{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Need advice on an engagement ring. I hear 3x your monthly salary. That's more than $15k. Is that reasonable for a upper middle class ring? And do Chinese girls want 24 ct rings? Aren't they too soft?", "post_id": "585feb2f13b58e00106d3df2", "reply_count": 91, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Need advice on an engagement ring. I hear 3x your monthly salary. That's more than $15k. Is that reasonable for a upper middle class ring? And do Chinese girls want 24 ct rings? Aren't they too soft?

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I'm not Chinese but foreign and although 3mos salary etc may seem greedy by American standards, with foreigners it's different. We come from places with thousands of years of culture and norms, and telling us that our culture as women doesn't matter because you don't agree with it is insulting and will set the tone that you don't and never will respect her culture. So if it's important to her- it should be important to you, especially when she will wear the ring everyday, have to look at it and socialize with people of her culture and who will judge. Don't put her in a position where she has to defend you constantly, out her in a position where she will be proud. My husband is American and im not- he went through a lot of expense making sure my culture was respected at our wedding. We had a church ceremony, 2nd ceremony for my family (on the same day), he hired a woman to drive 9hrs from DC Ti set up the 2nd ceremony and spent $5k in it- and it meant the world to my family (showed respect) and I. My American husband also paid for the wedding, because in my culture the man pays. He NEVER expected that, but he did it out of live for me and respect for my culture. He's not rich and it took 1.5yrs to pay off the wedding. Point is- if you truly love her, be respectful of what she wants for something she will wear every day for life.

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OP: I'm a female at DT. Also make your salary after tax, in Advisory in the Central states. Our salary is shitty compared to Advisory. Don't tie the ring cost to your salary, that's ridiculous. Maybe use that as a high Mark, but don't strive for that amount. Put more into a house down payment or savings instead.

On to the ring. I usually wear gold jewelry but as far as diamond rings go, I go platinum. Platinum is also soft and dents easily like 24 karat gold, but it has a nice weight to it and I believe it's longer lasting. I personally haven't seen a female lately who wanted a gold diamond ring, but if your girlfriend said she wants a 24 karat gold engagement ring (specifically that ring) then get it. Don't ask the rest of us about that.

$15k is too much. Don't get stuck on the grades like ABCD or flawless etc. In general, slightly below one carat or slightly below two carats is going to be cheaper than hitting the mark, so you can save a lot that way. Also go to wholesale jeweler, will be much cheaper and I can tell you from experience myself, you cannot tell the difference between all those grades. Size, shape, and design does matter though.

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As a manager if you're making 5K a month, you're getting ripped off. Get out.

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That's an insane amount of money in my mind.

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There is no standard, it's all a scam

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

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Anyone else here think you should run while you can -- she is demanding 24k and 3 months salary...? Tell her she can buy her own f'ing ring if she is so particular...

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3 months salary is a stupid rule created by the diamond industry. Buy what you can reasonably afford. Remember you can always upgrade the stone later. If she's worth it she won't be asking how much you spent on it anyway.

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Ok. I'll complain about my paycheck this year. (I'm advisory not consulting) the point of this thread is the ring situation guy's.

She says she only buys 24 Ct because that's the real gold. But reading up it says that those are really soft and damage easy. As for not buying one at all - that's risky. Even if it's a scam, it's the norm. I'm not going to be the asshole that deprived her of that if she really wanted it.

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Somehow "respect for culture" means spending thousands on thousands of dollars so that judgmental family members lay off of them. I'll consider it my duty to help get as many people out of medieval times as possible.

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Let me add -- 24k is a stupid investment. That crap will bend, dent, lose shape, scratch. It might sound great to have in concept, but it'll look like piece of junk in no time. Surely you've seen in movies how gold gets "validated" by someone biting into it and leaving teeth marks?? Ya, that's what you'll be getting..

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You know what they say, 3 year's salary.

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Here's some red flags for you OP: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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After tax

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@slalom condolences to the man that was conned into marrying you.

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That's still a rip off after tax unless you're putting like 20% in to a 401K. And maybe ask the Chinese girl in question without giving yourself away?

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It's is a total racket perpetuated by the diamond market, get what you think she'd like, not too small not overly huge (unless that's what works for you). I, for example, spent $7k when I made $50ish k right out of college. Wow....that was a good sales back then lol. White/yellow/platinum is personal choice, depends what she likes.

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Who even buys a yellow gold engagement ring? That is the tackiest thing I have ever heard of...platinum all the way, durable and classic

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Thank goodness the rock my wife really wanted was a granite kitchen counter top. Diamonds are such a bs waste of money.

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Thanks everyone for the insight and entertaining personal attacks. I've probed her and researched. I feel comfortable getting 18k rose gold 1/2 Ct Tiffany. $4k. Done deal.

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The rule is 3 months pre-tax salary according to my friends.

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Oh here is from someone from the same side of the 🌎. All gold at least the trusted stores sell 24k. That means 22k gold 2k hardening metal like platinum or copper etc. Now in order to get this skip 🇺🇸 💎 stores. Check Tiffany if they have or go for 💎ring and a gold wedding band. If she is Chinese by DNA and by culture she is conservative and frugal to an extent. Immediate gratification will lapse and buyers remorse will set in on spending so much when it could have been put aside for buying a house in good area. So personally I would not let $ dictate your purchase but try and use 50%of your net +|- a % as a budget. She will appreciate your head being screwed on right on the shoulders.

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