{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My younger sibling (non-binary) graduated in spring of 2020 and has been living at home with our parents working part time with a social media gig. Before the pandemic they were also working in the service industry. They don’t drive and really struggle with remote work to the point that getting a full time remote job feels terrible for them. I know my parents have been getting more direct about telling them to get a full time job, which is obviously stressful and they don’t feel employable", "post_id": "6003b6ae0a333f002835b117", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

My younger sibling (non-binary) graduated in spring of 2020 and has been living at home with our parents working part time with a social media gig. Before the pandemic they were also working in the service industry. They don’t drive and really struggle with remote work to the point that getting a full time remote job feels terrible for them. I know my parents have been getting more direct about telling them to get a full time job, which is obviously stressful and they don’t feel employable

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There are many layers to this, but my suggestion would be to get them a therapist to unpack the fear of driving. Having the ability to drive should bring about more work opportunities as well as more confidence

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I think there are lots of issues that need to be untangled, as others have noted. They don’t drive? Why? How can that be overcome? They think their gender identity is going to block them from jobs? Yes it may be a battle in some places unfortunately, but that’s not universally true. It sounds like this is an excuse or they’re ashamed or something. How accepted are they at hone and with friends? Do they have a community of trans role models? What makes technical jobs the only remote ones? Language tutoring, teaching,any finance roles, consulting roles.... I’m hearing a lot of excuses and think they need some help to get past them. I’d have a hard talk with them and ask what good it does to cling to these excuses. I’d be willing to bet that fear or rejection (like failed job apps) is at the root of several of these, and they may be especially sensitive to rejection if they’ve been rejected when sharing their trans identity.

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Is there an LGBTQ society/group at the school your sibling graduated from they can reach out to for career advice and support? The society/group should be able to help them find companies that have support networks for their LGBTQ employees and connect them with older LGBTQ graduates. My LGBTQ friends have all recruited with their LGBTQ university groups as they wanted to ensure that the company they chose was going to empower them and support them. Your sibling should also consider therapy. Even with an accepting family, our society does not do enough to support and embrace the LGBTQ community. Please wish them luck in their search! They are lucky to have you in their life too!

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They’re going to therapy i believe. Have been for a while, off and on. Per my recommendation they started again like 9 months ago after a breakup. But it’s a good idea to recommend that they specifically address the fear of driving. That’s also a good idea about the ERG. They work with a lot of trans people and networks and there have been certain networking groups for professional development. But it’s tough right now, they really feel like remote working is not something they’re mentally capable of doing full time, but they can’t work out of the house due to my parents being at risk. I’m just not sure what the line is between feeling like a victim and using that as an excuse, and actually being at a serious disadvantage. They’re also drinking a lot at home 😞

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Therapy helps. Honestly, I can see your parents side. It’s hard to see your kids not doing everything they could be doing due to fear. I hate to say it but sometimes you just have to push kids into the things they fear the most. Maybe it will be horrible but they can’t succeed without doing something. Find an LGBT friendly company and recruit for positions in HR departments. My friends in different affinity groups, whether disabled or LGBT, have found wonderful niches in progressive HR/human capital departments. I heard Verizon is great.

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I also see my parents side. I just don’t know how to make them work through this knee jerk reaction of “I can’t do that”

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They need to understand their knee jerk reaction may work with you, but not your sibling. My parents said years ago that all kids need help- in different ways. My brother will always need financial help where I won’t. They may feel better emotionally with the knee jerk reaction but it’s not results based and only serves to make them feel better - not your sibling.

I just wish I could help in some way because 1) they are terrified of driving (parents’ house is in the suburbs so it’s tough to not have that freedom); 2) they don’t feel employable for many full time remote positions because they don’t have a technical background and as a trans person they feel like the corporate world is almost insurmountably tricky to break into; and 3) they really struggle with working remotely at home, sitting in their room even for 20 hours a week. It’s gotten to the point where I think their relationship with my parents is deteriorating significantly, as my parents are trying to push them to find a job in both direct and passive aggressive ways. Does anyone have advice? Or is going through something similar? I want them to be independent. I know they have a good work ethic it’s just difficult with this pandemic.

Do you have an ERG that had someone who could set up a call to discuss what it is actually like in your corporate world? Therapy is also a good idea.

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