Need tips for working with a super insecure coworker - needs praise, is threatened by others' ideas. Tries to be sole line of contact to partner and won't delegate. Then moans about hrs worked.

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AS1 - Truly appreciate your response. In my situation, bc of the insecurity, there is some backstabbing. She even told me that she is constantly positioning, she wants to be seen as the top dog. Thoughts on how to handle the constant positioning - I'm not sure the partner has caught on yet and wonder if I'm seen as a slacker bc I'm not droning on about work load and am a "nose to the grindstone" person. I'm here to work, not play games. She has resorted to giving me tongue lashings when she feels I have "gone around" her (we're equals....). I've dealt with those head on, but am tiring of the drama. Any additional thoughts?

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I am like this to a certain extent. Honestly, it’s not something i can control. I’ve insecurity issues - professionally and personally. It’s not the feeling I want for myself - always comparing myself to others and feeling short, always feeling like a failure, having to rely on other people’s approval to feel valued. Trust me, it’s not fun. While I recognize these things and i can tell myself a 100 times that I don’t need anyone to tell me how good I am, the truth is that it is much harder to implement it. So, may be just try praising them a bit more. May be just acknowledge their work and their help and their hours. When they do they feel threatened, have a cup of coffee with them and tell them that other people’s ideas or delegating to other people does not diminish their own value. They probably just want to feel needed and valued.

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Lol at “positioning”. Do your best work and the people up top will very quickly see who is legitimate. Delivery is what matters at the end of the day. A great leader doesn’t always need to be at the forefront. A great leader looks at their team and empowers the pieces on that team to accelerate for a common goal

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Well you could always go the head games route. People like that are insanely easy to mess with. You just have to play up their paranoia. That being said, dealing with that level of drama usually works itself out. Just keep an eye out for yourself.

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I wish I knew. I work with a co-senior who is the same

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AS1 - I want to thank you too for your honesty and openness. I think first reactions from a lot of people (I’m guilty too at times) is that others are oblivious to how they are perceived by others. That’s not true, you come on and say “yeah I get it, I’m trying to change” and that is a much more grown up angle. Lord knows I have many areas I need to improve and I’m probably in the opposite camp. Instead of insecure, I’m probably overconfident thinking I can do more than I can, also not always healthy. Hang in there, we are all human 👍

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I’m this way. But I keep telling myself “comparison is the #1 killer or happiness”. Everyone is on their own journey and gets things done in their own way/time. Good luck!

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Do we have same manager:)?

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Screw the advise about praising her. You're equals, you shouldn't play into her formula. You should work to have silos where you don't overlap. Stay out of each other's business.

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OP - I think it seems more of an issue of team work with her also. I’m insecure, but I also recognize that I need the team to get through a job and can’t do it all by myself. God knows I’ve tried - I’ve been the “of course I can do that by tonight” which has resulted in personal satisfaction & recognition, but also burning out. Your hours will reflect to the partner whether you are a slacker or not. If your hours are good, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, even if she has way more hours. Also, consider keeping all communication via email and copy someone above you if at all possible. Or, perhaps talk to SM and see if they can help distribute workload and set guidelines on who is responsible for what. Finally, stay out of drama or saying anything that could be used against you. You might be defending yourself, but if the person is manipulative, they can turn it around on you in no time.

Praise her & constantly ask her for advice/opinions/input, and phrase your suggestions/thoughts as questions instead of statements- so it’s something she can consider instead of being threatened by. Focus on maintaining the relationship with your partner but also go out of your way to demonstrate areas where she is lacking- ie, delegate, really focus on building up your staff/team, train them until they are singing your praises. She will be encouraged to start doing the same out of jealousy, which will help her learn to delegate more at the very least, even if it doesn’t make her particularly fond of you. Try to express your own vulnerabilities (not big ones- don’t give her room to hurt you) so she feels more comfortable/open with you. Be very open during scheduling calls about what is on your plate and make sure that your partner sees you requesting certain projects. Mention wanting to broaden your skill set, and ask her if she’ll let you “senior” a project where she has taken a particularly strong skillset for to “learn from her.”

Thanks all. These insights are very helpful!

Agree with KPMG 1 and PwC 1. @Manager OP, stay true to yourself. Her insecurities shouldn’t be affecting you, or you’ll end up just as insecure as she is. If the partners/upper management are unable to see your contributions and their judgements are clouded by hers, that’s it. It’s the merit that matters. Btw, are you the only victim out of this?

KPMG2 - Currently, we are a team of 2 on a special project. So, yes, I am the only one effected at the moment. More staff to be added soon, so it will be interesting to see how things play out.

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