Need some insight — I’ve been talking to a guy who is pretty cool and we vibe well. It’s still early stages so nothing serious, but sometimes I can’t tell if he’s being self-centered in conversation or just trying to impress me. What are some indicators I should be looking for and is there a good way I can raise this with him? For context, he definitely expresses interest in me and my opinions, but he’s often one driving the conversations and we end up mostly talking about topics he brings up.

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Do you try to bring up topics or are you generally quiet?

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Great question — I’ve tried to pay attention to that. He seems to be genuinely impressed with some of my achievements and experiences, so I don’t think he engages in the “one-upping” (I personally hate when people do that). He will sometimes react in a way that seems like he’s trying to relate, if that makes sense?

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How long has it been? I think it’s a very small red flag and something to watch out for. Does he ever ask you questions?

Maybe try to redirect the conversation back to your topics and see how it goes?

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4-5 months. It’s been casual.

He will ask me questions, like if we’re talking about something he brought up he’ll be like what do you think of that, or what are your thoughts on X, Y, Z? I guess sometimes I wish he’d explore my answers more and try to dig a little deeper, but I also can get very deep into certain topics whereas I understand other people might not or it just might not be appropriate yet given the infancy of this whole thing (wouldn’t even call it a relationship yet).

Does he ask follow up questions when you start talking about something or someone unrelated to you or him? Or is it just the one question directed at you, you respond, and then he just shifts the focus back on himself?

Like, let’s say you just had dinner with a friend, Maria:
Him: “Hey how was your dinner?”
You: “Good! Maria was saying she’s thinking of quitting her job, but I think she should stick it out a bit longer”
Him: “Oh nice, yeah I think I might go to the gym later but I’m also feeling sore from last week. I ran like 10 miles and forgot to bring water and also my knee’s been acting up”

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😂 okay I feel that. I’m going to keep an eye out and maybe call him out next time he does it and see how he reacts. It’s also a bit of a complicated situation, but I totally agree 4-5 months is generally a decent enough amount of time for these things to start sorting out

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Do you try to bring up the topics? If you bring up the weather does he automatically change the subject to politics? And I don't think this is self centeredness. I went out with a guy who would ask me a question and then while I was in the middle of answering, would cut me off to talk about himself. Like he was only asking the question so he could talk. That lasted one date.

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