{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My whole marriage my husband has made a significantly higher salary than me. This hasn't ever really been an issue in our relationship except for him saying he felt I was undervalued... But now the tables have turned and I have a offer that would mean I am on par/out earning him. He says he's happy for me but I don't feel like he really is. I think he's upset that he's not seeing the same growth in his career right now. Wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you got through it?", "post_id": "60392af20b4aed002fd5cd7c", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 11, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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My whole marriage my husband has made a significantly higher salary than me. This hasn't ever really been an issue in our relationship except for him saying he felt I was undervalued... But now the tables have turned and I have a offer that would mean I am on par/out earning him. He says he's happy for me but I don't feel like he really is. I think he's upset that he's not seeing the same growth in his career right now. Wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you got through it?

likefunnyhelpful
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As long as he's feeling that way because he's worried about his own growth and not because he rather keep you down below him, I think this is ok. Sometimes we need benchmarks to challenge ourselves and maybe this is the spark under his ass to accelerate his career growth now that you are catching up to him. My husband and i are the same and I've recently caught up to him. It makes him feel like he's stagnated and maybe he needs to make a change in his career since he hasn't made significant increases like I have.

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This happened to me (husband made more, than I, the wife, made more). Broaden the conversation beyond money. Yeah, I make more but my husband is always there first for the kids, and I would call him “winning” in the parent department (not that we frame it that way). And my husband might not make as much, but his work life balance is much better, and I think he’s good with that tradeoff - more time versus more money. The point is, salary can be a result of choices and trade offs and so recognize and appreciate the balance your husbands choices have brought to him and keep that as part of the conversation when measuring salaries.

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Sounds like he knows he should be happy for you and is just going to take a minute for him to accept it. Give him some time and he’ll come around.

This happened with me and my wife (but roles reversed), it’s an adjustment, but a great one in the long run.

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You're husband and wife, not competitors.

likesmart

Why would partners be competitive? If it’s a true partnership any individual wins are joint wins and if the mindset isn’t reflecting that is it truly a partnership?

Time to trade up

funnylikeupliftingsmarthelpful

Why do you feel like you’re the one who has to do the emotional work to solve this problem? I understand that it’s a marital issue and affects both of you, but you can’t afford to care about his feelings more than he does.

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My SO and I go back and forth between highest wage earner. One of us is moving up and making money and the other one has earnings and promotions stagnate. Then the tables flip 2 or 3 years later. Ultimately, more money in the bank is nice and he will soon be happy to help spend it. Give it time...he’ll be fine.

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What makes you think he isn’t actually happy for you)

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Probably has nothing to do with you. Might just be making him think about his own situation and if he’s now feeling undervalued as you were at one time. Seeing someone else achieve success often makes us a little introspective. Doesn’t mean we aren’t also happy for them.

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It could be that you passing him is helping him realize that his own career growth is not as accelerated as it could be. His frustration/unhappiness could be internal, not directed at you.

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Buy him a nice watch to shut him up.

likefunny

Sexist if said the other way, but funny this way?

This kind of happened to me, but I think the important thing to remember is that life changes and situations change. I hope he is happy for you, but even if he feels down that he’s not seeing the same progress, you can remind him that nothing is forever and he will have the same success. Not everything happens for couples at the same time, so you should feel happy and proud and he can still be happy for you while working towards his own goals.

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Ahh same situation as me, except I’m the husband. I think I was happier than she was whenever she got a raise though.

I just bought a new apron with a butterfly ribbon~

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Time for a new husband? Plenty of single guys in the singles bowl.

likefunny

I think she needed to get it out, and we needed K2 to make fun of it! Perspective people!! :)
This isn’t a big deal! It’s a nice problem to have
My advice is keep teasing him about the salary gap until he gets over it 😁

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Is it possible you’re projecting your own projecting thoughts onto him? I’d just talk it through with him tbh

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Experiencing same dynamic.... I am happy for her /our success and I’ve never had an issue with her earning more.
Any frustration I have is with myself/my own career growth which has nothing to do with her, but outwardly it can be misconstrued as not being happy for her. Talking it out helps and she knows it’s not stemming from her success. Congrats on the growth you are experiencing and for what it’s worth, I am happy for you :)

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Don't be petty OP. They are not mutually exclusive. He can be both genuinely happy and proud of you and be sad that his career feels a little stagnant right now. Just be supportive and tell him good things are coming and your family is going through a good luck phase.
Every time my salary has hit his (he's 4 years older) within 6 months he's gotten a better opportunity or a salary bump as well.
Once you are married, you are a team that competes against the world, not each other.

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Oh the tables would def turn for me. I would be so happy for you as I would transition to a stay at home dad 😂😂😂

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My BFF went through this. His wife quickly outpaced him and makes I've double what he does. It took him a little while to adjust but he and she are both very happy now.

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I've made more than my husband since the beginning, mainly because he's in public service. He's always been happy to just take the money.

I think you should explore if this is about him or you. If he assures you that this is him, then let him work through it on his own time. If it really is you, then that's something you all will need to work through.

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