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I’ll reduce some of your cash flow. You can Venmo me. Problem solved
SC1 clearly not married... "you're a consultant, show her the facts"... Lol, she'll show you the door
SC1 - appreciate your thoughts. Here’s the thing: I’m good at logic. That doesn’t work in this instance. Are you married? Just curious. Mars Venus thing.
Married female here. Her spoiling the kids is probably an attempt to fill some void she believes exists in their lives. As a mom, she's probably trying to compensate with material goods. Does she feel like you are spending enough time/attention on her and the kids?
SC1: there’s a difference between, “Honey, we need to have a chat about how to implement a spoiling transformation initiative,” and littering a few crumbs here and there in conversation over the course of months.
OP’s correct. After ten years, can confirm: there is zero logic in a marriage.
OP, communicating expectations with your spouse early and often is the best way to address this overall. Tactically, however, I’d try and address this in a way that frames the spoiling from her POV. Why does she spoil them? (I’m assuming you mean with stuff rather than affection, correct?) What impact is that having. What goal is she trying to achieve by spoiling them? What’s a better way to meet her objective that doesn’t involve spoiling them?
Start slow at first. Nibble around the idea inception-style in conversations. But by bit, get closer and closer to biting right in to the issue. If you do it right, she’ll stop spoiling them because it was her idea and not yours.
Put in a deck...
You are a consultant. Show her the facts, help her understand your logic by walking her through it. If she does x, your kids respond with y, and behave like z. Also show her an example of the counter argument. Depending on how extreme, take her to therapy. Spoiling children is a sign of childhood issues on your wifes part, trying to make up for lack of something she didnt have as a child and not wanting your kids to feel similar.
Please Define spoiling kids. Giving them lot of support and affection in young age is very important and it is not spoiling. So the definition matters.
Venus here, married with 1 child and totally understand where you are coming from, but we are both very much against this idea of spoiling. Kids need love, affection, freedom to learn and grow as they feel they need to, and ability to express themselves. After taking care of their basic needs (and some small wants), money doesn’t achieve the rest
well it’s a respect thing right? So if you respectfully show your wife your concerns and she respectfully listens and tries to understand, it is a starting point.
KPMG1, not sure how you can deduce who is married and who is not from one responde, seems a bit erratic on your part. Good luck with that.
LOL PWC1 those are LOGICAL questions. Are you kidding me right now
Yeah she just likes buying stuff. When I say “we don’t need stuff,” she shifts her Amazon buying to the kids. “I’m taking care of the kids."
I didn’t say anything of the former though :)
SC1 you are so not married
Ask her how it makes her feel when she buys stuff on amazon. One day stop her from doing it and ask her how she feels then. All of these motivations and rewards and anxieties are buried deep in our mind. You’re not going to solve this by rationalizing your way out of it.
Things we do are mostly not for other people they are for ourselves