Not job related but I’m thinking about calling off my wedding. He’s an amazing person but I just don’t think he/this life is what I want forever. Advice appreciated

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Marriage isn't a static state. It's in constant flux and requires the participants to be flexible and communicate their ongoing needs. If you had told me my relationship would last a decade, I would've ran far away. But now, we are nowhere close to where we were when we first met because life doesn't stay the same and neither do people. You just have to trust that your partner will commit to adapting.

likehelpful

If you are having doubts now, don’t do it.

Does talking to him about this cause you dread? Then it’s a good sign he’s not the one for you. If you feel like you can talk to him about this, then he will understand delaying until you get to the bottom of what it is that you want out of life...

Again, you only live once... don’t live a life for others, for society, or even for him...

likeuplifting

If you aren’t sure can you postpone... once you’re in it’s much harder to get out. Also pre-marriage counseling is an often overlooked, but extremely important step

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If I had married my 24-yr-old boyfriend we’d be divorced now. You change so much in your late 20s! You won’t be the same person in 3 years that you are now. There’s no hurry to get married. I got married at 34, and 26 years later I still love him

likeuplifting

If you are having these thoughts now then imagine what it will be like when you are several years into it and nothing has changed and the monotony has set in. If the person is worth it then you can adapt but that will require a lot of effort on both your parts. Side note, kids make all that a thousands times harder.

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I went through a similar thing . When I was 24 I was dating an amazing man whom wants to move in with me, marry me and have babies and grow old together. We dated for 2 years and it was time to make a choice of keep dating and head that directing or no. My gut kept telling me no and I ended things with him . I’m 30 now and let me tell you , if I stayed with that guy I wouldn’t have had the amazing experience I had . I dated several other men , learnt what I want what I don’t want , and learnt A LOT about myself that I knew I wouldn’t if I stayed with him and got married right away.

Anyways everyone’s life is different but if you’re having doubts now - trust you guts and that voice in your head. I know it may be scary to end a relationship but you’re still young , if he’s meant to be down the line you guys may find each other again. But right now trust your instincts.

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That is amazing Head of Content. Thank you ❤️

I echo that if you’re having doubts now, don’t do it. I got married at 22, we started having problems within the first year, but I took the commitment seriously and we tried to work it out. For nine years. I’ve now been divorced for four years and am so happy. The loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life was feeling stuck in that unhappy marriage.

likehelpful

I had doubts about my wedding... not because anything was wrong, but because I wasn’t entirely sure it was right. 3 years later my divorce took twice as long to work through than it did to plan my wedding and cost me personally 3 times as much $$$. To this day I wish that back then I had the fortitude to call it off or postpone it.

I’ve never once regretted the decision to divorce him.

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Just wondering — how old are you? I was engaged at 22, and am so grateful I ended that relationship before I tied the knot. He was a GREAT guy, but we were headed in completely different life pathways.

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Do it. I had that feeling and ignored it, then decided to get divorced later but then discovered I was pregnant and now I am in a very hard situation. Deciding to be a single mom is very tough.
Trust your instincts.

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I did marry my 22 year old boyfriend (at 22) and we’re divorced. A totally shit experience to go through at 26. Listen to your gut.

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@OP totally understandable ! But you have to remember you need to not let YOURSELF down. Other people can figure stuff out on their own - you need to take care of what you need. Especially you’ve been with him for 7 yrs - you guys were young and you grow up , meet new people , learn new things and you grow up to be an adult knowing what you want in life . You’ll be fine ! Fate will work itself out if it’s meant to be - just go with your gut :)

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💕 you’re the best thank you!

I wish I had postponed mine. Theres no shame in doing what you need to do to be secure in your decision. If you can, explore counseling for yourself and for both of you. If you cant, that's ok. Just remember to be honest about yourself. A lot of people will tell you it's just cold feet - and maybe it is! But taking some time away from wedding pressure will either broaden your horizons to new experiences or make you fall more in love. It's ok to take some time for you.

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☝🏼listen to your gut. It’s so hard but easier now than later. Trust

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I recently got married— and as someone who also had some serious doubts, I will offer some slightly conflicting advice than what I’m reading here:
- cold feet and doubts are totally normal. Its a huge life decision. All of my friends have felt this way before their weddings.
- the first month of marriage was terrible for me. All my fears felt realized, like i made this huge mistake. I think a lot of this was anxiety, like the buyers remorse you sometimes feel after a big purchase like a car or apartment. Asking myself again and again— i really hope this was the right choice!
- a few months later, and im feeling a lot more confident and comfortable. We have been together for years, and although we have been through a lot, the commitment we made makes our next steps together even more serious and intimate.
- he is my person and i feel really naive and silly for ignoring everything he brings to the table. It totally got in the way of me fully embracing this time and enjoying it.

I don’t know what your relationship is like, and I can’t tell you that staying is going to be worth it, but that has been my personal rollercoaster as someone with doubts!

likeuplifting

do not get married unless you are absolutely certain in your bones and your blood cells

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Can everyone just relax about marriage - you don’t need to be married to be with someone . Just saying .

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I take my comment back. You’re young! Trust your gut!

Hahaha well this is horrifying

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