Ok RANTING sorry!!!! See comments

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This is on you putting your foot down with your man to put his foot down with his brother. Does your man even help around the house? That may be a good place to start. And then he may have a deeper understanding of how frustrated you are about his brother not contributing.

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šŸ’• yeah I think as long as you and your guy can align on a united front against the entitled brother, this issue can be solved and will be good for making your relationship stronger.

How are parents still raising manchildren?!?!?

likehelpful
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šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø sounds like youā€™re not communicating any of your expectations directly. Actually sit down and all three talk about this. Would you approach a project the same way with a client? No. Because it would net zero results.
1. Stop reinforcing the behavior
2. You, your fiancƩ and brother need to sit down and discuss the expectations, with an outlined list detailing what his contributions are
3. If heā€™s eating the food, raise the monthly money he needs to contribute (ie add the cost of groceries to his rent)
4. If heā€™s eating your cooked meals, right before the meal and after, ask him to help clean.
5. Be direct
6. Be direct
7. Be direct

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Stop cooking. At least for a while.
Advise your bf that itā€™s now his task.

likehelpful

THIS!!! Go TF on strike, sis!

So my boyfriend and I made the decision to move in together after 3 years of dating in like May and he had asked if it would be if his brother also lived with us (28 YO) for the lease bc of several factors like not having anyone to live with, etc and I said yes but said we needed rules bc it could get messy potentially if things went wrong. I love my boyfriend and I would do anything for him and his family and I would also do the same if I was in that situation with my family. We have all been living together since this summer and we get along and thatā€™s not an issue but Iā€™m starting to get annoyed about the fact that my bfs brother now assumes Iā€™m going to make him dinner, Iā€™m the only one who cleans our place (his brother literally leaves the room if he sees me grab any cleaning supplies), will randomly text asking what is for dinner, eats all the groceries I buy and never contributes (especially when I make dinner for everyone), he doesnā€™t even do his dish or clean up or take the garbage out or empty the dishwater and honestly donā€™t think he ever has, I pay for all the basic necessities like TP, etc and he has never even once contributed $1. Like idk what to do. My bf tells his brother he needs to help out and stuff but he just doesnā€™t care. Heā€™s too comfortable and lives off his brother essentially and his family babies him. He is literally a grown adult man who is going on 29. My bf and I are now talking about engagement and marriage and I can see it now that his brother will still be following him around and living with us and not making any effort to contribute to our household. I think I find it the most offensive that he assumes Iā€™m going to do the cooking. I just am starting to get fed up! One time he invited one of their cousins over for dinner and says to me I told them come by whenever just to let you know like implying when I would start dinner because earlier that day my bf and I were discussing what I should make for dinner (before I knew we had guests coming over).

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Your man needs to put his foot down.

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Treat this like a roommate agreement and make a chore chart!

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OP - I have been in the same situation for the past 5 years and to be honest I donā€™t see an end in sight šŸ˜”. The only difference is that it is my brother that lives with my SO and I. I absolutely understand where you are coming from and I understand your frustration. Believe me, I have been there. My best advice would be to talk to your BF and tell him how you feel and that it is causing stress on you to constantly think about caring for the house, making dinners and having his brother to care for as well. Then I would propose a plan to him - here is how I think we could work this out, propose a chores, dinner and groceries schedule (make sure everyone is responsible) set clear expectations and tell you BF you would like to try this out and that you would like for both of you to sit down with the brother and lay out the expectations to him. if it turns out that his brother doesnā€™t care or is not living up to those expectations then you two need to be ready to ask him to move. Do not ignore this or put it off for later.. this will affect your relationship with your bf in the long run, especially if youā€™re planning on getting engaged and married

likesmart

OP - it hasnā€™t been easy at all. But he has been amazing. He is okay with it for now but we are planning on having the move out talk with my brother soon. My brother moved to the states to go to school and didnā€™t know anyone when he moved here so it was natural for me to offer for him to stay with us. I had also promised my parents that as long as he was in school I would be there for him. He is about to graduate and I cannot wait to have him out of the house. Donā€™t get me wrong, I love my brother and heā€™s also helped us out a lot (both my SO and I travel for work so he would take care of the dogs and the house while we were away) but I miss my privacy. I miss being able to relax with my SO at the house and be able to walk around naked if I wanted to. Itā€™s different when you have your own space. And I know thatā€™s what my SO misses too. Our own privacy.

Where is the tl;dr?

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What she said

likehelpful

I get so angry just reading this... šŸ˜¤

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I was wondering why I was called Chief and then my app updated itself šŸ˜‚ Seems like FB has a new gimmick šŸ˜†

funny

Agree with all the advice about clear communication and having a sit down to figure it out. In the interim, suggest the following -

- Stop cooking - order your own takeout or make simple things and only for you.

- get a cleaning service and split the cost. Donā€™t ask just assert what you are doing.

- only re-stock your own products (TP, shampoo, etc).

- when anything runs out or he asks when youā€™re shopping say something like ā€œoh xyz has a good sale on right nowā€ implying he can go get it himself.

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OMG STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Why do women have such a hard time respecting themselves?!? Your not your boyfriendā€™s or his familyā€™s fucking maid or personal chef. Tell the brother he needs to move out and if your boyfriend isnā€™t on your side with this one and expects you to continue to clean and cook for his brother like some 50s housewife, then I highly doubt heā€™ll make a good father (if you plan on having children) or life partner.

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Then when we realize we are the ones doing all the work, it sucks.

OP, terrible question but is your brother in law from India? I am an Indian and a lot of our indian moms baby sit their grown sons hence this problem. You need to put your foot down..will cause a rift but he essentially shojld move out. Also your bf should make that stand. This is not done at all

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^ What BCG 1 said. Full stop.

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