Need advice: my SO got a job across the country in our dream location and I want to move with him. I’m worried to asking my job to be fully remote will end up with someone implying “just get another boyfriend” as we are not engaged. I’ve thought-spiraled as far as trying to stage an engagement just to have that weight when asking for full remote. Anyone have any advice on how to ask for this??

likefunnyhelpful
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I’ve had people I manage request being fully remote to move just to experience a change of scenery and to experience something new. No qualifications are needed to justify the move if the option is there. Focus on how it won’t be detrimental to your work and your plan for that. That should be the only thing they worry about.

likesmart

The main issue is the company has hinted at being really serious about a hybrid work model :/ but we do have a couple fully remote workers. Thanks I will think of how my work won’t be impacted. One of my main arguments is I was hired during full remote work and have work seamlessly under that

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My partner <<<<—- I use that quite often so people wont ask questions 😂 mind you i dont have a partner just a best friend/roommate/ PARTNER in crime.

“Its my partner’s birthday so i need to logoff on time.”

“I need to take my partner to the doctor for an appointment.”

likefunny

I love this 😹😹😹

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How is that their problem if you're married or not? You want something, ask for it and see. They don't need "proof" for your personal choices.

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Unfortunately this has happened to me. I was questioned if my “partner” was a married one, how long we’ve been together, whether we live together, are we planning to be together etc. perhaps its also because I’m young. But I hope OP stands their ground and does what is best for them.

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You’re enormously overthinking this. Your boss doesn’t evaluate your relationship status when making business decisions*

What are they gonna say? “Oh, sorry, would have approved this if you’d been dating for 18+ months but let’s be real it hasn’t been that long and here at Workplace Inc we’re all not so sure if it’s gonna last with Josh…” In no universe.

*if they do — gtfo out of there and get a new boss in the new city with your boo

likefunny

Your title though 😬

funny

Think about this: a dude would straight up ask and not worry about the response

likesmart

“To fix this we should…. Eliminate gender stereotypes.”

Fuckin A, problem solved!

I just figured it “sounds better” when saying fiancé vs something else. But I’m young and I don’t know if employers actually care or can care about your marital status when asking for something like this. And of course Covid kind of changed things

likehelpfulfunny

Author — Expedia is a big company in Seattle. They’re mostly hiring in office and therefore struggling to find people (ie desperate lol). They’d be a great place to apply if you need something up there quickly

Well i don't know your company or your cultural situation enough but I would personally just ask for what I want. You're either 100% confident this is what you want and you go for it, or you're not. I think providing arguments as to why this can work and how you can ensure this will never be an obstacle to your performance is MORE important than giving details about your personal life and why you made this choice. I would find 3-4 good reasons why this can work for your situation. This is the only topic of concern in my view. Your personal situation is not their problem.

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The biggest issue I see here is the employer possibly having to open an unemployment account in the state you are moving to and possibly adhere to a set of employment laws different than they are used to. Ultimately if they value you as an employee this isn’t a huge deal. If they feel you can easily be replaced they’ll do that whether you are married or not.

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Could also create income/sales tax nexus. If they were claiming PL-272 and now they have an employee in the state doing something other than soliciting orders, it could be an expensive tax bill.

Just say "i need to move to State X for family reasons" and don't elaborate. Your personal stuff is none of their business. Either they value you enough to give you the fully remote option or they don't.

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Very true thank you ❤️

As others said, your relationship status shouldn’t matter or have any impact. Either the role can be done remotely and the company is open to it or it can’t/they aren’t. Being engaged or married won’t (and shouldn’t) change either of those things.

You’ll need to make a solid business case for why you can do your job as effectively from the other location. It may also depend on whether the business is already set up to operate from there - it’s an additional expense and administrative burden to set up a new tax location, and many businesses won’t do it for just one employee, especially a non-executive.

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That may depend on how payroll is run - whether it’s separate legal entities in different locations (or for corporate vs branches) or all one entity. For a credit union it seems likely it would all be one legal entity, in which case they’d already have the necessary setup. If there are separate payrolls there are potential workarounds, but that depends on their policies and willingness to accommodate you (ex. moving you to the other payroll and Finance charging your role back to the appropriate place on the backend - some companies can/will do this, but not all)

He’s not that special, you’re young and in “in love”, it’s nothing more than a fling, if you get married to this guy you’ll likely be divorced within 4 years, and you’ll thank me when you’re older.

funnylikesmart

I bet you’re fun at parties

funnylike

Ask to go fully remote and only explain as much of the reason as you feel comfortable explaining.

If they say no, leave. If they say yes, you got what you wanted. If you're really paranoid, apply to other jobs and line up a backup offer first. Just don't tell them about it unless you're ready to quit.

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I like Deloitte 5's response. Be proactive.

No one needs to tell their employer everything - some matters are illegal for them to ask or it is none of their business.

Ask HR if they have other employees working remotely. If so, say: I love working here. My SO just accepted a job in another part of the country and I'd love to keep working with this company. Can I do so remotely? I haven't talked to my boss yet. At this juncture, ask HR next steps. Most likely you'll talk to your manager first.

2. Simultaneously, start applying elsewhere. Just remember to check to see if your employer can view your profile. Some job boards let you suppress your company from seeing your profile. It is good to explore your options.

Your relationship with your SO is not the issue here unless there is something going on at home that is making you question the move.

Good luck. Think wisely. Your decisions impact your life.

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I was in almost this exact situation, except that we literally were engaged and had a wedding date and everything. When I was hired, it was with a remote option. That was in my offer letter. Fast forward to three months before I had planned to move, reminded my boss that I was moving at the beginning of the summer and asked what expectations she’d like to set as far as traveling back to the office quarterly, monthly etc. Two weeks later the company eliminated all remote leadership positions and I was laid off. I do not recommend staging and engagement as a way to pull on their heartstrings because it definitely didn’t affect my situation. If they want you in the office they’re going to make you choose.

I suppose it depends how serious you are about your partner. In my case, we’ve been together 4 1/2 years, had a wedding and relocation already planned, and I’m seeking other employment that’s either fully remote or hybrid and based in our new city. If you’re not very serious yet, you might consider looking for something in his city and joining him later, or you might decide that your love life is worth more than your career and just go. That’s what it came down to for me.

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I will be the contrarian and say relationship status could matter to the employer. At my firm, they are more likely to approve transfers if there is a legitimate reason, including family related reasons.

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Fully agree!

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OP, you are a consulting staff, you can probably jump ship to any number of other firms that will have you as remote or at least in person in your new location. Also, as a staff I would not think twice about switching firms over something like this. If you were on the cusp of becoming an equity partner or something like that I could understand but not as a staff. You may want to actually broach the subject with your current firm and see what they say before you go crazy worrying about this.

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Plenty of work in consulting in the SEA-Tac area at any big 4 or at boutiques. Ask for referrals in the Consulting bowl, reach out to recruiters on linked in. You can literally find a job and be based out of those offices before you move. I know for a fact slalom is hiring in SEA.

That’s a really good point, thank you!

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The only thing that *should* factor into your employer’s decision is how valuable you are as an employee, which dictates how far they will go to keep you and make you happy. Your relationship status, or why you want to be remote at all, is actually irrelevant. If they won’t let you be remote, be willing to walk away and find a new job that will.

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Okay first off I’m going to assume you’re young but your job doesn’t really care about your actual marital status. Secondly if you go fully remote would it negatively impact your job output and lower business productivity? Does your contract require you to be in office sometimes or not? Have you been a good employee and are you easily replaceable? Other than that this has to be satire 😂

funny

Lol makes sense. Once there is no clause in your contract requiring you to be present at the location for specific purposes and you’re able to do the job remotely without a negative impact on production then there shouldn’t be a problem.

Either they will do their best to accommodate your request or they won’t in which case you’ll have to consider finding a new job in your dream city. If they can’t accommodate fully remote I guarantee it wont make a difference if you’re engaged or not. A piece of paper or a ring doesn’t dictate how serious a relationship is. I would hope your employer wouldn’t be petty enough to bring up anything like that.

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I followed my gf to a dream city and we’re now married with two wonderful kids. Don’t let anybody imply your bf isn’t worth it. Good luck!

likeuplifting

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