My son is about to go to college. His dad passed away when he was 8 and had an addiction to alcohol. I am so scared he is going to enter college life and become addicted to things after being curious. We have talked about it many times, but teenagers think they know everything and are invincible. I have told him there is a 50% chance he got the addiction gene and he needs to be careful. When I went to college I partied and tried it all, but I got lucky not getting addicted. Any advice?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

There is both a genetic and environmental component of addiction so I understand where you’re coming from. I got sober before my son was even born and have done my best to give him a stable and loving household with my wife. I’ve never hidden my past - he knows what I’ve been through, the consequences I’ve faced for my addictions, and his family history.

But at some point, we need to let go and let them live their own lives. Everyone has their own journey and I have little to no control over others’ paths. We can just be supportive without being enabling and hope the right choices are made. And if they need help, we can be there for them. I’ve seen several examples of parents and their kids in AA over the years. I actually think it’s beautiful. I mean I hope my kid doesn’t have to get to that point like I did, but he knows AA is there if he needs it.

like

Al- anon meetings near you. I think would help you especially if you experienced your husband alcoholism we cause our family members to become as sick as we are. It definitely will help you to learn how to detach with love.🙏🏾😍

like

That is great advice. Did you mean I should go with my son or by myself?

It’s tough. My kids are in college now and because both were adopted in a closed adoption, I don’t have any idea what their genetic dispositions are. I don’t drink, but my ex has always had a very alcohol-centered lifestyle and had my younger child mixing cocktails before the age of 10. My elder child drinks a bit and my younger child does not drink at all. We have always had very open conversations about alcohol and drugs (my father was also an addict, so I talked about growing up with that) and they have a pretty clear-eyed understanding of the risks and realities (the reality that for most people, social drinking is ok). I still worry, but I have to trust that I’ve raised really sensible kids and we have open communication, so if they do want to talk, they can.

I agree with the advice to find a good support group for yourself. It’s understandable that you would be concerned, given your experience. Living with an addict puts you on guard for everything.

like

You’ve done your part in educating him and laying out the risks, the rest is up to him. The more you try to control him the more the sickness is actually impacting you and not him. And you actually risk creating a resentment that could lead to more drinking (I know I drank a hell of a lot more in high school because my mom was the crusader trying to stop all the parties…).

As others have mentioned, Al-Anon is an amazing option for families, and Adult Children of Alcoholics is amazing for anyone who grew up in an alcoholic household. You can’t force your son to go to either, much like no one can force you to go, but if you want it for yourself it’s always there and it helps those who follow the suggestions.

There’s no way I would have been ready for anything recovery related in college, and I loved all my partying years while at school; I’m just grateful I found 12-step recovery at the time I needed it and when I was willing to accept it for myself, which happened to be at the age of 34.

Prayers headed your way!

like

Related Posts

Has anybody postponed their joining date by a month in TCS with valid reasons? Will you still be assigned to the same project as when you were recruited initially for.

like
like

Hi looking for software Engineer openings. I've an experience of 2.5 years working as a backend developer in Java spring boot, batch, hibernate, and AWS services in a fintech product based company. I've been certified as an associate AWS developer.

like

In general, what are your thoughts around engagement management vs product management? I’ve found countless YouTube videos explaining product management, career opportunities, and crazy comps, but very little when it comes to engagement managers. Would love to hear your take on the better of the two career paths (especially in terms of TC, as well as work/life balance) full disclosure- I’m an engagement manager now and having a hard time defining a career track/development opps

like

Introverts, how do you handle being in the industry?

I am expected to always speak up in meetings, talk to clients, and work in the midst of chaos (WFH has been kind).

I am not seen as relevant during meetings. But this is just me trying to soak it all in and then come up with something.

It's overwhelming. Is this industry not for people like us?

like

anyone recently sent their passport for copr? what was the turnaround time? i’m located in new york and will be sending the passport the the nyc vac if that makes a difference.

like

He asked - you holding offer Why you want to join our xyz company , then I said - i am quick learner , have passion to explore . दोनो ने एक दुसरे को 1 सेकंद के लिये देखा और

दोनो जोर से हसने लगे 🤣🤣

likefunny

Amazon Does anyone have recent experience with Amazon’s Sr tech program manager phone interview and is willing to talk about it? I have a phone interview coming up this week and would love some guidance. Thank you!

like

Any advice on how to convince a conspiracy theorist about why it’s important to take the coronavirus vaccine? No judgement please on either side.

likefunny

trying to go to the Tokyo Olympics. Very scarce points plays for accommodations other than maybe Hilton 2 hours from venues. Any advice?

If you had $100K to invest as someone in mid 20s (single & no kids), how would you allocate your funds?

like

Has anyone heard of Incline Partners, MM exPNC PE based in PA. Recruiter reached out on LinkedIn.

like

Management company raised my lease renewal by $700. What is the best way to negotiate? Should I just counter with a number or should I substantiate my counter offer?

like

What does Google's Background check involve? Also, do they do reference checks. If yes then how many. Thank you.

like

Hello Fishes
I have 2 Years of experience as Test Automation Engineer and have offers from

Thoughtworks-X LPA
Globant-X+3 LPA

Can you please help which company to choose.

like

How likely do you think it is for COVID to have an impact on MBA FT Fall 21 starts? Asking this because I’m looking to apply to LBS/INSEAD and really don’t wanna miss the global traveling side of the programs.

like

Looking for a resort to use points at for a girls getaway. Limitation is no zika places so pretty much continental US or Bahamas. TIA!

like

If you could choose any celebrity to do an escape room with who would it be?

like

Hi
I recently got offer from ZS BTSA Profile through oncampus placements. I like software development, what kind of work is done in BTSA profile and at what extent is it different from SDE.

likefunny

Hi! If anyone in this bowl works for Mars & Co. Can you please share some insight into what kind of case studies to expect in their interview panel round?
I have an interview coming up in the next couple of days and wanted to get some idea regarding the same. Thanks!

Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety

My boyfriend of a year got a DUI this weekend and has had drinking problems in the past. He fully admits he is an alcoholic, and will do therapy/go to AA moving forward. My therapist suggested I be a “computer program running in the background” and essentially leave him to allow him to work on himself. This is obviously a really hard decision, and I feel like I should listen to my therapist, but my heart is pulling me the other way. Anyone else been through something similar or have advice?

like

I'm new to this group so please forgive me if this is not appropriate. I've been trying to cut back on my drinks so have tried this no-groni kit from Seedlip. Pretty good.

Post Photo
like

Has anyone here ever had to have an intervention with a family member? Would you be willing to share the basics with me of how it went and the outcome? Really looking for advice.

like

I joined a new team and have noticed something off with my Director over the last months (slurring speech, no show to calls or even full days of work). I finally asked a colleague about it today because I’m concerned about my Director. She confirmed that she’s noticed the same over the last few years, but no one ever says anything. In confidence she told me she can often smell alcohol. How can I help? I feel helpless. I’ve already lost someone to addiction and I can’t ignore this. Any advice?

like

Anyone up for trading secrets about the lies our addiction tells us? I’ll start: when my addiction gets super loud it feeds me a story that I should leave my wife, quit my job, move to a shitty, bitterly cold town and live in a dump. Every day I go to the same bar. I have no family and my only friends are bar flies. (Cunning, baffling, powerful).

like

My boss just emailed me and asked if I could proof an important document tomorrow morning ahh. I feel like I wont be able to do it without addy. Idk the last time I proofed something sober. (Cont.)

How do you start with a family member who knows they need help but don’t know where to start?

like

I’m sober curious. I’m also about to help a new non-alcoholic spirit company with their launch.
I have a question for people in recovery. If a brand were to contend that sobriety is a spectrum, or allow for that to a least be part of the conversation, how does that make you feel? Are other brands doing a good job of being inclusive of people who are truly sober?
(I get that NA drinks / spirits can be triggering for people in recovery)
Thank you.

like

15 hours no vaping 🙏🏼

like

Possible to be sober as a new consultant? Feel constant pressure from other colleagues to drink and feel like it will be an uphill battle to climb the ranks sober. Can anyone share their story of getting/ being sober early in their career?

likefunny

I relapsed one week ago and feel awful about myself. I’m having trouble finding motivation and strength to get sober again now

If I want to go to an AA meeting do I just show up? What happens my first time? Do I have to quit drinking before I go to one/ be committed to quitting before going? How many people are at these? Is there a time/day of week that is best to go? How often do people in AA have to go to meetings? Does it cost anything once you join? I just can’t shake the feeling that my luck is going to run out. Not a daily drinker, but blackout when I do. Thx.

likesmart

Experienced what my therapist referred to as a mental relapse this week (risky/ impulsive behavior, quick to anger, feelings of fear/ anger lasting longer than normal). This ever happen to anyone? I didn’t drink but was acting like I use to.

like

What are some hot and cold drinks to replace alcohol? I like hard cider with Fireball, cabernet, chardonay, and craft beers but want to treat myself after a hard day with something less destructive.

like

Covid has been hard. March 2029- December 2020 I drank a lot to cope without realizing it. January- March I didn't realize I was depressed. March I came to terms with increase and ongoing suicidal ideation and needed help.

I went into a intensive outpatient program (IOP) which has been super helpful.

During the beginning of covid I drank every day and in a great deal. January it was a "dry" month which was hard the first week but overall great.

March 2021 realized I'm clinically depressed.

like

I have been alcohol free for 2 months but I use MMJ to focus. My dr prescribed MMJ because I don’t want pharma drugs like Adderall. Is there a place for me in AA or is it all (sobriety) or nothing?

like

Hi. So grateful for this bowl! I’m 16 months sober. Fairly new to ACN just curious what types of challenges you’ve faced and how you’ve overcome them?

like

Sober Sunday check in. How’s everyone doing?

like

Happy sober Sunday Funday! What’s going on this week in your sober life? I am not traveling and looking forward to working out more than usual in my home gym. And I am not drinking.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal