{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "not consulting-related but need advice. boyfriend gives awful gifts (a pan one year, an air filter the next). thoughts on how to nicely tell him I want something more personal?", "post_id": "61a51c3f88a1ea002ab8d26f", "reply_count": 14, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

not consulting-related but need advice. boyfriend gives awful gifts (a pan one year, an air filter the next). thoughts on how to nicely tell him I want something more personal?

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Isn't it funny that what i understand are household needs (appliances, kitchen tools) are automatic gifts-for-the-woman-of-the-house? If the kitchen lacks good utensils, buy those out of the household budget. It's not a gift, unless they were requested or are extra-fancy! I'd suggest a talk. This smells like weaponized incompetence, but I could be wrong, and an honest talk should resolve that.

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Thank you all very much. I was feeling guilty because they’re nice brands, but we’re going to have to talk about this

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Haha sounds like my husband. Recently my husband asked if I wanted a new MacBook or nice purse (same price) for my bday gift. I told him the purse, because then people can compliment me on it and I can tell them he bought it for me. He was happy with that reasoning and got the purse 😂😂😂

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Definitely would have chosen the purse too!

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Make an Amazon wishlist- started doing this for parents and got exactly what I wanted. They got to pick what they wanted to get for me

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Sounds like a classic guy…he wants to give you something he considers “useful”. Eg maybe you didn’t have a good pan? Maybe your air filter needed changing? But if you don’t like that approach than politely have a conversation about Xmas gifts or before your birthday where you say directly what you want him to get you.

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Remind him you’re his gf not his aunt

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I’ll also add, do this kindly. He really could think he’s doing a good job. He really could think he’s being thoughtful. And mocking it is not going to help or have him want to gift you things for fear of being further mocked.

This is really tough, because sometimes they think the gift is great (my sister said she needed knives, her now husband bought her knives). Maybe try telling him you that you prefer gifts that are things you might not buy for yourself, or even just be direct and tell him you don’t like receiving kitchen items as gifts. Men can be difficult, because I was once with someone who thought he did a really good job with gifts (a weird neck massage thing from Amazon and a cheaper drone), and I don’t think he ever really got it that I wanted something more personal. I’m big on experience gifts (trips) or things I won’t buy myself, but would use a lot (the diamond earrings I’ve never gotten).

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Yes! I also prefer experience things or splurge fun things i wouldn’t buy myself. I’ll talk to him before my birthday

Honestly make him a list with links to different items you’d like at various price points. To make it less about his shortcomings, you can ask him to do the same- just suggest that you exchange Christmas/whatever lists

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