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"post_content": "My wife and I are vaccinated. My sister and her husband are not bc they say there’s no long term results on the vax and they’re family planning. Mow they’re coming into town late summer. I don’t feel comfortable meeting up with them, not sure how to put it into words. Help.",
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No need to harm a family relationship over this. Lots of smart people, including in the medical field, are choosing not to get vaccinated. They’re not bad people, they’re just interpreting the facts differently and/or have a different tolerance for risk. Your relatives likely fall into this camp and you should keep that in mind when communicating about this. That means, don’t imply that they’re dumb, lazy, inconsiderate, etc. I would also not be direct/blunt. Just lay it out acknowledging that you have different viewpoints. No need to make a big deal out of it. Something like this: “Hey [relative], would love to see you but we’re trying to avoid contact with people who aren’t vaccinated.” If they push back and say the risk is low to children or if you meet outside or if they wear masks or if they get a test beforehand then just respond with something like, “yes, we know that the risk is low [this is true], but we’re just trying to be extra cautious.” If they continue to push back after a comment like that then they’re the ones being rude. At some point, though, you are going to have to acknowledge that a large segment of the population isn’t going to get vaccinated, COVID is here to stay, and you’ll likely encounter unvaccinated people fairly often. If you’re unwilling to interact with unvaccinated relatives then you have to consider that that may ultimately mean you’ll never see them again.
I think disagreement with BCG1 from some folks stems from different beliefs on the actual risk of COVID. Pending what sources you get information from and what narratives you believe, it can lead you to a very different opinion on the risk of both getting covid and the actual odds of it being more than a mild cold. I think the "selfish narrative" is overdone and only really works from the starting point of certain assumptions/beliefs that obviously not everyone agrees with.
New Member
If you and your wife are fully vaccinated you should be able to see them without worrying too much. If you're worried about your kids because they're not able to be vaccinated yet and you feel that there's a high risk for them, then I don't think there's any shame in explaining that and setting some boundaries. It's also possible that you and your wife could have lunch or dinner with them somewhere while you arrange for a babysitter to watch your kids. That way, you could still see them and make it clear through your actions that you love them and want to see them. Before me and my wife were able to get vaccinated, we skipped out on the regular family dinners and even opted not to have Thanksgiving with them because they were ignoring CDC guidelines and attending parties with lots of people. They were sad that we weren't with them, but we set very clear boundaries we felt were fair and politely refused to compromise them for our own safety. It's a good thing too because everyone in my family who had been meeting together before Thanksgiving all got Covid-19 and spent their Thanksgiving resting in bed or recovering at a hospital. While there's significantly less risk in this circumstance, you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to keep your family safe if it's a genuine concern.
You've got anti-vax levels of paranoia, friend. Just ask them if they have any symptoms before you meet. Put your kids in masks if you're that concerned but odds are you have very little to worry about.
1/3 people in the UK who test positive have no symptoms so I think you’re right to worry…
Chief
“We’re not comfortable socializing indoors with folks who are not vaccinated. It’s obviously up to you what you do with your own health, but I thought I’d let you know in advance of your trip so that you don’t count on us for anything indoors!”
C1- the trick is holding the line. No visits without 2 week quarantine or proof of vaccine. It also helped that my mom was still nervous about COVID so she was locked in her house alone, and that’s not sustainable. If your MIL just back out in the world no-mask no-vaxx style, it’s gonna be tough.
Just for added context: We have small children (3 under 5, including an 8 month old) while my sister and her husband have been traveling throughout the pandemic.
Enthusiast
So sorry to hear Aon1. Lost four family members to COVID, all deniers. The cognitive dissonance is real.
Chief
Let them know that I knocked my woman up after get the double jab. Tell them not to blame their weak swimmers on a vaccine.
Isn’t the whole point of you being vaccinated so that you don’t have to worry about this? At this point it just seems like an irrational litmus test.
Thank you all for the context and information. I find it really helpful and refreshing how you discussed the issue. Somehow a lot of people can't do that any more. @SC1: so sorry to hear that. Keep you and your family in my prayers and thoughts
You’re vaccinated. Why aren’t you comfortable meeting up? That’s the whole point of the vaccine…the anti-vaxers are more comfortable than you… I don’t support their stance- but not really tracking your logic either.
Yeah, I think the same - benefits out way the risks but wanted everyone to know that this is a risk that’s not well shared.
If your both vaccinated and they are not there is no harm to yall only for them.
Pro
Deloitte 7 - sounds like you're a kind of person who panics and goes to ER for a little cut on a finger. There are many articles saying that the pfizer and moderna vaccines are highly effective at preventing hospitalizations and deaths and also read how many percent of vaccinated people getting hospitalized or dying from COVID recently. doubtful if CNN even has this kind of articles
don't ruin family relationships over it and respect their choice. If you are vaxxed - don't sweat it. Also, many states are about 4/10 vaxxed. You've likely been within feet of non vaxxed folk for months.
The worst is the blanket statement that Covid doesn’t impact kids much or vaccinated so we’re ok. I know friends kids who caught Covid and had no symptoms, but there are others who are still dealing with the effects of Covid after 2 months. OP, as a parent, I totally understand what you’re feeling. Just as much as antivaxers are free to do what they want, you have the freedom to protect your family. I think it’s ok to say that you’re not comfortable at this point to meet in person.
What is the issue if your vaccinated? Overly paranoid or hypochondriac? Maybe you should talk to a therapist (seriously live your life already -people need to trust their vaccine if they took the shot).
Ok so if the kids weren’t a factor, OP would be fine with it? I thought I read OPs posts otherwise…if no kids in the equation, and still not OK with it. WHETE DOES IT END?!
Just meet up outside somewhere if you have to. We have the same issue and I will not meet up with them in an enclosed space. We flat out told them and we weren’t worried about hurting their feelings. We were just honest and blunt. Take care of yourselves just like they are taking care of their selves.
Your house your rules. Tell them your kids are not vaccinated and would prefer to meet outdoors.
Really simple: they're choosing what's important to them (i wouldn't bother arguing their ignorance about the vaccine, if they're not convinced by experts, they won't be convinced by you). So, you do the same: "hi sis, would love to get together, but we're taking every precaution right now. Looking forward to seeing you when it's safe for everyone. Love you!" If she gives you grief about that, realize she is saying your needs are not important to her and refuse to engage.
It’s a shell game of which “experts” you decide to listen to. Plenty of experts on all sides. Judgment is not helpful in this situation. Someone’s choice is their choice and it should be respected. The implications of that choice—I.e. not being able to see people who don’t feel comfortable about it—are just what comes with the territory.
Your house, your rules.
Its really just this simple.
Reading through so many of these comments as a Canadian makes me very much hope that our government keeps the border closed indefinitely
I’m a dual 🇨🇦🇺🇸 citizen and totally get where you’re coming from EY11.
Rising Star
Never thought vaccines would become the virtue signal it has become. People are willing to cut off family members because they want to show how serious they are about their virtues on whatever side they’re on.
For SD1 - At this point, it's not about virtue signaling. I mean, maybe it is for some people who are hyperpartisan and watch Rachel Maddow obsessively, sure. Although from your use of the phrase "virtue signaling" I'd venture a guess that you consume plenty of partisan (conservative) media, too. "Virtue signaling" is a conservative's taunt. But for most people, there are practical pragmatic implications, that come from vaccine refusal. We can see that vaccine refusers are the cause of an increase in hospitalizations. We can see that this outbreak (or, increase in severe illness) is leading to new health warnings and new restrictions and a general pullback on reopenings. We can see that I will have to wear a stupid mask on the airplane and subway that much longer, because a bunch of vaccine refusers are spoiling our chances of eradicating or at least disarming this virus. So I hate the vaccine refusers not because I'm so proud of myself but because their stupidity is generating a great deal of inconvenience to me. And that's a plenty good reason to mock and criticize these luddites.
Again, everyone who is saying they are refusing to see unvaccinated people because they don’t feel safe.. why can’t the unvaxxed relatives take a covid test prior to visit that would confirm they are covid free?
VP1 I’m not really following your response but I guess that was some sort of sarcasm implying among other things that I’m an irrational anti vaxxer who is telling people not to vaccinate and act against their believes. I happen to be none of those things. Was just suggesting to take a covid test and meet outdoors since I don’t think all people who are not vaccinated have covid. Cheers
So you're an anti-vaxer. You don't believe vaccines work. Then what does it matter if they have it or not?
Parker + Lynch - The word you're looking for is prophylactic. The Covid or flu vaccine is not that. A "shot" is not a medical term...
I just met with an employee over zoom wearing a wrist brace, and I thought he hurt himself recently, but no. It's actually carpal tunnel syndrome from long-haul covid. This is a very young adult who got covid a year ago and his life is now... difficulty typing, extended physical therapy. This is what awaits an unvaccinated moron. So you may not die. Ok. But you could end up with this, and I'm pretty sure that after a year of dealing with it, you might eventually realize how stupid you were.
You also missed the essential point. We require vaccines for schools but you’re allowed to homeschool and not vaccinate. We don’t have checks for other vaccines on trains and planes and concerts. Arguing that changing that is not significant or substantially different or new is lol.
Everyone isn't going to get the vaccine. Deal with it. 10 or 15 years from now you'll see what a major hoax all of this was.
I suspect you will find out how real it is much sooner than that, PE1.