{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My SO just told me she’s expecting a $30k engagement ring and says that’s a normal price… Is that actually normal or am I crazy to think that’s absurdly expensive? Context: we’re 26 combined income ~220k", "post_id": "60cbebe2988c340021d190eb", "reply_count": 584, "vote_count": 71, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

My SO just told me she’s expecting a $30k engagement ring and says that’s a normal price… Is that actually normal or am I crazy to think that’s absurdly expensive? Context: we’re 26 combined income ~220k

likefunnyhelpful
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

The number is irrelevant as it depends on your social circles, your financial profile, and your philosophy on spending. What’s more important is if this is typical behavior from your fiancée: telling you she is expecting something, especially in terms of how fancy or expensive something should be. Do you guys live a more extravagant lifestyle? Does your wife buy luxury handbags and designer labels and have expensive jewelry already? Do you guys go to frequently go out to fancy dinners or take extravagant vacations? If this is typical behavior from your future wife, by her justifying something because she feels it’s normalized, then I think you don’t have much choice but to spend the money to keep her happy. Have you guys had a convo about finances yet? About budgeting and expectations over the years? $30k for that combined income seems like you’re stretching it quite a bit (assuming you make 1/2 of that). The scarier question to me is how much does she expect your wedding to cost?

likesmart

If she's asking for a 30k ring I would assume she already lives a fairly extravagant life, and this isn't the first time she's expected luxury things from OP. Nothing wrong with nice things, but the expectation of them is something I couldn't personally deal with.

like

So, I thought a little about this. Can you honestly picture this woman staying with you if you lost your job tomorrow? These days, very few people stay with the same company (or even in the same career field) for the duration of their career. Is she planning to work once you have kids? If not, will she be able to accept that major financial sacrifices will need to take place if you become a one income family, even if only for awhile? I personally would recommend having some serious conversations about finances and lifestyle expectations. Most importantly, will you be comfortable working like a dog and missing out on import milestones in your children's lives (assuming you want them) just to maintain lifestyle expectations/ keep up with the Jones'? Will there ever be "enough" money for this woman to be happy? As a woman myself, I feel that marriage is about love and family, not $$$. My husband and I have been through our share of ups and downs in our careers, and we have had many times where we have really had to tighten the purse strap for the good of our family and our futures. Most importantly, we have each others' backs, which is why our marriage works. Would she have your back if there were a serious financial setback in your future (illness, medical bills, job loss, family needs, etc.)? Will she be happy if you can't buy her everything her friends have? Personally, if you really believe that this woman is the one for you and will have your back through all of life's ups and downs, I would suggest starting with a more modest ring budget (ideally one that you don't have to finance) and upgrading it on a milestone anniversary later.

like

"" lifestyle expectations"" I'm thinking exorbitant

like
Recent IconRecent

A lot of people are going to say it’s absurd and it is very very expensive. Still about half of what my ex was expecting - she ended up with no ring at all

likefunnysmartuplifting

Now this is the type of ending that makes me happy

like

That’s not normal man, my comp is $200 and I spent $7k last year for a real nice ring. To this day, I catch her admiring the ring (even if she doesn’t think I’m looking) and the smile it puts on her face is priceless. If she is putting a n absurdly high minimum on what would make her smile, that’s kinda a red flag. Then if you spend 30k, she’ll always think you did the bare minimum, so realistically you’d be looking closer to 40k. Also, someone who randomly throws out a massive number like that has clearly never researched diamonds. There is no reason in this world to get a D/FL diamond, and that’s pretty much what you’re looking at in that range.

likesmarthelpful

Yeah I think I spend like 8k years ago. This seems crazy to me but I guess it depends on who your comparison is to.

like

Wow. I have no words. I’m definitely not in this social circle and would never want to be. I have a lab created ring and it suits me just fine. My husband had no need for a fancy engagement watch. Think of all the wiser choices you could make with that money. I clearly do not get this mindset. 🤷‍♀️

likesmarthelpful

Amen! Just…wth? If you’d leave your SO over the price tag of the *ring*?! You probably aren’t meant for each other (or, like, maybe *anyone*…at least not yet…

like

Dude, run.

likeupliftingfunnysmart

You know how 1/2 marriages end in divorce? These are the early behaviours of the unsuccessful half.

like

However much she wants you to spend on an engagement ring, she should spend on an engagement watch.

likesmartfunny

SC1 can't tell if you're joking or not. No, the engagement ring is most often combined with a wedding band (which typically complements and is simpler) to the engagement ring. They get fused together.

like

Damn this thread is making me hella self conscious about my 2k my wife has

likefunnysmart

My ring was $5k. Love it and wouldn’t change it for anything. We’ve been married almost 13 years with two kids.

like

My husband spent $26K on my engagement ring and another $3K on my wedding band. He wasn’t making all that much at the time and used most of his savings - it felt good to know he was willing to spend that much for me. I know his peers spent around that ballpark too +/- $5K. Also - men compare more than woman do… it’s almost a flex talking about how much they spent… they talk about this at work/church/just any social gathering. Also women compare too, some of my girlfriends are still not happy about their ring (ranging from $1K - $3K)

funnylike

"Wasn't making all that much at the time, spent most of his savings" but then later on you say "a ring shouldn't be more than 5% of your net worth". Make up your mind!

like

God I should stay single forever

likefunny

WTF you all need to chill out on the taking care of my wife mindset. I make more than my bf, I broke my ring finger last year so if he spends more than 1k on my ring I would find it silly. Maybe you should consider it’s your mindset that’s driving you to find incompatible women

like

Tangential question. I honestly feel guilty letting my man pay for an expensive dinner, I could not in good faith tell him I expect a ring of that cost. This is a normal thing?

likefunny

Anything for the gram and the status these days I guess. Normal in some circles and preposterous in most.

like

You guys are either really rich or really poor

likefunnyhelpful

D2, they’re really rich if they can spend all that money and not notice, or really poor if they spent all that money and have nothing left. 🙃

likefunny

There used to be a rule that an engagement ring should be X months’ salary. I don’t remember what the number was. Also think that formula may have generated from DeBeers…

likesmartfunny

When I was an Associate, the topic of 3 months’ salary came up. So the first question was, “gross or net?” The ultimate solution the guys came up with was to hedge our position and pre-buy a ring for future use at our suppressed salaries to hedge against promotion-adjusted ring inflation.

likefunny

I spent 5k and got a lab created diamond. They look no different then a real diamond and are much cheaper

likefunny

I’m looking to buy a ring in the next 3-6 months. Can anyone elaborate on where they got their lab created diamond from or if there are any stores I should specifically look at? For reference I’m in Houston

She will leave you if you get her anything under 20k…. I expect my significant other to spend 30k on mine and that reasonable among our friend group…

funnylike

Let her leave him lol you’re both are gold diggers

like

In my view, If your SO is “expecting”, the ring to hit a particular price point, you should think hard about this. People like that often also “expect” the wedding to be of a certain size, at a certain destination, with a certain theme, etc. Chances are, she’s planned all this her entire life. The only missing piece was the name of the groom. Later she’ll probably expect a certain house, in a certain part of town, driving certain cars, with the kids attending certain preschools. The only true expectation should be that you both love, respect, support, communicate with each other, and make big decisions together. The rest is materialistic BS, which 50% of the time end up being inventoried by divorce lawyers down the road. FWIW, I’ve been happily married for 32 years.

likehelpful

I remember the guy I was buying the ring from saying “if she doesn’t like it, you can return it”, and I replied “this is the one she’s getting and she’d better like it”. What exactly did she do to “earn” a ring that expensive? Is this a transaction? It it important for her to show off with other people’s money? Does she buy you a 30k watch to compensate? I’m sorry but I just can get my head around this… Red flag. Run.

likesmartfunny

I agree with you D2 about the fact you can talk about it, but I don’t get the disposition of expecting a gift of that size. In my book, marriage is a joint venture based on equality and the fact you believe the both of you are stronger together than apart and I find that very difficult to align with a 30k gift to kick things off.

like

It starts with the ring. Then the Range Rover. Then the annual Fuji vacation. Then the Manhattan condo. But then again If she is making good money and you are making good money then it’s doable.

likefunny

Lol I’m having trouble envisioning a woman who demands a min $30k ring summit mt. Fuji every year 😂

likefunny

I bought my wife a $16K ring from Tiffany several years ago when I was making about $110K and felt even that was a stretch. I pushed myself and saved hard. I can’t imagine spending double on a ring. The 2-3x monthly salary norm for the engagement ring should be based on YOUR income, not your combined income. I mean, unless you’re making $210k and she’s making $10K. Long story short her expectation is unreasonable.

likesmartfunny

Also convenient that the number "expected" to spend on a ring was created by...the diamond industry themselves...ridiculous.

Our engagement ring was a thousand dollars. That was what my husband could afford at that time and not put it on his credit card or spend money he didn’t necessarily have. 8 years later, my husband makes north of a million. I still wear our cheap ring and wouldn’t change it for the world. It shows me I have a sensible man who understands finances and can take care of the family regardless of where our fortunes may (or may not be). Different people value different things. Trust your partner and see if their values align with yours

likeupliftingsmart

I really love that you value your original ring (and original husband) so much. :) I bought my hot but usually sensible wife a 20th anniversary ring. It was what she wanted. I wanted to get he something much more fancy and expensive. Nope. It cost <$2.5k though she knew that I’d spend more and knows we are blessed to have the money to afford much more. She likes the design and would have been upset. Spent the extra instead on feeding some starving children and helping trafficked women. Invested some as well. Win! I spent more on her original set but nowhere near $30K. Today that set (including quite good quality 1ct engagement solitaire) would probably go for 15k depending where sold. Didn’t spend nearly that much at the time either.

like

Huge red flag. If she's right for you and you're right for her and you both know it, she's accept a ring-pop. I spent 4.5k on a ring when I was making 80k salary and even that felt like a stretch at that point in my life, but I did it because I wanted to, not because she had any expectation for what type of ring she'd end up with. If that's the clue you're getting, run and don't look back. It'll only get worse.

likehelpful

I don’t think the norm really matters. If you want to spend more on a ring then spend more, if you want to spend less then spend less. If you think $30k is unreasonable then have a conversation with her about what you think is within your limits. Grow up and talk to your partner instead of posting about your problems online.

likesmart

Spot on D3

Related Posts

Ok y’all - just found out I am pregnant (~8 wks) which explains the nausea and exhaustion. How did y’all make it through meetings? Especially limiting caffeine intake. Dying over here!

like

Eternal q- job w stress and potential for higher pay bumps (aka consulting) or job w average salary and bumps but great WLB???

like

Switching from consulting to PE, what should I expect in terms of salary (and potential future earnings) and WLB? Currently an Associate at MBB, and I have startup/tech background. I was approached by a headhunter about this opportunity and I'm super interested, however, would like to know more to see if it's worth it. Thank you!

like

Planning to move to Deloitte in next couple of months. Can any of you please help me with the parental leave policy? How much is it and can you take it within 6 months or so of joining ?

like

Any agencies giving people time off for the one-year anniversary of WFH? I heard WK is completely closed today.

likefunnyhelpful

Hi UK 🐠: grateful if someone can share the comp range (base + bonus + any other benefits like stock options) at Director level at Capgemini Invent? TIA 🙏

like

What are some gift ideas for a 2nd time mom / 2nd baby?

like

How many weeks vacation for a CD offer is standard? Last place was unlimited.

like

Looking to take a course or attain a certification to advance my skills in compensation. Does anyone have any recommendations? I am generalist in my responsibilities, but work a lot with our comp structures. I feel like I have imposter syndrome, and this would help.

like

C at Deloitte in consideration for promotion to SC. Taken on a lot more project work as I'm handling multiple engagements. What compensation package should I request? STEM MS/MBA, CISSP, 6 yrs exp.

like

Best examples of ramp back programs from parental leave? I get to choose my own adventure and am curious what’s worked well for others. Minimum hours required hasn’t been stipulated. Thanks!

like

Salary range for a non-specialty-group senior at KPMG Boston?

like

Taking some time off. Need some book recommendations. Some light interesting non-fiction. No self help or management books. Just interesting topics that won’t make me think about work.

like

Getting an desi nanny for baby. She wants to be paid in cash. How can I show it in tax? These people.. I tell you. Anyone had similar experience. What did you do?

Amazon peeps... What base compensation adjustment would you expect after performance reviews?

like

Working hard to enjoy the holiday. No wasted time here.

Post Photo
likefunny

Is your PTO payout when you leave taxed at your normal paycheck tax rate or is it higher?

like

Scared to change my LinkedIn to “Open to Opportunities” for fear of my company’s recruiter or parent company recruiter seeing it and then thinking I’m checked out. Should I be? I’m just curious what’s out there...

like

I wish we had an actual holiday party that wasn't at the office. Accenture is so cheap.

like

Do you have many LGBT friends and do you necessarily care if you do or don’t? I have one gay friend who I catch up with occasionally and I think my husband has two. I never really cared either way about it, however I feel like I’m at that point where you primarily make new friends through existing ones, and they are having children and making other “parent” friends. Between that and living in a SFH neighborhood in the suburbs, I’ve changed my viewpoint over the last few months.

like

Additional Posts

How difficult is it to own and build the 3 financial statements for a project? Haven’t done modeling since college and that wasn’t anything intensive.

like

Ok y’all - just found out I am pregnant (~8 wks) which explains the nausea and exhaustion. How did y’all make it through meetings? Especially limiting caffeine intake. Dying over here!

like

Hello Fishes, I have an offer from Infosys in hand. In the Personal data form on Infosys Launchpad portal I am seeing my project as 'Data Engineering for CMT, MFG, CRL' Can anyone please let me know how is this project in terms of technical, financial growth and WLB? Thanks in advance 😊

Post Photo
like

Opportunities available for freshers and experienced CA/CPA/ACCA in EY GDS. Experience requirements : 0 till 20 years relevant. If interested send your CV at - manalrehtal1986@gmail.com Location: Multiple locations across India Like, comment, share and spread the word to those in need! #cafreshers #experienced #cpajobs #accajobs #statutoryaudit #panindia

like

Asking my boss with a straight face to buy us a Llama to come on our zoom call.

like

This week is my last week at my current company, I am joinig Slalom Consulting in few weeks. My current employer wants to hire me as a part time contractor, in case they need me for a project. I’m not sure if it is against my new employment agreement. Does anybody have any idea about this? Who should I check with before I sign that contractor agreement?

like

I’m 1.5 post MBA and working in Monitor Deloitte. Looking to relocate and lateral to MBB Toronto/Montreal office (from US). Any past MD folks who have made the transition?

Recommendations for a ‘low-cost’ gym on the UES? Around E. 75th to 85th street preferably. There is a NYSC on E. 76th but they need my credit card on file and I don’t feel comfortable with that

like

Has anyone taken a technical exam via Codility and specifically for Warby Parker? Looking for advice on how to prepare as this will my first time doing a code challenge

like

I already have CSR, Freedom Unlimited, Freedom Flex. Can I somehow downgrade my CSR to a free one given I already have these two free cards? Don’t want to cancel and downgrading to CSP is not ideal either :(

like

Any agencies offering remote media positions?

like

If you're in expected promotion year, but talk about it a lot with your coach & team, get great reviews at beginning of year, does that cement it barring really bad feedback? Will be 11 months in team

like

Decided to stay home today and work from home since I was unassigned. I was in the clear until my manager called me about an engagement I just rolled off. Two minutes into the conversation my...

like

what's the firm policy for expensing health related purchases? I'm soon going to buy a bench, couple of free weights and a Fitbit. can this be expensed to the firm? if yes, how? Thanks for the help!

like

I recently switched employers. I used to have Kaiser Permanente health insurance & loved my doctors. Have been with them for almost 3 years. My new insurance isn’t so great, but because of employer contribution, it’s affordable to go that route. Has anyone paid for health insurance out of pocket? Thinking of just paying for it to keep KP, but it’s a difference of ~$200. Or just find new doctors?

like

Getting sick of the politics and lack of growth... thinking of going back to industry but don’t know how to sell myself because I don’t feel like I have a speciality. Con’t..

like

This is about to be the first month in my life where I'm unable to pay off my credit card statement balance (about 2.5k leftover) and I'm feeling like such a failure. Any tips on how to mitigate the impact of this and get out of the hole asap?

like

Eternal q- job w stress and potential for higher pay bumps (aka consulting) or job w average salary and bumps but great WLB???

like

Do you females out there face gender based assumptions

like

I asked the waitress at my hotel bar what time her shift was ending so we could hang out, and she shut me down. I think she did so because I was wearing my MAGA hat. How many points should I demand?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal