Need advice. I’m a F and work on the functional/project management side of our project. I work closely with the tech teams and while many of them are helpful, kind, and team players, I’ve notice some of them can be disrespectful when speaking with me, don’t like to be helpful, and will sometimes try to push any non-tech work onto me, even if it was assigned to them. I push back on doing their work but I’m tired of being disrespected and dealing with attitudes when I’m just trying to do my job…

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I’m tired of having to justify myself when asking them questions (usually status updates, etc) but more so tired of having to deal with them having an attitude and being defensive (sometimes disrespectful) when they speak with me. It’s becoming more frequent/common and not sure whether or not to bring this up with my manager. They’ve always been supportive in the past but I don’t want to seem like I’m difficult (even though the problem isn’t me).

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Well you can ask them for advice on how to ‘deal with it on your own’ — asking a superior for guidance doesn’t mean you’re asking them to fix your problem

I don’t think (or at least hope) this is due to your gender. I do feel your team (you included) needs some coaching/mentoring on ownership and clarity on work assignments.

It’s hard to propose a solution without knowing the specifics but it sounds like they don’t agree with the “non tech” work assigned to them. This still isn’t a reason for being disrespectful or having an attitude.

To offer you a perspective from the other side (I’m tech, male) - I have faced several folks on the consulting side trying to treat tech folks with disrespect, basically barking orders, not doing their homework or treating us like secretaries/assistants.

Are they your subordinates, or peers? It could be an ego clash (similar level) thing as well.

Too many variables. Definitely talk to your M and have a transparent conversation with him/her/them.

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I also experience this daily as a M so it’s by no means exclusive to a gender if that’s what you are insinuating

Not entirely, no. I know it’s not just my gender and more so my role but I do think some of these men in these positions wouldn’t do it as often or as easily if I was a M. I hate thinking that way but I do believe gender plays some sort of a role, even if small.

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Be firm with them, document everything and talk to your manager

A1- I’m not in “true consulting” anymore so can’t easily switch projects. I like my role anyway and also feel like it’s not on me to change since it’s a them problem, not a me problem. To your other point, it’s hard to have call notes to document attitude and defensiveness. I usually get the answers I need eventually but not without the other stuff. Can’t really put that in call notes hah.

Start CYAing after their calls. Email them for questions/clarifications and copy your boss. Once your boss picks up on the situation you can have them put your adversaries in their place.

I am personally not a big fan of excessive CYA within internal teams. I am there to do my best while being as professional as possible. If my work is not trusted and I have to save my butt from everyone, I’ll gladly ask to be rolled off and join a different project.

Not worth the mental gymnastics.

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Can you give an example of how they are disrespectful?

Who are they reporting to? That person needs to hear this and agree with you on the ownership on non-tech work. From there on, they should handle the conversation with these folks (about ownership).

You shouldn’t have to worry about convincing people what their responsibilities are unless they are direct reportees of yours.

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