{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Not sure what to do about my SO who has gained weight, won't stop eating poorly, won't exercise, and rarely wants to have sex. I've tried EVERYTHING - supportive, understanding, direct, upset. Help!", "post_id": "5722d69c801c2b0e00506eed", "reply_count": 65, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }

Not sure what to do about my SO who has gained weight, won't stop eating poorly, won't exercise, and rarely wants to have sex. I've tried EVERYTHING - supportive, understanding, direct, upset. Help!

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How much weight are we talking OP? As a husband you need to be a solution for her problem, not become a part of it. Life is a journey of like 80 years. Losing your way for even 2 years is so small and insignificant in the long run. You just got married; that's the long hall. That's saying you would be there for her in the future. Find out what's bringing her down and has led to this change, with counselor help, and then begin to help her heal. Take a step back. You are in a good place now, but what if something happened and you suddenly weren't? Would you want her to give up on you that easily?

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Depression aside (that is a serious issue and I am definitely not qualified to address it), why don't you guys make lifestyle changes together? For example, plan a date where you go on a hike or go to an adult tumbling class or something fun and active. Go grocery shopping when you're home and cook a healthy meal together. Find ways to incorporate health and wellness into the time you spend together. But I agree with others that she should see someone to address the more serious underlying issues

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Have you tried setting the example?

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Been told that I look like Matthew McConaughey

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Hey D, you sound like a really great guy. It sounds like as a couple, you need some help communicating, and counseling will help that. It will also help her see that she needs her own therapist too. Good luck.

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^.....well done bro. You're doing all the right things. Not being home a lot doesn't help, but the little things matter. A rose/card mailed from your client site on Monday gets to her by Wednesday, etc.... Using some of those Pts for overnight hotel stays in short commute cities just to get away for one night, etc...

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I came home, she was nastier than usual, and I sat her down. I couldn't anymore. I was direct about our emotional and physical relationship, but structured my argument appropriately. It was a very emotional moment for the both of us, but she apologized and admitted that she still isn't better - but is getting there slowly but surely. I told her to lean on me in a positive way and we can make it through. Hopefully things get better.

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I would just be brutally honest. Even if it hurts

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How long has the total relationship been? Sounds like a trauma scenario - gotta be there for your SO if so... If not perhaps depression? People don't rapidly change behavioral patterns without some sort of catalyst! Get to deeper issue and that's best course to address it

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If she has depressions - she needs professional help. I have seen the same happening with another couple we knew really well. In that case it was him. He just stoped caring. Unfortunately, he only went to get help once. Them went back to eating, did not leave the house... Did mot end well. Also, used to have a girl friend with similar issues. I ended up sending her to get professional help and it worked really well. It is something that needs to be treated lo g term however.

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Though i totally agree that you must be brutally honest with your SO, be very careful while choosing your words. Women remember stuff for much longer and it will just be in their head forever and may further affect your relationship with her.

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Counseling!!!

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Possible depression aside, losing weight isn't a decision you make because of any one else - it has to come from her wanting to do it. Just love her more until then.

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Lol @OP....She need not exercise, but she can escort you to the gym; she need not jog, but she can go on intimate moonlight/nighttime walks with you, etc. Kudos either way bro. First time poster; I usually just lurk on here.

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The best way to help her get out of this is to make sure she feels loved. Everyone gives and receives love in different ways- look into the 5 love languages (5lovelanguages.com/profile/) to figure out what her love language is. Also, don't postpone couples counseling if you think you need it. Or if she needs individual counseling try to encourage her to do it, and set it up for her if she's interested.

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Psychological warfare

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^the sorry was to pwc1

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@D1 - any insight?

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Have you two gone to couples counseling?

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Is you working out for her or for yourself? I have a friend who trains for marathons after he got married to get out of the house and away from his wife. Sure he's in way better shape now than he ever was before but not sure she would've noticed. I think some of these physical issues you've mentioned are definitely a manifestation of emotional problems. If she's not willing to talk about it, you probably do need to go to counselling.

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P2 - I tell her every chance I get, believe me. I'm not trying to "get what I'm after", except for getting back to normal. I cherish her and think/tell her she's gorgeous. I do agree however that there's a self perception issue.

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I have the lack of intimacy with my bf, too. And i told him that he doesn't turn me on much. My honesty did hurt him and his self-esteem, but i did it for our own benefit. I also figured that we are emotionally distant, and that he doesn't look at me as if he desires me. Sometimes sex is good, but most of times i feel like his sex toy, no romance. That's the reasons from the perspective of a girl. Thinking about counseling too.

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