Need some advice.. Dad and in-laws had a very awkward Mahr conversation, with MIL to be phoning people and saying how great her son is etc. Making me question this whole marriage decision.. should I discuss with with fiancé directly? We have never talked about money/ about his family’s behaviour worried about how to make it productive. This happened couple of weeks ago and we pretended like nothing happened. Goal is to understand his mindset, less so about what happened or the $$ amount

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Best to talk now so you’re comfortable knowing their mindset rather than finding out a few years later. However, it’s a sensitive issue so it also depends on how well and how long you have known the guy

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Communication is key, this is the person you are trying to spend the rest of your life with. All that embarrassment and shyness needs to go out the door. Say what you need to say, and inshaAllah if you are loved, they'll understand. If not, you dodged a bullet. Plus, mahr is strictly decided by the bride and should stay between husband and wife

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Def talk to him! Better to be on the same page esp so that this issue doesn’t get any bigger and so that therr isnt any resentment later on!

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Mahr is kinda outdated concept since most women work now, I’m surprised people still discuss it openly. I don’t think it should change how you think about someone. If he’s offering less than what you’d expect it doesn’t mean he thinks that’s your worth - the concept of putting a value on a bride is blatantly wrong and sexist anyways tk begin with. Most men do not view it that way. As a married man i viewed it more or less as a administrative aspect of our marriage. If you’re having discussions about it, my personal opinion is that you’re far too early in a relationship to be having money disagreements that can boil over later. Just my two cents.

Only sharing my experience / opinion here, not claiming it is right or wrong.

Brother here, married for about 10 years now Alhamdulillah. I see / understand Mahr as pretty much a formality. When I got married, my father suggested a $11k Mahr - and my wife / her parents didn't really say much except "sounds good". Honestly the Mahr is not something you would plan any long term financial well being or security around.

More important than the Mahr, the couple should talk about how they see their financial future together - do both want to work? does one save money for a down payment? when do they want to buy a house and where? are both OK with moving around the country or does one need to stay near family always? does one want kids soon versus later? what are acceptable average monthly expenses / credit card bills based on average income? And so on. Those are the real issues. Mahr is a formality (albeit an important one). Here is an article I thought might convey this point better than I could - https://medium.com/muslim-woman/the-mahr-in-islam-e52ddf48195

Not sure which part is bothering you, but you shouldnt feel suppressed from intervening in anything that doesnt sound right to you. Its your marriage after all.

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