night & everyone just walked back to their houses after.

Elope / civil ceremony and then throw a party for sure! You can still celebrate without spending a ton on an actual wedding!!

Are you a third culture kid with parents that expect too much? If yes, sorry about that!

I am in the same situation. My mom will invite everyone under the sun. Even a cousin that sent me a card for graduation that I had never met. Btw we haven't even started planning. Our thoughts are a destination for a cheaper wedding with less than 50. 25 if possible. This is so no one just shows up.....

She did the same for my brother 2 years ago. He has to call people and univite them because there was no room. It was awkward.

It will be hard and but stick to you. There will be a lot of but hurt people who self invited themselves or will guilt trip you into adding more people. My brother told them pay the $200 for food+space and ill put you on the list for just the reception.

If you want to talk about it more PM me!

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