{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Need some advice: \nBoss and Partner came into town for two days last week. Most people got drunk, I did not, as I had 3 drinks over the 5 hours we were at dinner and then at the cigar bar. \nPartner just kept saying he missed his family and couldn't wait to get home. Pretty great to see. \nMy Boss, (Senior Manager) made an inappropriate comment which I acted like I didn't hear and then I quickly left after that (I am quite aware I should have firmly put up my boundary right then and there)\nNext...", "post_id": "615b04e845b5d50029042da8", "reply_count": 146, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Need some advice: Boss and Partner came into town for two days last week. Most people got drunk, I did not, as I had 3 drinks over the 5 hours we were at dinner and then at the cigar bar. Partner just kept saying he missed his family and couldn't wait to get home. Pretty great to see. My Boss, (Senior Manager) made an inappropriate comment which I acted like I didn't hear and then I quickly left after that (I am quite aware I should have firmly put up my boundary right then and there) Next...

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I am a female MD - This is what I’ve learned in my 12 years in consulting at Accenture; workplace harassment (sexual, bullying, and hostile work environment) has gone unreported (by me included) - Because it’s been made a “norm” not to report it and make up our own excuses. If we don’t speak up when we don’t feel comfortable this culture will continue and it will be passed down to the next generation and so forth and felt as acceptable to let it continue. I took a stance a year ago and reported an MD who was bullying me and many others in my practice, everyone just swept it under the rug and said “that’s just him”. The opened up an entire investigation interviewing dozens of people where it came about how bad it really was.

likesmart

I was at Citi this past year and I had to leave due to hostile work environment. I did report to HR and I went on mental health leave for 4 months. When I came back there was no resolution and HR was still "investigating". There was no change in the environment and then I decided to leave eventually. I still have nightmares from that experience

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First i am so sorry that you went through such horrible and traumatizing experience. Obviously no one is in your shoes can decide what’s the best action. I can only share with you that I hope you report his ass. Most of the abuse us women went through remained hidden for a long time because the sick culture scared us of from consequences of standing up to them. Think about all the future girls he could abuse if not reported and not facing the consequences of his abuse. The more we unite and take care of each other, the safer we can make our environment for ourself and the future females. One way to look at it if he has done this before and was reported, he may have not give himself permission to violate your privacy. You will not lose your job this is their sick mind game they played to prevent us from reporting their asses. HR takes things very serious. His ruined future is not your responsibility, your own safety is. Things can only get better if we truly defend our rights. No matter what your decision is I send you a giant virtual hug and hope that you know HE is the one violated your right, he is an abuser. Lots of love ❤️ let me know if you needed to talk to a stranger . I’m here for you.

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Ok, I called the partner and had a long discussion. Went into full details about each moment and my fears about bringing this up and how that could impact my career. He did let me know this will need to be escalated to HR, and to please trust the process. He said if we are ever going to change the culture, then each party needs to fully do their part and that includes the person who needs to do the reporting. I am hoping the support continues and I will update when I know more for all the people asking.

likeupliftinghelpful

Good for you… remain strong… practice self care during and after the process. VENT as needed💕💕💕

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Cont... Next Day, during a working session, our other coworker left the room to smoke and he grabbed my hip and asked me to sit on his lap. I said No. To which he was completely shocked. Mentioned the OPA he gave me earlier this year and the promotion I am up for. Asked if I wasn't attracted to him. He then profusely apologized and said my promotion would not be jeopardized because he made a mistake. Reminded me he would be ruined and would lose everything if I told anyone. Can I hear experiences of people who have reported and who have not? I am nervous to report and nothing will happen, because he didn't actually force me to do anything. I am a single mom and feel like no matter what I do, I could lose my job and/or my promotion.

likesmart

If you don’t report him, you won’t have done everything in your power to prevent him from doing this to someone who isn’t comfortable saying no to him…

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I don’t have an answer, but I’m really upset that happened to you. It’s always easy to tell someone to report, but as someone who has gone to HR and felt things weren’t resolved well and as someone raised by a single mom, I get why you aren’t sure that’s your path. I’d reach out to your EAP to talk to a neutral party/mental health professional and avoid rushing into a decision either way. That said, also type this all up while the memory is fresh and email it to your personal email account. Hang in there and do not believe for a second the blame sits with anyone but him.

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M1 is right. If you decide to report it you will still have verbal alibi that you spoke to people right after the incident which in itself is a type of evidence

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I have an update... He was let go... I'm having a wide range of emotions and have been crying most of the morning. I am in shock because I wasn't expecting to be taken seriously or for anyone to believe me, let alone stand up for me and reassure me I did nothing wrong. I am filled with so much pride for the company I work for. I also feel like I just ruined someones life, someone I previously had so much respect for and absolutely loved working with. When I think about the whole situation with him as a person and myself, I have so much guilt. However, when I view the situation if it were two random people, I feel Deloitte did the right thing by not tolerating it, and I am so grateful! I wanted to share a little hope with you all.

likeupliftingsmart

That’s so great to hear, OP. If you want to pay it forward, email that to her management.

likehelpful

YES absolutely report it. Times have changed and companies know they need a zero tolerance position on sexual harassment. There are also laws about NO backlash on the accuser. OP please check back in and let us know what you did and how it went.

likesmart

That’s a good point on the flip side. Damn, I guess there could be a lose-lose scenario, which is just so frustrating given that the hypothetical me did nothing wrong 😑

likesmart

I’d consider saying something to the partner instead of HR.

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No no no. It’s been my experience when telling the partner that a director did x. The partner behaved supportive just to turn it around. I got hr involved but got the boot. Went the legal route and was told nothing can be done without evidence of x. I say lawyer first find out what you need to prep for hr talk and only go to hr after you’ve spoken to an employment lawyer and have been prepped by your lawyer.

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Hi going through something similar where MD was being completely inappropriate with me. Just initially spoke to HR like 5 mins ago and they seem to be taking it very seriously. I haven’t given the MD’s name yet, very scared of implications. Have been working with this guy for a year now and this was out of character, so that’s why I’m hesitating. But still, shouldn’t have happened

likeuplifting

Ok try now

I reported my boss at D for harassment a few years ago. I did not go to HR but chose to tell someone I trusted. They looped in the project partner after I agreed, and the case was handled exactly as I wanted. I will forever be grateful to these two men. Happy to chat with you, and I’m sorry you went through this

likeuplifting

Without a witness, they are unluckily to issue a reprimand to him. When that does happen, my experience is the organization begins to target you as a whistleblower. It’s entirely unlawful, but it’s what happens. Your performance will be scrutinized.

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I don’t have a personal experience but the ones I heard of from close friend they fired his ass!

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You may not have been the first person he has spoken to in this manner. Depending on his history, this may trigger an investigation internally.

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I’ve been thinking about your post for the last 24 hours. Seeing that you took action made me emotional. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but so proud of your courage to bring this forward and so happy to hear that you were comfortable enough to go to the Partner and that he is supporting you.

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Hi OP, this thread makes me sad. Sad that we’ve come so far as professionals and yet have to face these disgusting challenges. It happened to me when I was a staff, and the guy was a manager. I married young and my husband and I lived apart at the time (whatever, marital status doesn’t matter) and was married as a staff, the manager I was going to a training with said I’m too young to be married. He asked me if he could kiss me and if I could go up to his hotel room. I had no idea why he thought I would be interested in him, I said no and left. That was the end of it. He’s now a SM. I never brought this up with HR. I think as women we are sometimes conditioned to think certain things are acceptable only bc it “didn’t happen”. Like “oh he only asked me to sleep with him, didn’t force it on me” - and that’s so sick. I totally understand where you’re coming from but I don’t know if HR is the answer but someone has to know. It could be the partner, could be anyone who has some degree of power to do something to this individual. Hugs to you mama ❤️

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I completely echo what EY1 said, I’m really sorry this happened and I understand it’s really hard to decide what to do next. I’m interested to hear other experiences, as I have seen a number of times posts here about reporting harassment to HR and then never hearing back, (assuming the person got reprimanded but nothing much beyond that).

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I reported. HR supported. Also talked to the Partner in my practice and he supported me to report and the natural course to follow. Other numerous incidents found. He was a Partner and I heard SBI his quiet exit! Do report as the same will happen to other colleagues otherwise!

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So. When I worked at Salesforce I had a friend/colleague report inappropriate after-hours text messages from an RVP. She brought it up to her leadership first (below him) who chastised her for using her personal cell for work (Salesforce gives that option and will pay for your phone plan). It eventually got escalated through Employee Success and I believe he’s not with the company anymore, however there was retaliation first with moving her territory and not allowing her previously-allowed remote work. All of it ended up being too much for her and she left the company before it was rectified and they lost an extremely talented employee. Her career has since done well. I say that because Salesforce is a far more progressive company than Deloitte is, and it still didn’t go in her favor. Please consult a lawyer before doing anything to determine the best way to go about this, and if anything happens, you have a referral at Accenture.

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Appreciate you sharing the experience!

Ladies I had a gentleman rub his penis across my back. I was seated and he came behind me. TWO gentleman saw it and asked WTH… I reported it and I was told HR could not use the input from. Contractors. I was rolled off the project earlier and nothing was done. I was at IBM at the time…

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That's absolutely disgusting. I am so sorry that it happened to you

I had a similar situation happen to me when I was a first year analyst. I didn’t report it because I was young and terrified it would ruin my career. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do but I probably wouldn’t have done anything differently.

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Is there an ethics hot line you can call? May be another Avenue

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I tried that and the internal investigations was, shall we say, deeply lacking. It was the 3rd random, non team member man that I had reported and they treated me like it was my problem. Let me tell you, I had insanely rigid work boundaries in a toxic “family oriented” company and it wasn’t me.

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Report his ass: if they don’t promote you, you’d potentially have grounds re retaliation. Secondly these guys need to be reminded that shit like this does not go down anymore! I am angry for you. This and more happened to me early on in my career (I was young and thought it something you have to accept).Now, I’d put up a fight given this is mistreatment and someone is abusing their power. I’d journal these accounts with specific dates, also journal and document all conversations regarding promotion. Best of luck Op!

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Please report this to someone. Don’t accept the consequences for his terrible and inappropriate choices. If he’s done this to you he’s done it to others and will do so again in the future.

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