👋🏻 New mom here. I’m seeing a lot of comments about parents opting for “no sleepover” rules. Is this because of Covid, or is this a new thing? I went to sleepovers all the time as a kid and just wondering what reasons beyond a case-by-case basis would be to have this rule? Not judging, just genuinely curious.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I grew up going to sleepover birthday parties and they were really the best parties. I have boys and sleepovers don’t seem to be a thing as much as they are for girls. Having said that, I’d be fine with my son going to a sleepover at the home of someone I’m comfortable with. Bad things can happen anywhere, at any given time. My kids know nobody touches their private parts and they don’t touch anyone else’s. I don’t scare my kids into thinking they can’t go to a friend’s house because something awful is going to happen to them. Kids have been molested by coaches. My kids still play sports. Kids have been molested by clergy. We go to church. Kids have been molested by teachers. My kids go to school. I’m very involved in my kids’ activities and school and I’m comfortable with our environment. Maybe that’s just me.

like

👆🏻 you don’t have to let your kids spend the night with coaches and teachers for them to be at risk. There just has to be an opportunity for them to be alone. Why for me the approach is less about trying to categorically limit certain experiences but more about having age appropriate conversations throughout adoslescence around what is and isn’t appropriate behavior and arming them with the tools to speak up.

like

I think it’s a good question and one where both sides aren’t without merit. To me it’s less about a blanket philosophy and about calculating on a case by case basis:

1) how old is my kid and how capable do I believe them being able to speak up in an uncomfortable situation
2) how well do I know the parents and other guests
3) have I confirmed there are not other adult guests present (eg other out of town family
Members present)
4) is my kid entirely comfortable with all of the above, but also savvy/emotionally mature enough to listen to their intuition when it comes to answering that question

like
Recent IconRecent

I never slept at others homes as a kid and I won’t allow my kids to go to sleep overs. Their friends can come hangout or sleep over at my house.
Not a risk I’ll take. I don’t trust others with the most precious things in my life. It’s my job to get my kids through childhood unscathed.

I’ll add these personal stories, because I want everyone reading this to protect your kids.
In grade 10 I slept over at my friends house with 3 other girls before a volleyball tournament. Her dad was very creepy. 5 years later he was arrested for child porn on his laptop and molesting two of his grandkids.
When I was 10 years old I was playing at my neighbor friend’s house(not a sleep over), and a couple kids and I were playing hide and seek with her uncle. He took me into a room and asked me to have sex with him. I didn’t even really know what that was. I was so scared and shaking. He stayed for like 10 of the longest minutes of my life talking to me about it and then went to another room and I ran outta the house and went home. I didn’t tell my mom. My mom asked my sister weeks later why I never went to the friends house anymore and she told her.
There have been other moments like this in my life. So I just want to say you really can’t trust ANYONE. You don’t know people, not truly.

likehelpful

So sorry you experienced those things. I absolutely agree. I’ve known people who you just would never ever think and the stories I’ve heard from people I’m very close with, it’s just terrifying there are people walking around that have not been caught and are just waiting for an opportunity.

like

Here’s a thought: Ask some of the now adults that were sexually abused as children and ask them what they wish their parents had done.

Personally I wish my mom had never let me go stay the night at friends or families houses bc I’m still dealing with the consequences of that as an adult. It’s great nothing happened to YOU but there are a lot of people you know where that wasn’t the case.

likesmart

My parents wouldn't let me sleep over at friends' houses growing up unless they were good friends with the parents. They didn't trust folks.

like

There’s a Facebook group I joined called “That Parent Group (with Cath Hakanson)” that has opened my eyes to the real risks present with sleepovers. Search for it there, and you’ll find numerous posts asking the same question with hundreds of responses.

Along the same lines as someone above, “nothing good or necessary happens in the night.” Not only is sleep sacred for growing bodies, it only takes a split second to have an accident take or impact the rest of their life. So, more than the very real risk of SA — MY biggest concern is not knowing how others will react in an emergency —

And the high potential of literal “children” (any under 18 included) to be up all night operating in “sleepover mode” and/or isolated during high risk / emergency moments — I do not trust / think it’s fair for them to shoulder that responsibility alone (and the repercussions / tragedy / trauma that *could* result).
…From pools, hot tubs, ovens, motorized vehicles, trampolines, other household features, etc (the stories of drowning, house fires from teenagers unsupervised, having an innocent accident then being too afraid of getting in trouble to wake up parent before too late are terrifying)…storage / safekeeping of medications, chemicals, firearms… locking doors, prevention of sneaking out…

Coupled with stories across the board of traumatizing exposure to porn @ young age, violence, adult content, dark content / beliefs, drugs (literally or discussions/videos), sex toys…

behavior of pets / how monitor with children… older siblings, children of any age that will be there, or other relatives/adults that will be coming/going…

Then add on technology abuse during unsupervised time (resulting in that exposure — or, there are many “pranks” that happen during sleepovers, especially in groups of several children, where pranks are played on each other. When you add in phones with cameras and Internet access, what may be funny in a small group, (or even hurt the feelings of someone in a small group), now can go worldwide and permanent, and you get cyber bullying concerns)…

You can’t bubble wrap them, and I’m truly not a helicopter parent (just new-ish mom that’s coached HS cheer / alumni advised a sorority, and married to a county felony prosecutor — with way too many horror stories) — but if merely one simple, blanket “no” rule can mitigate a landslide of risk…ONE…I think it may be the route we take.

like

I don’t let my kids sleep over anyone. If they want sleepovers it’s at my house.

like

I went to a lot of sleepovers as a kid/tween. And while nothing bad ever happened to me it was not a great environment for young girls. There is not a lot of supervision usually by sleeping time and we would play things like truth or dare, rating each other’s looks and bodies, peer pressure and other unkind things. Girls always ended up in fights and tears which led more drama. Perhaps it was my dysfunctional friend group but that’s a part of my hesitation. Plus I don’t need a cranky kid the next day because they got no sleep.

like

I used to work in the arena of child endangerment and abuse. My kids aren’t going on sleepovers. There are too many examples of “wow, never would have expected that guy, he was a beloved dad, deacon etc.” I understand that people may call me too protective but I actually don’t have many hills to die on. Kids overnight with no guardrails is just one I’m willing to die on. You might too if you’ve heard some of the stories I have.

like

I was never allowed to go sleepovers growing up and now that I’m a mom I fully understand. lol not everyone can be trusted. Unless I know the parents well, it’s likely a no for me. I might consider if it was at my house, though.

like

I personally won't allow my kids do sleep overs. There is no reason they need to sleep over a friends house or have a friend sleep over. Staying up late then going home is fine. There is too many issues that can happen during a sleepover so for me it's not allowed.

like

We had a “no sleepover with school friends policy”. This made it easy for my daughter. Otherwise it is hard for them to explain why they can go to sleepover at house A but not B. “Because your dad seems creepy”, isn’t something you want a 6 year old saying to another kid. We allowed sleepovers at close family friends and have made the rules much less strict in high school.

like

My son has had sleepovers, and we've hosted a good number of kids at our place for different reasons. I understand the concern, but also understand that times do come when children start to move away, be away. One way or another, they will be eventually without their parents. And risk, unfortunately, will always be there (I was molested as a child, while being at my parent's house)

For our son:
- we waited until he was good with communication, and knew that he'd share about uncomfortable situations (not the same)
- we've only considered this with families we know very well. I'm aware you can never really know anyone, so it's a subjective assessment that can go wrong. Still, it's one of the considerations. We not only look at whether they are "good people" but how they interact with their children. One time we didn't do a sleepover because parents, although really really nice people, would always bend to their child and find no fault on him. Not leaving my son there, he'd always be at a disadvantage.
- we have always followed his cue regarding whether he's interested or not, or has any reservations. For example, he has some friends with whom he's had many sleepovers. We know they have CRAZY bedtime rules, so we agreed that only on Fridays, since he'd need the weekend to readjust. But sometimes he'll just say he doesn't want to go since he wants a good night sleep. He's asked us to be the ones to say no, lol.

There's other considerations but want to say that now that he's 15, I think these experiences make me feel better about new experiences he's now having. Specifically, now he's part of a sports team and they sometimes have out of town events, where we are not going. He shares hotel with teammates, are in care of coaches. I think having been in sleepovers had helped him be prepared for the sort of relaxed rules environment, be able to in that environment make decisions about what he wants / should do, communicate with us about stuff that happens that may not be 100% what we would "approve" of which makes me comfortable in knowing I have a decent chance of knowing what actually happened. Like the relaxed bedtime thing with sleepovers... He knows this wouldn't fly in our place, but he knows from experience that he can talk with us about that happening, that we have walked with him in making good/better decisions under that context, etc. Now that he's older, these freer environments make me nervous, mostly, because he may have access to things like drugs. That scares me a lot. But I want him to have these experiences, he's loving them. And I feel that we've built a base on which he (a) may know how to address stuff with his teammates if they arise and (b) even if he struggles with that we'll have a high likelihood of knowing about it.

like

SM2 I don't remember exactly, but I think sleepovers started when he was around 7.

like

I used to go to sleepovers all the time when I was a kid. I’m open to it with certain close family members but at the end of the day, I have known several cases, of people who you would never expect to have been capable of doing things to kids. It’s the hard reality that things do happen right under our noses sometimes. Although I do not like to live in that fear, we have the responsibility as parents to call these shots and protect our kids

like

This isn’t new. I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers as a kid. My parents were afraid I’d be molested or worse.

I’d be comfortable hosting a sleepover with older kids, fully potty trained, whose parents I know well. Maybe work from there towards letting my kid go to someone else’s house someday. But it does make me nervous.

like

Not unless I know the parents very well and not until my child is old enough to communicate fully with me.

like

Lol - someone here feels bad for a ladies kids bc she doesn’t let them sleepover? Lol stop. I’m sure if we looked at your parenting skills we could find plenty to feel bad for your kids.

like

Everyone are tigar parents now. Even people who used to be laid back before COVID are now uptight.

My kid does not do play dates at anyone else's house because he doesn't want to be around the parents. He stays here and kids come to him.

like

I just don’t trust people. I think the trust isn’t there like it used to be. Honestly I think I was like 10 went I was allowed to sleep over at my friends house and my parents had to know the parents well before that happened.
I agree now. My husband and I have to know the parents really well or very close family members for sleepovers to happen

like

My kids have sleepovers all the time with all manner of kids. I trust them and their friends and their families.

like

What makes you so confidently trust ‘all manner of kids’ and their families?

like

Related Posts

like

Since Covid started, what’s the most memorable piece of content that you have seen? Mine has to be between Tiger King and The Circle. I never really was into reality TV but Somehow Netflix got me into it.

As a part of medical checkup for visa immigration to Australia what all tests will be done ?

like

Any recommendation for ties? Must have good quality, but not overpriced. It's for my father's birthday; he wears suits everyday.

like

Is it just me or does anyone else know or have an inclination that their employer committed fraud after receiving PPP loans during COVID pandemic?

like

Hi, I am a single-parent with a 9 year old daughter. Is anyone else dealing with same gender sleepovers with sexual exploration occurring? Exploring as in my daughter says outright “I am going to kiss you,” to her bestie before bed. Then after 15 minutes of giggling in bed I go to tell them to be quiet and see my daughter’s bestie is showing her buttcheeks to my daughter. To top it off they start trying to tell me they are laughing because they are reading “belly laugh books for kids”. Help.

How are COVID related layoffs being perceived? Are firms understanding given the idiosyncratic situation, or will a gap in your resume still be held against you?

like

If you’re a parent of young children, what do you do to unwind? Need a hobby besides work and my toddler...

like

HI Fish ,
After OL Accepted i requested to The HR for correction in Father Sure Name. I send the mail to Recruiter. Now Offer Letter is not showing in My ibegin portal. Recruiter telling me he working on it from starting. How many days will take for releasing the new offer ....Any Idea

like

Can anyone refer me to Citrin Cooperman TAS Senior NYC? 3 years Audit w/ Sr exp mid size niche private companies of international publicly listed parent Company, 2 Years Fed Tax Big 4, 1.5 Years Internal Audit healthcare, 1.5 years currently Self Employed Investing.

funny

Wondering if I should look into anxiety meds (or if I’m just a baby and need to get used to this life).

Have you tried any? Did it help? Affect your productivity? Which ones? tya!

like

Was emailing with HR of a company on Wednesday and she said we’d set up a time to talk on Friday. Followed up with my availability and still no email. Maybe she’s sick? Should I worry?

like

COVID has really taken a toll on me. I’m exhausted right now and dreading the next week. I’m completely solo, not dating anyone right now, so I’m curious how others in the same position are coping?

like

Has anyone started at Amazon during COVID? How was the virtual onboaring process? Starting in 2 weeks and still waiting for directions.

like

I am hesitant to book a CME conference during this COVID pandemic. However, I need to complete CME requirements soon.

like

What are parents paying for baby sitters these days? Wife and I going out tonight for about 3-4 hours and have a local college student babysitting our toddler daughter tonight. Low-medium cost of living city and daughter will be asleep for most of the time. We’re thinking $15-20 per hour and make sure there are plenty of snacks around. Appropriate?

like

I’m a late bloomer. Never really dated. Went on a date with a mutual friend. Could see myself with her, but after Covid and all, really want a summer to just have fun and date around. Not looking to put up the numbers in the body count thread, but would like to experience a bit more before settling down. Am I being an ass?

like

Any physicians/researchers in here specializing in multiple myeloma? Working on a project and had a few questions

What’s your mother’s maiden name? 🧐

funnylike

It’s been two weeks since my final interview and no update. Does anyone know if all jobs were cancelled or postponed due to COVID this month of June

like

More Posts

Is there a difference between building tension around a customer problem in a deck and straight up fear mongering?

like

Thoughts on having CFA?

like

Or sunaao sb bdhiya?

like

Hi Fishes , Need 11 likes to activate Dm's

like

I put in my two weeks and they fired me on the spot 🥲.

Anyone hiring?

like

Israel fish nyc?

like

For any true crime and 90 day fiance fans 🤣😂
Ed Kemper and his mom
Colt and Debbie

Post Photo
likefunny

If I made a Meetup group for consultants in the Denver/Boulder area, how many of you would join? Could do everything from hiking, eating, game nights, dog play dates etc

like

Anyone have any area recommendations for buying a house in Houston but have regular commutes downtown? 300k max but would like a house (not a townhome/apartment).

like

forgot my password to Hilton. Try to reset the password and it times out. Great job, Hilton, your website is f*cked.

like

Club Oxygen is hiring Sale Executive for Varanasi Location.
Any body interest can call/DM @ 9415831006

like

Just got notified of an opportunity to try out some work on the risk assurance/advisory side of EY. 3 month period. Should I go for it? I'm staff 2 going on senior in audit.

like

Series A crypto start up hiring a sales account executive in SG. 5ish years experience. You will be leading the region. Targeting financial institutions. DM if you’re interested! Happy to chat about the company.

like

How to transfer mphasis pf to epf portal after leaving the org?

like

Hi , KPMG Singapore is offering 6.5k SGD per month . Current salary is 16 lakhs CTC. Shall i take the offer, is it a good switch. Also how hard is it to rent a place for an Indian in Singapore and what’s cost of living is like?

Any contracting roles available in the U.K.? Specifically London (or near).

like
like

Hi! So glad to find this bowl!
Today, I was looking through other bowls and see comments like: “Anyone tired of chasing money?” “Is it just me or as I get older do you realize how little awards and accolades mean?” And I’m reminded of how grateful I am to have my hope in something other than my work. I hope my coworkers see that in me, too. That I work hard but advertising is not what fulfills me.

likefunny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.