Need good (sound) advice.

I recently met with an old classmate/friend that I hadn't seen in around 2 years. I'm worried that the loss of a close family member, the pandemic, and some professional struggles have pushed them to substance abuse. It was pretty evident that they were on something and the past few times that we've talked over the phone the topic has come up (that they're going to clean up soon)


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Say, “hey, you mentioned that you’re planning to get clean soon. Just want to let you know I’m here for you.” Be as specific as possible: “I’m happy to listen if you ever want to talk/help research treatment centers or therapists/hit up an AA/NA meeting with you.” Obviously don’t offer anything you’re not fully prepared to act on. Under no circumstances should you offer or agree to give financial support, a loan, etc. Once you’ve made an open offer to support their recovery, don’t bring it up again. And be prepared to say goodbye to the friendship if they don’t choose recovery. Things can go south fast and addicts can be very manipulative and destructive, even if they’re good people. Watch out for yourself above all.


This is the answer.


I understand your concern for your friend, but they aren’t going to change until they are ready to change. You voicing your disapproval likely won’t move the needle. Truth is, your friend is probably already dealing with guilt and shame so you wouldn’t be telling them anything they don’t already know.

If that’s a dealbreaker for your friendship, then you detach with love. You can’t help people who aren’t ready to be helped.


I disagree. You should voice your concerns and see what you can do to help. Them obviously using something they shouldn’t and you not saying anything will just seem like you don’t care. They probably know it’s wrong but need help to kick the habit.

If you have time, maybe you can take your friend out on more activities to distract. Sometimes people turn to substances to fill a void so if you try to at least temporarily put something there, it may help a bit?


I like this suggestion, I think this may help.

Get them to a psychedelic therapist if you can. If they're abusing drugs, they'll be into it. And the therapy is incredibly effective according to the pioneering research.


It might not be best to outright disprove/lecture them at first since you haven’t met for a couple of years. Maybe start off by voicing your concern and offer them support in their recovery. If that doesn’t work, then you can disconnect with love.

Like what Director1 said, your friend has to want to recover and put in the effort. Moral support in their surroundings play a key role.


I haven't been able to figure out what's best, so when the conversation has hit the "I'm going to sober up and start applying for bigger roles" I keep telling them that it would be a good idea to get cleaned. And to do it whenever they're ready. I've been supportive and reminding them that a lot of people care and would be willing to help.

This is a friendship that I value and I don't think I'm ready to let it go. I also don't think that letting go of the friendship is what they need. It may even be worse for them.

I really wish I could do something but I keep thinking, like some comments on here, that I can't make them make a choice. It seems like a waiting game, until they're ready to do something for themselves.

I just keep thinking that I don't want to be someone that knew about it and didn't do anything before things get worse. This is a good person with a long bright future, at least that's what I've always thought.


For background - They used to be very social and well liked. On occasion, they partied a bit hard in college. This is someone that was very helpful and super cool with me and got me in their circle. That made my last year in college a totally different experience. I ended up making a bunch of friends from this relationship and I really liked this person.

I honestly don't k how what to do. Part of me wanted to meet to disprove my concerns. Now I know that my concerns were valid. I just don't know how I can help.

I don’t have much experience in this but all I can say is disapproval won’t work. You just have to be supportive and help them with certain things. Like if they’ve said they’re gonna get help, you can be like do you want me to research some places ? Wishing him all the best

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