Need some advice:
Boss and Partner came into town for two days last week. Most people got drunk, I did not, as I had 3 drinks over the 5 hours we were at dinner and then at the cigar bar.
Partner just kept saying he missed his family and couldn't wait to get home. Pretty great to see.
My Boss, (Senior Manager) made an inappropriate comment which I acted like I didn't hear and then I quickly left after that (I am quite aware I should have firmly put up my boundary right then and there)
Next...

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YES absolutely report it. Times have changed and companies know they need a zero tolerance position on sexual harassment. There are also laws about NO backlash on the accuser.

OP please check back in and let us know what you did and how it went.

likesmart

That’s a good point on the flip side. Damn, I guess there could be a lose-lose scenario, which is just so frustrating given that the hypothetical me did nothing wrong 😑

likesmart

I am a female MD - This is what I’ve learned in my 12 years in consulting at Accenture; workplace harassment (sexual, bullying, and hostile work environment) has gone unreported (by me included) -
Because it’s been made a “norm” not to report it and make up our own excuses. If we don’t speak up when we don’t feel comfortable this culture will continue and it will be passed down to the next generation and so forth and felt as acceptable to let it continue. I took a stance a year ago and reported an MD who was bullying me and many others in my practice, everyone just swept it under the rug and said “that’s just him”. The opened up an entire investigation interviewing dozens of people where it came about how bad it really was.

likesmart

I was at Citi this past year and I had to leave due to hostile work environment. I did report to HR and I went on mental health leave for 4 months.

When I came back there was no resolution and HR was still "investigating". There was no change in the environment and then I decided to leave eventually.

I still have nightmares from that experience

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Please please report this for the sake of all other women at the company and for yourself. Please.

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Don't worry about retaliation and report him. It is important to report him so he is held accountable for his actions. Just know that you wouldnt know what type of consequences he would be faced with, but the the talent takes these types of reports very seriously.

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I reported early in my career and was heavily supported by HR and Legal. Did not share with leadership as the guy was a new hire so I didn’t know who had his back and who to trust. Worked out as he was questionable on a number of levels and ended up getting fired.

I encourage you to report to your partner - especially because he said something in the office and not “just” at an after hours event. But….definitely use your judgement - based on your comment about the partner missing his family, seems like he is an up and up guy, so it would be helpful to have him aware at least.

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Sorry, I didn't write it well. There was only one person who made the inappropriate comment and made the advance. The partner did absolutely nothing wrong. I brought him up to only show the start difference in interactions. The partner got drunk and missed his family. The other (my boss) was a complete sleaze bag.

Girl! Report it. I am deeply sad that you had to go through this. In my first role, I was harassed (chased, stalked, ambushed) and I went to a senior HR lady. Our firm had very few women. She advised that I don’t lodge a formal complaint for the sake of my career. I had considered lodging a police complaint but soon moved out of the company for a better role. I have been down the unsatisfying path of being silent. Don’t do it. You owe it to yourself and your kids.

In the short term, you’ll fee oenalised if the opportunities are snatched by you because of this ordeal. However, it will be so satisfying in the long run. The question is - how to not lose your voice and your promotion. Rally up the senior forces who would support you. HR is typically useless. Gather partners on your side. Confide and push this Creep of a man out. He deserves to be punished and you don’t question yourself. You are powerful KNOW THIS. Don’t let him take this power away from you

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Report it. You want it on your file. Document everything - dates, times, locations, people in attendance. Just remember that HR’s job is to protect the company’s reputation, not necessarily your well-being. Report it. I wish I did.

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Are you okay? DM me if you feel comfortable talking more. I will listen.

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I’m not saying this is good advice, but I personally would not feel confident in HR or management, as they always protect the people who make the most money for them/superiors. Unless there is rock hard evidence that he transgressed, it’s just too risky. I personally just wouldn’t say anything if I knew he scared himself enough to leave me alone for good. I would just completely ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. However, if he would continue harassing you, all you can do is switch teams casually or report

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Good on you for talking to the partner! If it’s not handled, I recommend calling the integrity line. I reported an SM who had been racist, abusive and threatening to several new hires who were afraid of reporting but told me about it. I encouraged them to report but they were terrified of tanking their careers. She then made comments about how fat I was (I was pregnant) and a few other inappropriate comments, which opened the door for me to report myself and mention the “hearsay” harassment. By that time the Cs who had been harassed were off her project and felt safe enough to talk to Integrity. She was let go several months later.

The folks at integrity were professional, thorough and discreet. They gave me assurances that if I experienced blowback I could contact them and it would be addressed without affecting me. I was very scared to take it on, but impressed with the experience.

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My best friend reported hers and while HR took it seriously and he was ultimately fired, most male ppmds still won’t staff her years later for fear “Shes sensitive and She will take things out of context and report anything…”. She’s fortunate to have found great female leaders to work for and have continued to build her career, but there was a bias against staffing her by very aggressive male leaders.

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I have heard that line from a lot of male leaders when anyone complaints

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This is all so gross.. anyone else grateful that we’re mostly remote? I wonder how much companies are saving on paying out fewer harassment claims…

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I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's a terrible feeling and you would think that these men would get with the program already! Was the coworker having drinks with the group the night before? First, your boss needs to be set straight. I assume the inappropriate comment was of a sexual nature. Inappropriate comments in your presence (whether directed at you or another female) unfortunately still single one out as 'less than'. If your coworker was there, he may have thought that since the boss was unprofessional, he could try it too. Either way, it's a difficult situation you don't deserve. I agree with others that you should document both experiences in detail and share it with someone you trust. I don't know if it's right for you, but here's my suggestion (and I've had to do this myself). I would tell the boss you were uncomfortable with his comment and that you expect there won't be a repeat performance. State it as a fact, unemotionally so you keep the upper hand and prevent him from getting defensive. Do the same for the coworker. Keep it simple and direct and don't say much more, let them sweat it out. I wouldn't trust HR , but I like the idea someone gave of EAP. Is there a Diversity and Inclusion manager you trust there? Watch for improvement and if you don't see it, transfer to a more progressive group. I wish you well and that you try not to internalize this too much, you don't need to own this...some people are just idiots.

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Both the inappropriate comment and the advance were from the same person. Also, I definitely did say Non and that I was not ok with this type of mistake and to not let it happen again.

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I would call the partner and say I plan to call the hotline in the morning but wanted to make you aware as a courtesy.

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Proud of you OP for speaking out, and so sorry this happened to you. The fear of retaliation and people not believing is very real. ❤️

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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE report this to HR and/or the ethics hotline! They have a legal obligation to investigate and take appropriate action. Even if it does not seem like anything is happening you reporting this will protect your job and prevent him from having any decision making ability in regards to your promotion. This is obviously sexual harassment and is creating a hostile work environment for you. Document every interaction with him and with HR/anyone touching this case.

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First i am so sorry that you went through such horrible and traumatizing experience. Obviously no one is in your shoes can decide what’s the best action. I can only share with you that I hope you report his ass. Most of the abuse us women went through remained hidden for a long time because the sick culture scared us of from consequences of standing up to them. Think about all the future girls he could abuse if not reported and not facing the consequences of his abuse. The more we unite and take care of each other, the safer we can make our environment for ourself and the future females. One way to look at it if he has done this before and was reported, he may have not give himself permission to violate your privacy. You will not lose your job this is their sick mind game they played to prevent us from reporting their asses. HR takes things very serious. His ruined future is not your responsibility, your own safety is. Things can only get better if we truly defend our rights.
No matter what your decision is I send you a giant virtual hug and hope that you know HE is the one violated your right, he is an abuser.
Lots of love ❤️ let me know if you needed to talk to a stranger . I’m here for you.

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I reported a similar scenario (a client, who was close with our CEO) asked me to sit on his lap at a work event while insinuating that I was too young for my position and calling himself sanda. I have ZERO regrets about it.

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So gross!!!

I recently spoke to HR about something inappropriate that happened at work (it wasn't anywhere near as bad as what you described). Because it wasn't as bad (just some slightly inappropriate remarks basically) and it came from several people across the org, I didn't name the people in question at first and just described what happened.
It might be a good way to test the waters with HR? Just to address it in general without naming the people involved, just to see how they react? You're in a less vulnerable position then because you've not named a particular person (yet) but you did address it and put a paper trail to it. Might be a good first step in combination with speaking to a lawyer.

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This is a difficult situation. You mentioned that you’re a single mom — I would get my ducks in a row first. If you choose to report then speak to an attorney first. Was it the first time your direct supervisor was inappropriate ? Document every time you can remember so you can build a casé, and see what an attorney says.

If you’re reporting to an SM I’m guessing you’re up for SM? If so, your network should be pretty good — can you find someone to backfill you and get on another project? Weigh whether this is worth it given how close we are to the end of the performance year.

In short, move strategically and weigh the options. If you want a promo at D and this SM is the barrier then maybe report anonymously so that it’s logged and if the promo doesn’t happen you have an instance to point to. If you report outright have a plan for potential retaliation. The job market is hot so you could probably find a job quickly.

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We have an ethics hotline at Deloitte - absolutely report him. You can even do it anonymously if you are more comfortable. This is completely wrong and D won’t stand for it. He will do it again to you or someone else if not.

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It’s so gross how common this is, I had this happen too.

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MRC1 Thank you for sharing your experience.

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I had similar thing happen with witnesses (several incidents same person) and HR said it was a “misunderstanding” on my part. Not at my current company.

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