My soon-to-be MIL tends to very nihilistic and pessimistic about nearly everything that my fiance and I have to say. For instance, when my fiance told her that she's going back to school to switch careers, she was not supportive, but rather discouraged her from going to school out of fear of my fiance getting overwhelmed. This is just one of many examples and it's really taking a toll on us and our ability to have a relationship with her.

Anyone dealt with something similar?

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Oh yeah. The advice you are going to get is to set boundaries and stick to them. To make affirmative statements like, we really need your emotional support and encouragement to do x y z, etc. Good luck with that. The advice does not consider the bottomless well of pain that the MIL is willing to bring, an emotional game of chicken that she is not afraid to lose. Keep setting boundaries. She will claw away at them. But keep setting them. I don't want to spoil the end for you, but there is a way to achieve detente and get a modicum of space and respect from her. Bonus points if you can get her on meds.

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If you feel like you have a trusted enough relationship with her, it's like any tough conversation - you have to be willing to lay out how you feel and also be open to hearing her point of view / perspective. Then you work through it, like adults.

If you lack the trust with her to have that open conversation it's harder but your primary choices are to build that underlying trust or to design your life so that she plays less of a role in it. In between there are many variations and ways to set boundaries, but there are as many options as there are in-law relationships. Hoping you and your fiance find a workable way forward.

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My mom is like that. I think its out of love and caring, but maybe I'm delusional. Basically my moms first thought is what could go wrong with anything and then she tells me to not do it or be careful because...just take it what it is, get a bit of distance and don't rely on this person to be your (or your SOs) cheerleader.

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Did she or her parents have a bad marriage? such mindset often stems from something people have seen in their family

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Her parents just split a few years ago. I definitely think some of her cynicism comes from that.

Same here brah, anything and everything we can do is wrong. If it ain’t her way, it ain’t the right way

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