{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My SO’s family invited me on a European vacation and I’m going. However, I am terrified of telling my mother.\nMy parents aren’t the most financially stable. My mom has a lot of regret about how her life turned out and often exhibits a lot of toxic jealousy toward people with more money than them. She especially is jealous of how others get to travel.\nI’m worried that telling her will make her feel shitty, uncomfortable, and like she can’t keep up with her potential future in-laws … (1/2)", "post_id": "61e5bd40ada8e800367f96bb", "reply_count": 10, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

My SO’s family invited me on a European vacation and I’m going. However, I am terrified of telling my mother. My parents aren’t the most financially stable. My mom has a lot of regret about how her life turned out and often exhibits a lot of toxic jealousy toward people with more money than them. She especially is jealous of how others get to travel. I’m worried that telling her will make her feel shitty, uncomfortable, and like she can’t keep up with her potential future in-laws … (1/2)

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(2/2) I hate that is the case, but at the same time, I’m not going to deny an amazing opportunity because of her. I know the answer is emotional boundaries - I shouldn’t care so much what she thinks. But I can’t help it. I’m sad that her life hasn’t turned out how she wanted it to and I try to support her when I can - I planned and went on a domestic trip with her that she’s been wanting for awhile last month. But I just always feel guilty when I have opportunities/experiences that she can’t have.

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I’ve thought of this but if they found out later that I went and didn’t tell them, it would be bad. I would prefer to be upfront.

I’m in the same boat. I try to make an extra effort to do things domestically with her, proactively, and I hope to eventually be able to take her on a trip as a gift My mother is also VERY conservative about Covid so it’s just been super hard to try to bring any sparkle that is within her zone. I feel for you big time, OP

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I would hope she would be happy for you. If you get a negative reaction tell her you Woolf hope she’s happy for you and that as your career processes and you’ll have more money you’ll take her on a trip to Europe too. And when you can, fulfill that promise.

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So this actually happened to myself and my SO. He is from another culture, one in which it is more customary to care for the parents. He gives her money every month, but recently we splurged on a vacation to Costa Rica. When we told her, she said that we should have given her money or bought her a better house. 😐 It’s taken a long time for him to realize that his accomplishments are his. Take the trip and don’t feel bad! You deserve it!

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I’m sorry to hear 😞 that’s frustrating and I hope you enjoyed your trip to Costa Rica! Thank you

If you have the money, can you take her with you?

Lol yeah that would not end well. Mainly due to my mother, not the SO’s parents

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