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I am deputed at the client office. I use PSL laptop only to check mails. But in my last appraisal my manager told me that I need to get 60 credit points for promotion. But due to client work load, i won't be able to do that. So, I have resigned from PSL mentioning the same that promotion will not happen.
But my manager told me that he will try to give me a promotion in next cycle (ignoring the credit points clause). He is asking me to withdraw resign
Shall I withdraw my resign? Persistent
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Pro
This is on you putting your foot down with your man to put his foot down with his brother. Does your man even help around the house? That may be a good place to start. And then he may have a deeper understanding of how frustrated you are about his brother not contributing.
Pro
š yeah I think as long as you and your guy can align on a united front against the entitled brother, this issue can be solved and will be good for making your relationship stronger.
Pro
How are parents still raising manchildren?!?!?
Rising Star
š¤¦š»āāļø sounds like youāre not communicating any of your expectations directly. Actually sit down and all three talk about this. Would you approach a project the same way with a client? No. Because it would net zero results.
1. Stop reinforcing the behavior
2. You, your fiancƩ and brother need to sit down and discuss the expectations, with an outlined list detailing what his contributions are
3. If heās eating the food, raise the monthly money he needs to contribute (ie add the cost of groceries to his rent)
4. If heās eating your cooked meals, right before the meal and after, ask him to help clean.
5. Be direct
6. Be direct
7. Be direct
Rising Star
Stop cooking. At least for a while.
Advise your bf that itās now his task.
THIS!!! Go TF on strike, sis!
Pro
So my boyfriend and I made the decision to move in together after 3 years of dating in like May and he had asked if it would be if his brother also lived with us (28 YO) for the lease bc of several factors like not having anyone to live with, etc and I said yes but said we needed rules bc it could get messy potentially if things went wrong. I love my boyfriend and I would do anything for him and his family and I would also do the same if I was in that situation with my family. We have all been living together since this summer and we get along and thatās not an issue but Iām starting to get annoyed about the fact that my bfs brother now assumes Iām going to make him dinner, Iām the only one who cleans our place (his brother literally leaves the room if he sees me grab any cleaning supplies), will randomly text asking what is for dinner, eats all the groceries I buy and never contributes (especially when I make dinner for everyone), he doesnāt even do his dish or clean up or take the garbage out or empty the dishwater and honestly donāt think he ever has, I pay for all the basic necessities like TP, etc and he has never even once contributed $1. Like idk what to do. My bf tells his brother he needs to help out and stuff but he just doesnāt care. Heās too comfortable and lives off his brother essentially and his family babies him. He is literally a grown adult man who is going on 29. My bf and I are now talking about engagement and marriage and I can see it now that his brother will still be following him around and living with us and not making any effort to contribute to our household. I think I find it the most offensive that he assumes Iām going to do the cooking. I just am starting to get fed up! One time he invited one of their cousins over for dinner and says to me I told them come by whenever just to let you know like implying when I would start dinner because earlier that day my bf and I were discussing what I should make for dinner (before I knew we had guests coming over).
Your man needs to put his foot down.
Pro
Treat this like a roommate agreement and make a chore chart!
OP - I have been in the same situation for the past 5 years and to be honest I donāt see an end in sight š. The only difference is that it is my brother that lives with my SO and I. I absolutely understand where you are coming from and I understand your frustration. Believe me, I have been there. My best advice would be to talk to your BF and tell him how you feel and that it is causing stress on you to constantly think about caring for the house, making dinners and having his brother to care for as well. Then I would propose a plan to him - here is how I think we could work this out, propose a chores, dinner and groceries schedule (make sure everyone is responsible) set clear expectations and tell you BF you would like to try this out and that you would like for both of you to sit down with the brother and lay out the expectations to him. if it turns out that his brother doesnāt care or is not living up to those expectations then you two need to be ready to ask him to move. Do not ignore this or put it off for later.. this will affect your relationship with your bf in the long run, especially if youāre planning on getting engaged and married
OP - it hasnāt been easy at all. But he has been amazing. He is okay with it for now but we are planning on having the move out talk with my brother soon. My brother moved to the states to go to school and didnāt know anyone when he moved here so it was natural for me to offer for him to stay with us. I had also promised my parents that as long as he was in school I would be there for him. He is about to graduate and I cannot wait to have him out of the house. Donāt get me wrong, I love my brother and heās also helped us out a lot (both my SO and I travel for work so he would take care of the dogs and the house while we were away) but I miss my privacy. I miss being able to relax with my SO at the house and be able to walk around naked if I wanted to. Itās different when you have your own space. And I know thatās what my SO misses too. Our own privacy.
Where is the tl;dr?
Pro
What she said
Chief
I get so angry just reading this... š¤
Chief
I was wondering why I was called Chief and then my app updated itself š Seems like FB has a new gimmick š
Rising Star
Agree with all the advice about clear communication and having a sit down to figure it out. In the interim, suggest the following -
- Stop cooking - order your own takeout or make simple things and only for you.
- get a cleaning service and split the cost. Donāt ask just assert what you are doing.
- only re-stock your own products (TP, shampoo, etc).
- when anything runs out or he asks when youāre shopping say something like āoh xyz has a good sale on right nowā implying he can go get it himself.
OMG STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Why do women have such a hard time respecting themselves?!? Your not your boyfriendās or his familyās fucking maid or personal chef. Tell the brother he needs to move out and if your boyfriend isnāt on your side with this one and expects you to continue to clean and cook for his brother like some 50s housewife, then I highly doubt heāll make a good father (if you plan on having children) or life partner.
Pro
Then when we realize we are the ones doing all the work, it sucks.
OP, terrible question but is your brother in law from India? I am an Indian and a lot of our indian moms baby sit their grown sons hence this problem. You need to put your foot down..will cause a rift but he essentially shojld move out. Also your bf should make that stand. This is not done at all
Rising Star
^ What BCG 1 said. Full stop.