Need to vent. We had our first and the in-laws stay every weekend to help. I know I’m so lucky to have their support but the lack of space is driving me insane. It’s already been going on for months

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Talk to your husband and tell him that you want to work on finding a routine that is sustainable for the three of you. Then, sit down together and talk to your in-laws. Ask your husband to tell them that you want to have some space to figure out how to parent when it is just the three of you. Reenforce that you value and will continue to need their support to help you and give you breaks and that you want to continue to have them build their own relationship with their grandchild. Have your husband explain the boundaries you want to set. Maybe that is having them stay once a month. Maybe that is bringing baby to their house on Fridays or Saturdays for a few hours so you can have a date night. Tell them they are welcome to come next weekend, but the weekend after, the three of you are going to be out of town for a change of scenery. Arrange to visit a friend. Get an AirBnb and explore a nearby city. Just break the cycle. Then tell them that you want to institute the new schedule when you get back. Tell them you expect your needs to change as your baby grows and you really want to work with them to keep them engaged while building strong parenting skills and the immediate family bonds. Then, don’t be afraid to ask for more/less help in the future as they demonstrate the willingness to continue to support and the ability to support your by respecting boundaries. You should have to tolerate being in your own space EVERY weekend! And, I agree with the post above about taking a girls trip if it’s going to take a few more weeks to institute a new norm.

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For me having guests is more stressful than the childcare. Speak up now.

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Get your husband on board first. The he needs to deal with his parents. I would lose my mind if there were people (any sort) at my house all weekend. Especially after working all week, I would want to just spend time and cuddle with my baby.

I would set up good boundaries now so that the resentment does not fester and irreparably damage your relationship with his parents.

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I think D1 covered all the points beautifully but what I found useful was getting some me time everyday they were here, things like: went to yoga class, scheduled a massage, sent hubby and PIL out for brunch while I relaxed solo. Eventually PIL also started looking for things to do while they visited, like take in a show or movie. That left the three of us together for some much deserved cuddle time or just a breather.

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I brought it up to husband but he doesn’t want to lose the free childcare on the weekends. I get it, we get to sleep in and be baby free for a while, but at some point we have to face the music and be parents 100% of the time. I also suggested directly to in-laws that they not come every single weekend but they don’t get the hint. I’m already sensing my resentment building but am going to try to hold out until the baby turns 1...

When do you have time to yourself?! Working and then having guests on the weekend with a new baby? Yikes! You have to stop this or you’ll go crazy. If he doesn’t want to stop, take a weekend girls trip. Ha!

What is it about the in laws visiting that truly bothers you? What makes it fell like lack of space? (Small apartment, have to adapt to their dietary or tv preferences, can’t lounge around in pjs, have to do extra laundry of their linens....) I’m wondering if it’s something more specific that can be addressed.

Oh that last point is so true. My MIL stayed with us for 4 mos when we had our first, and my husband basically did not become a father until she left.
However, I will say that when we had our second, I was way more thankful to have the help, especially because our first was 2 yrs old and needed a LOT of attention.
Is this whole weekend arrangement sustainable for the long term? Meaning are they going to move away or something? If this is going to be long term, agreed you definitely need to find a solution that works, not just for the 3 of you but the 5 of you. And without burning bridges because you may still need their help in the future.

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