Need your thoughts :) A very close relative (uncle, aunt) who have been living in US since past ~30 yrs are planning a wedding for their son in US. They’re expecting all close relatives to travel to US to attend the wedding. We are finding it very difficult to get even the visa slots for our parents in India, but again the travel fee, insurance will be very expensive. Having an event in India (just a party) will be very convenient to all, but may not be so for our relatives.

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Pretend your parents are DYING to go and then blame it on not getting visa appointments like oh darn what to do now. Easiest out

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Yea it sounds super annoying. But I think some people (ie your relatives) may see this behavior as showing your family how important they are to them, and how much it really matters to them that your family attends. Given the divorce it may also be their way of making a public statement of support for your family. Everyone knows that the wedding will proceed without your family’s presence - this is just the dance that precedes it to (presumably) make your family feel important and good.

If it matters to you to not offend relatives who are so close, don’t call it out like you’re not planning to attend. Agree with A1 - You can play along and say you’re really trying hard to get a visa slot. Pretend you’re speaking to an agent. And then lie low for a while not drawing attention to it. Closer to the wedding let them know that the visa appointment didn’t work out. Agent couldn’t help. It’s a white lie.

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Some of our relatives brought this upto our US relatives, but they feel they have travelled to India to attend all weddings and spent money. So why can’t others do the same for their son?

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Spending 2000$ on a ticket when you are earning in US isn’t same when you are earning in India. If all the relatives are in india, it makes sense to do it in india. Also for your uncle aunt, their money would go a long way in india.
Getting visa date is also difficult. If your parents don’t want to go, use this as a leverage.

BTW Do they really want people to come to their son’s wedding or not.

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I am clueless to provide any helpful suggestion for the family dynamics but the currency conversion usually favors India rupees. So, even though your uncle and aunt attended all the weddings in India, it probably is less expensive than folks from India traveling to US to attend wedding. Also, American Indian weddings don’t pay for the travel or stay so that’s additional cost on you. Overall, since it’s close family, it’s a very tough dynamics.

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Yes I feel the same. Also, they’re reasonably well off but most of our folks in India (though mostly/somewhat well-off themselves) won’t be able to afford this costly travel. Anyway their main expectation is from me and my parents to attend but my parents are old, diabetic and also emotionally drained (as much as I am, due to my divorce). How do I bring this upto my US relatives without causing any strain in ties - they are very demanding in general but they’re also our closest and most trusted relatives?

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Are majority of your family/relatives in India? Then it makes sense to keep the wedding there. But I can understand that they may have more friends here given their long stay in US. But I don’t think it is fair to demand that everyone come to US to attend the wedding. Maybe you can suggest they have a reception in India?

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Yes, but they prefer having it here in US.

Can’t either you or your parents represent at the wedding? They did choose to be present for your wedding when they also could’ve just not come.

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