{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My wife's sister and I used to work together. I'll call her Jane for this post. That’s how I met my wife of 10 years. Me and Jane were reasonably close. Over the course of the 10 years, we have drifted apart due to things I probably have said, things she has said to me that I felt were offensive. It didn’t help though that we have a mutual group of friends so I'm sure there are things I said to someone that got to her and vice versa. Anyway, I havent spoken to her in exactly 3 years. contd.\n", "post_id": "61e6410a4fb4be00299d7b98", "reply_count": 25, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

My wife's sister and I used to work together. I'll call her Jane for this post. That’s how I met my wife of 10 years. Me and Jane were reasonably close. Over the course of the 10 years, we have drifted apart due to things I probably have said, things she has said to me that I felt were offensive. It didn’t help though that we have a mutual group of friends so I'm sure there are things I said to someone that got to her and vice versa. Anyway, I havent spoken to her in exactly 3 years. contd.

likefunny
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Completely unrelated to your history with your sister-in-law: I never, ever make jokes about couples and children. Not only is it not funny, there are a million ways that it can hurt because it's such a sensitive topic. What if they are trying and can't get pregnant? What if there have been hidden miscarriages? What if they found out their pregnancy isn't viable? What if they've been fighting about if they should have kids? What if they don't want kids and they are getting pressured by family? Just not worth joking about. I only ever ask about that topic seriously.

likehelpfulsmart

So much this. And unfortunately, as a woman, we get asked all the damn time. I’m thankful that I didn’t have issues conceiving but I know a lot of other women who have. And it absolutely sucks when someone brings it up not knowing their struggles.

I feel like I just got catfished

likefunny

I was expecting the same p1. At least that would’ve made this interesting

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Yeah… this is why you don’t joke about pregnancies. You can’t force someone to be your friend, and if it’s not affecting her relationship with your wife, it’s honestly a bit selfish to try to force a friendship given that she’s made it clear she’s not interested.

like

She got married 4 years ago. She speaks to my wife (her sister) with no issues at all. A few days ago, I decided to give her a call to find out how she was doing and hopefully break the ice. All 3 of us (including my wife) got on a video call and started speaking to her. In the middle of the call a friend of mine called me and I excused myself. This friend told me he had just had a baby etc. We spoke for a few minutes before I returned to the video call with Jane. This is where the huge fuck up happens. I get back on the video call and ask Jane "when is the baby coming?". Now this was a joke and I didn’t expect a serious response. I was expecting a response like "We are practicing" then we just laugh about it and move on. Instead she gave me a serious response saying " Children are a gift from God. We will have one when God gives us one." I felt like shit and immediately apologised. Moved on to other things but I still felt like shit realising what just happened. I apologised 2 more times during the call and on the last one she then said to me "You found it appropriate to joke with me like that after not speaking to me for 3 years….etc" She said a few more things and immediately hung up. I sent her a message apologising for what had happened upon which she went on and said I have just reminded her why she hasn’t spoken to me in 3 years. I always say inappropriate things. (I have no idea what she is speaking about) She said it's better for us to keep a distance because we can't be civil with each other. I honestly want to fix my relationship with her and I was worried that this would impact her relationship with my wife. I'm glad it hasn’t because they spoke after this and everything is normal between them. But I legit want to fix my relationship with her. My wife just found out yesterday that Jane has had a number of miscarriages and that makes me feel so shitty that I said this to her. It was not even my intention. The purpose of my call was to hopefully start to fix the relationship and I royally fucked it up. How can I fix this, if at all?

likefunny

Sorry the relationship is not salvageable anymore. Time to let go of this friendship. Why would fixing relationship with Jane have any impact with her relationship with your wife?

like

I wouldn't bother... as long as it doesn't bother your wife and your wife has a good relationship with her sister. Don't add stress to your life by trying to please someone who 1) has already made the decision to not get along with you 2) thinks differently than you and therefore will never match your vibes. Not a bad thing, just different personalities, sense of humor, etc.

like

You waited three years to fix this mess (you seem genuinely want to fit it - and not saying it’s your fault) only to mess it up again in this short call (this is a terrible joke for someone who you don’t really know and may have had a really hard time conceiving). Let it rest and drop it for now. Maybe wait in a few more year. Hope they get a baby and you can buy the nicest baby shower present 🎁

like

I see no reason for you to need to be close friends with your sister in law. I would just let it go.

like

Babies are a very sensitive issue—especially for those who’ve suffered miscarriage. It sounds like perhaps you’re just not going to be on the same wavelength because you continue to offend each other. But in the future, I think you might need to adjust how you act. If you always say offensive things and make humor of everything, that’s going to affect many of your relationships. Perhaps you’re too comfortable with the wrong people?

likesmart

Ouch. Sorry there is no real way to fix the relationship. Also OP do you have children? like that can add to a huge amount of jealousy and feed into a cycle of pain for Jane. My wife's best friend and husband do not have children and have struggled for a long time, and I know it was exceedingly painful for her to see my wife enjoy our children as they struggled. Also OP, This is your sister-in-law how close of a relationship do you need at this point. I couldn't tell you what my sister in laws middle name was if you gave me money. As long as your wife can mediate, I would probably let it go, apologize again if your wife thinks it's needed and move on.

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Yeah I feel like you wife should be the mediator

smart

If you’re a working professional - NEVER joke/ask about conception, pregnancy, or babies. EVER This one is 100% on you. Take the loss and stop trying - seems you’ve clearly made offensive comments in the past. You and Jane are just not on the same wavelength when it comes to sensitive topics

like

Hilarious. Let it go. Stop trying to be everyone’s friend.

like

Sorry, OP. This is tough and it seems like she intractable. Did you explain this situation to your wife? What does she think?

Sorry you’re feeling this way, like everyone is saying we can tell you honestly want to fix the relationship. I’d apologize and leave it at that, but don’t over apologize and don’t use too many words

Disagree with a lot of these replies. Yes, you shouldn’t have made that kind of joke but you did and you learned the consequences. When it comes to tough situations in relationships, people like to take the easy way out (as shown by the comments suggesting to just move on). Even though your bad relationship with your sister in law doesn’t affect your wife now, it potentially could in the future or potentially cause a rift in the family. My families (maternal and paternal sides) have experienced serious arguments and divisions and I think that if it’s possible to salvage the relationship, then you should always try. You and your sister in law will likely never be best buddies, but I’m sure you can work towards a place of being cordial with each other. I think it starts with you being critical of yourself and identifying what you’ve done thats hurt her and offering her a real honest apology and that you want to work at being a better brother in law to her. Maybe it’ll take her a while to accept it or maybe she won’t but I think it’s better to try (when the time is appropriate and you’ve allowed some time from the most recent argument). If you are in a better place with her down the line, then you have to be more careful of what you say to her (or maybe to other people generally). My dad and uncle didn’t speak for 5 years due to some serious allegations many members of my family made against my uncles wife at the time. After some time, my uncle realized that the allegations were true and eventually separated from her and eventually my grandfather was able to mediate a “reunion” between my uncle and dad and now they’re closer than ever. Every situation is different, but I think trying again is worth it. Good luck.

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Ahh it is posting but into middle of feed as opposed to top.

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Post for push testing

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test on 1.1.5!

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Top top post!

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Not seeing any other posts!

14:36 gmt 😀

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How many first year analysts here started as interns? What did you guys do to get those jobs?

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How great would office emojis be in this app?

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Looking good! Create post animation looks great too and so does the character count!

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Please be advised: If you have friends at work, you *may not* actually have friends at work. Some would say that there is no such thing as a friend at work. Exhibit A attached.

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likefunny

Looking for guy trip recommendations. Tropical but not to far from Chicago. Bahamas Jamaica BVI Turks Grand Cayman Mexico. Looking for. Good mix of night life beach and fishing. Mid 30's crowed going

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Any dry cleaners that can iron just the T zone in my shirts (collar and middle line where the buttons are)? Ill keep my suit jacket on and save tons on laundry!

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What's been your experience working on teams of all or a majority the opposite gender?

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Best/ Favorite useful app? Mine would be Slickdeals, people on the community look/research for good deals around the web and post it.

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