New first year here. Worried that my attempt to set boundaries from the jump is about to backfire. I said no to a last second pro bono assignment late at night, asked for a one-day extension a week in advance (because I was going to be in all-day deps the days leading up to the proposed due date), and I said I’d be out of town for a dep that got moved to the week before Christmas. I’ve gotten good feedback on a lot of my work so far, but I’m incredibly scared I’m going to get a “talking to”

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Were you unavailable or did you just want to draw a line in the sand? I’m very accommodating the first 6 months I’m anywhere, or until my overlords acknowledge my talent and tell me I’ve exceeded expectations. Whichever happens first.

You’re not screwed but I do wonder if you pushed back out of necessity or just to make a point. The latter is much worse imo

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I was completely honest about everything. I’m too anxious to lie about availability lol

Instead of just saying “no,” do you give a reason? It should never be a flat out “no.” It should be “Thanks for reaching out, this seems so interesting. I would love to take this on but I have xyz that I need to finish by [deadline] so I wouldn’t be able to start on this request until [date] - any chance that would work? If not, so sorry I’m not available, but please do keep me in mind for the next opportunity.”

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Yep! For the last min late night thing I explained my circumstances and offered to hop on first thing in the AM; for the extension I explained that I’d be locked away all day and would have zero time to work on it; for Christmas my family lives in a rural area of a sparsely populated state where the nearest airport is hours away, you have to take a layover to get anywhere, and the only flights available are during business hours.

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Wow, this is so sad because it would be totally normal in nearly every other job to communicate about availability in the way that you have.

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That was a tech heavy firm

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Boundary setting is one thing. Being up front and honest about your lack of availability under completely reasonable circumstances is another. You did the right thing in all three of your examples.

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Agree with this

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Nobody cares about pro bono. And explaining that you’ll be in dep preps is fine.

Were you actually going to be out of town the week before Christmas? Saying no to work on 12/20, for example, might be a little sketchy.

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Yeah but how long before Christmas has the dep been pushed back to? Like p1 said, 12/20 is a bit sketchy, 12/23 would have been more understandable. 12/27 would have been fair game as many people travel for Christmas and stay till the new year.

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I’ve been doing something similar, and absolutely dreading my performance review

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YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. SET YOUR BOUNDARIES.

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In all seriousness I’m a mid level and I wish I had done this from day one. My friends who did are in a much better place than I am rn.

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You communicated conflicts well. There’s no problem with that. The issue is when people go to their friend’s birthday dinner on a Wednesday during a multi-billion dollar closing (true story) - and don’t understand that sometimes you need to miss things. Being out of town the week before Christmas is extremely reasonable.

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Your fine. In fact, asking for an extension a week ahead of time puts you way ahead of the curve. Most internal deadlines have flex in them, but senior people plan around them. If you communicate ahead of time, you’ll generally get the extra time, or you’ll learn it’s not possible and need to plan accordingly. If people aren’t telling you your conflicts are a problem, it generally means they aren’t one.

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