My wife and I have 2 children. We got married young and I have handled all expenses since marriage. I've even paid for some of her schooling and have encouraged her to continue finishing her Bachelors (she has difficulty choosing what to study and insinuated that when I mention the drawbacks of certain fields, it puts her off studying at all, she's also in student loan debt because her family took out loans in her name and never paid them off).

Long story short, now we have....

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So she doesn’t pay for anything, has help 3 days a week, you’re working 14 hours a day and yet she wants YOU to do more?

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Yes, and my sister in law pretty much came to visit and said she thinks men like me are ass holes for not cleaning up and doing more around the house. I think I'm slightly triggered because my wife clearly feels the same, slightly.

Can you us more details on her work schedule…
being a female, and this is my opinion, i feel marriage has always been a ‘partnership’ just that the roles are now blending in. Whereas earlier the man would be responsible for earning the money, the woman of the household took care of the house, including house chores. Now where woman are working and contributing to the family ‘pot’, it’s only right that men contribute to the house chores. What i don’t get is when some women want the benefits of the modern relationship without sharing any of the burdens…

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Of course! So day tends to start early with the children as they are up by 5am. She's with them all day of course. So she creates activities here and there for them, occasionally takes them out to the park, mall, or wherever to get fresh air. The eldest has an hour or so of screen time. She doesn't do much cleaning as the maid does that, though with children there are always messes to tidy up and of courses dishes to be done when the maid isn't here (Especially on weekends).

However, she doesn't have a job. I'm encouraging her to continue her education (even online) and I'll pay the cost. Our youngest will be in nursery soon so that'll alleviate her for 6 hours a day as well soon.

OP, lookup what the word “simp” means. You have no self-respect and she does not respect you. Stand-up for yourself!

likesmart

Dude - this is NOT a modern relationship. Your wife is not playing her part here. You are being taken for a ride. If she’s not contributing monetarily, she needs to contribute in kind, pick up chores. You’re already doing more than your share.

OP, don’t play into this. She claims she wants a “modern relationship” while reaping the benefits of the traditional relationship you’ve provided for her. So she wants to not work nor clean and has the option of maids/nannies? Sounds more like your spoiled teen daughter than a wife. I’m a woman if that helps for context. She should not be asking you to contribute more to cleaning when she seems to want to absolve herself of all responsibilities while you work all day to provide this lifestyle for her. It shocks me that there are men who put up with this, but maybe I can just read the situation better coming in with the female perspective. Either she is very delusional or is playing you like a fiddle.

If this was a “modern relationship” as she so desires, then she would have an education and a career. But she doesn’t. Nor is it a “traditional relationship” because you have a maid for a stay at home mom. It is neither because she wants her cake and to eat it too.

To be clear, I have no issue with stay at home moms. I would love to be one. But the responsibilities of a SAHM to create an equal partnership are to take on the tasks of running the home. If she is trying to outsource these tasks to you or hired help, then she is not creating a true partnership.

likesmart

I would sit down with her and explain that feel you since you spend 14 hour work days to create a stable life for your children and her, you feel it would be most fair if she took ownership of the household responsibilities to create an equal share of work. Avoid blaming terms, and instead focus on feelings and mutual efforts to form an equal and happy partnership

Two beautiful children. One of which going to the top school in the country (might as be a college tuition), The other nursery. We have help 3 days a week to come clean and watch the children and I've even offered to hire a live in nanny and cleaner to which she replied that she'd prefer that I do those things.

But I can't, my role doesn't allow me much leniency. I work 14 hours days and get very little sleep. At most I take my children out once every week or two to give her the day to herself and provide her massages every few weeks to pamper herself. I take my eldest two sports lessons also to help. However, she feels a "modern relationship" would require me to also take up half of the duties at home and I'm not doing that yet.

What I want to know is, what can I do? I don't want my wife to think ill of me or to think I'm not a good husband. I want to give her everything she's ever wanted, but it's just a bit hard right now.

Of course I can provide additional details that you may feel are important for me to mention.

OP, I'm wondering what's in it for you? What does she bring to the table to demand that you do more than you already do...given that she does the bare minimum, as a housewife?

Asking because usually, a man is willing to go above and beyond for a woman and put up with all her unreasonable demands only when she's offering something unique that he can't (or rarely can) get elsewhere - and so he feels the need to overcompensate for this.

Your intentions are noble. But loving your wife doesn't mean giving in to her unfair expectations of you. Creating a happy home entails open communication, mutual support and a goal of equality at the core of the relationship. Not sacrificing one's well-being to please the other. That's just not sustainable in the long run.

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