My wife filed for divorce. We have two little boys 4 & 7. I have no idea how this is going to work especially with the long hours I put in.

Same thing happened to me. First, I’m really sorry that you have deal with this. As you’re seeing it’s not easy. It’s super-emotional, expensive and it hits the kids hard. Here are a couple of things I did that helped;
1. As much as possible don’t argue in front of your children. Everything you say that’s hateful to one another ends up being internalized by the children.
2. Consider seeing a therapist together--but know that if one of you isn’t into it, it can be an expensive waste of time.
3. Buy two copies of each of these books (one copy of each is fine if you’re still living together) and share them with your wife:
How to get the love you want
The Good Karma Divorce

I’ve read the first and thought it was helpful; my friend swears by the second one.
4. Do something for yourself where you feel good about who you are at least once a day. Once I got my head together, I started running. The endorphins helped. A lot. And kept me from a lot of other self-destructive behavior.
5. Try and make it work with your wife. In some cases couples can and do figure it out. While you’re in the figuring it out phase, resist the temptation to see other women.
6. If everything fails, consider going with arbitration rather than lawyers. The savings can be significant.
7. Realize that it’s going to be tough. In my case it got so bad, I contemplated suicide. But once I realized that I could be a good divorced dad, it took a load off my shoulders and I felt better about everything. Really.
8. Get counseling for yourself.

9. Realize things WILL get better, but in the meantime your kids will need you (and your wife) more than ever.
Good luck and please keep us apprised of your progress.

My parents divorced when I was young and I’m glad they did, they’re not compatible. It made times harder and stretched them both thin but I think I came out a wiser kid who was more a tune to the struggles of my parents and therefore more grateful. You’ll be okay, just be honest with them, kids pick up more than you think.

The long hours may be a reason? It may force you to prioritize what’s important.

I’ve been in your situation. You will absolutely get through it and be able to make it work. Lean on your support system as you figure out what the new normal will be. Family may be able to help, and nannies/babysitters are great. Try to work the separation from a place of doing what’s best for the kids. Anger doesn’t have to be a part of it if you choose a better way. There are many of us who are on the other side. Talk to someone and take deep breaths

Thank you for all these comments. I appreciate each and every one of them

You're doing great. The holidays are hard in general. In 10 days it will be a new year, and you get to plan how you want it to go.

Cheers! I am proud of you.

It’s like everything that seems impossible, OP. You figure it out, somehow. And you will. I’m sorry/good luck.

Been there. Every bit of advice above is super helpful. I’m adding to this from a Dad’s perspective. Dad’s can get the shaft custody-wise. Start a calendar/journal where you keep track of the time you spend with your kids and anything that happens. It can come in handy if your ex tries to take more time or say you’re an absentee dad who doesn’t deserve the time. Dads deserve rights too

Sorry...

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there and it feels like pulling your own skin off-it’s painful. But, it gets better and even though I wanted to punch someone in the face every time I heard the cliche that time heals, it’s true. Adding to ACD1’s very helpful response-this is the time you practice boundaries with work-not easy I know. But you will bust ass the days you don’t have the kids and you can set leave times the days you do. It will cause a fuss, but you’re a leader and you’ll lead, while making the path easier for those coming after you.

Also, mind your mental health. I too have had several mini breakdowns, which I’ve struggled to keep hidden. Not good. Be better than me and be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself and hug those kiddos tight. Mine are teens and wonderful people- even though every drug intervention show on TV seemed to blame every problem on a parents divorce. Okay now I’m rambling, just wanted to let you know it all works out.

Child of divorce here, parents split when I was 7. My suggestion would echo ACD1s advice try not to argue with your kids around, try to make it work with your wife, and if you can’t don’t jump into a new relationship after divorce is finalized too soon

Thats horrible news, especially to get right before Xmas. Not to make assumptions, but maybe its not a total surprise? Maybe the hours are part of it. Still, sad to hear, hope everyone makes it through okay. (And maybe you do need to cut down on the hours for the kids sake.)

Not a dad and not divorced. But having helped a few friends and siblings through custody hearings, get it right the first time because it’s really, really hard to go back and change those agreements later. These are your kids, and time is hella more important than money.

Two years divorced in March. Kids are 7 and 4. I was cheated on, so it's easy to be the victim. But the hardest thing to realize was my part that I played in pushing her away. It takes two to work, as much as it does to not work. Do the hard work on yourself to understand their side in being unhappy with you. You will grow, your next relationship will be strong and your kids will make it.

My 7 year old helps me around the house, helps take care of her little brother, and keeps my mind straight about school dates. Im asking more from her than any 7 year old deserves, and shes shining. She should be a kid, instead shes helping me fold laundry. It leaves me in a puddle some nights. They both understand that I'm alone, not lonely, to be with them. DONT LET THEM SEE ANOTHER PERSON IN BED IN THE MORNING UNLESS ITS FOR REAL. That's one thing I've been proud of. As rough as it is for you, they're going through things they have no idea about, with emotions that are seedlings of later problems - and strengths. It will happen. Hug them tight. You have the chance to make their childhood in your image, to be the parent you want to be, and that they need. This is the golden age of childhood for them. Dont wish it away or waste it feeling sorry for yourself. I work from home by choice, and sacrifice, so I can get them from school and be there for whatever they need. Their mom is a workaholic.

None of this will matter, or be appreciated, until much later in their lives. Look past your pain and mistakes to the investment you're making in their future - kids could care less about a 529 savings plan, they want you to hold them at the end of Homeward Bound. The sacrifice now in service to them will pay off. The pain will subside, life continues. But they are only this age once and it's one of the universe's most magnificent gifts. Don't fuck it up.

Sorry to hear that. =\

Sorry to hear that! Hang in there mate!

I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe is there someone you can talk to and set boundaries? That you have to work from home every Friday or maybe leave early on days you have your kids? It will all work out. Everything is difficult in the beginning but it will come together trust it

Stay strong. I wish you peace and hope that you can work it out.

Title of the book is actually Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrex. Apologies—it’s been a few years since I read it.